Bleach Platinum Hearts RP
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Raiki
Raiki
Moderator
November SOTM 20112nd place
November COTM 2011 : 1st place Zefonse
Joined : 2010-09-12
Posts : 1238
Age : 33

Member Info
Platinum Points:
Eric Fallen [DONE] Left_bar_bleue0/0Eric Fallen [DONE] Empty_bar_bleue  (0/0)
Tiers:

Eric Fallen [DONE] Empty Re: Eric Fallen [DONE]

Sat Oct 22, 2011 10:37 pm
Application Checklist
  • Name [x*]
  • Appropriate Age [o]
  • Gender [x]
  • Appearance Present [x]
  • Appearance Described in Appropriate Length OR Picture is Visible [o]
  • Appearance is Not Claimed [x]
  • 10 sentences for personality [x*]
  • History is of appropriate length [x*]
  • Powers are not Godmod/Overpowered [O]
  • Powers are described reasonably enough [O]
  • Application/RP Sample is not in First Person [omit]
  • Skills are not filled in (Omit if a Hollow)[x]
  • RP Sample Present (Omit if this is not the first character) [omit]
  • RP Sample is 10 sentences [omit]


Comments/Notes:

OH WHERE DO WE BEGIN

-takes a breath-

Alright lets start with the name and Age
"Eric Fallen" is so generic and worthless does not fit the app at all.
The age makes no sense for this character and history.
Moving on
P E R S O N A L I T Y~ now this is some shit work here, you basically saying the same stuff over and OVER again, ": Eric is somewhat people call a deadly but proud warrior always using his dark methods to prove a point. He's really a demonic piece of work but he does have much sweet tooth" and
h. Eric will kill people who tried to hurt or use force(bullets, missiles, kido, reiatsu) then his demonic nature will start to rise. After his resignation, Eric began a warpath of destruction without a care in his mind beacuse it was erased. In his human form or shifting states, Eric can love, hate or show respect it really one of those thre things because being a demon you have to show that your not weak." wording is needed here, since some words you placed ARE so unreadable or dons't make sense in the slightest.

I'm going to skip on to history, FIRST OFF. to be blunt here... NO ANGELS ALLOWED IN YOUR HISTORY, ASK ADMINS BEFORE HAND, AND EVEN THEN THEY WONT ALLOW YOU TO USE THEM, LET ALONE BE A FALLEN ANGEL" and going on I'm-ma skip around or a few parts "To a become a demon lord a lot of things had to be the final thing was Satan must choose you" First off again, ASK ADMINS FOR THIS, SINCE IT DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY. "Satan was just gone and whole lot demons & demon lords were killed. The only one who survived was Adaceus" DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW DEMON HISTORY FROM THE START TILL END YOU, you think you know it, the creator of it, well bad news YOUR not the creators of demons, this inst how demon history happened, LEARN TO LOOK UP THINGS. "their was anarachy and chaos around the demon world until this Touketsu showed up and things started claming down. A lot of new demons started showing up years later with new demon powers and abilities" OH WOW AGAIN FALSE INFORMATION, this isn't on lets move on to

POWERS

now where to begin, how about "Like his creator and many other demonic lords, Samael has many deadly abilities of a true demon lord. Samael has perfect control of many abilities like Kage Chōkyō-shi, Jigoku Sokudo, Shishi Mudo, Satsugai Tsuru, Muko Jotai. The demon lord is a grand expert in the shifter appearance after killing demons and many monsters and taking their forms. Truthfully, Samael doesn't remember how many demons, humans, arrancars, shinigamis or iramashas he killed but he's truly an expert in shapeshifting" Wow...just wow so your REALLY aiming that HIGH, most chars have flames even kin has FLAWS, this guy you make him sound like he can just be anyone, master of every damn power.

"Adaceus's training was the worse but the demon teachings prove effective. Samael proved time and over he was strongest demon when it came to fighting or killing, he started seeing of hard results as his muscles started growing. The demon's body was continously put to the test making the demon a lethal and deadly force. In his human state or shifter states his demon strength is decrease well split in half to throw people off and then when the time unleash his true strength on an enemy. Becoming a demon lord granted him a greater amount of strength too." WHAT? I CANT TELL WHAT THE HELL THIS MEANS, how powerful is he. i see it, but its covered up by nonsense.

"Being a firece demon, Samael had to be tough throughout being a young demon. Their was a motto down there the weak die and the strong survive that is best natural nature of a demon. Adaceus train Samael the fearsome arts of combat using his punches and kicks effectively. If he was to take a hit the demon is suppose to growl the pain and attack the enemy hard. The demon wizards taught Samael thought reading using full proficency into takedowns and submissions. His best submission is an Ankle Lock submission tearing the godlock ankle apart with his bare hands. In battle, Samael using full contact and pure focus into battle the enemy. He doesn't even know his full deadly power just yet after his mind lock away. The demon's powers diminish over time to the point of where he never knew his spiritual pressure was under lock and key. After his mind release, Samael's spiritual pressure shot up like thousands of violent rockets. Being of former demon lord, Samael has an grand amount of spiritual pressure because of the trials and challenges, he went through to obtain this right & this great power." LIMITS and wording have you heard about them? firstly WORD how powerful he is, then how much power is surplussed.

"Samael has the ability of flying to different places whenever he wants do so. A demon needs to fly or super jump and with his new power can travel anywhere he wants. He used his power also when he in different states too. Samael is really something of super jumper travelling to different points of the world reach amazing airtime of trying to dodge a great attack or leaping to building." flying yet its super jumps WORDING

Shishi Mōdo Abilities- wording is NEEDED here buddy LEARN to read the app before saying it is

Mukō Jōtai Ablities- again wording

THIS APP IS DENIED AND SENT TO THE FURTHEST DEPTHS OF HELL CALLED ARCHIVES, MAKE A NEW APP, WITHOUT THIS BULL SHIT

Eric Fallen [DONE] Denied_Stamp_Icon_Royalty_Free_Clipart_Picture_100223-042605-194042



Tier: NONE


Eric Fallen [DONE] XmGUKMS
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