Fractured Bygones [Ehefra, Helle]

Tch. Ehefra smirked ruefully at that simple counter. She knew damn well she was weird. She didn’t need Helle to tell her that. But what came next from Helle slowly drained that smile. Conviction? She twitched, the edge of her face tensing as a little sliver of anger heated inside of her. ”I have conviction where it c-“ but Helle wasn’t done talking. And just like that Ehefra tensed as she watched one of her fascimile step infront of them and she bristled internally. Aware that a point was about to be made.

”The fuckre you getting at?” A bit of growl to her voice as Helle moved on and began to bear down about what she thought of her. And despite the anger boiling up inside her. She couldn’t find it in her to refute what she was saying.

But as Helle looked away, she was a bit… confused, and rankled by what she said next. Too difficult? “What are you trying to say? You said it yourself I suck. I lack ‘conviction’ and I always think the worst shit. If all that shit’s true why the hell would it matter to you if I ever left at all!? Why would saying goodbye mean ANYTHING to you!?” she was shouting now, standing up to stare Helle down even if she lacked the height ti do so properly.

”Yea, I get it. Your little fucking Servant Ehefra goes away when I do. Whoop de doo. But at the end of the day I’m just ONE of countless of these things in your fuckin house. I’m no goddamn good for ANYONE! Including you! So what’s so bad about saying good ye to me anyway!?” She was breathing heavily as she caught her breath from all but shouting her lungs out in response to the other woman.

She inhaled slowly, closing her eyes before she sighed back out. “I’ve tried.. so hard to fix myself. I wanted so bad to be the person people… thought I could be.” The words were bitter in her mouth. As she thought about the people who had told her as much. Ira. Natasha. Even Candice. And what hurt was they were wrong. She’d PROVED them wrong. Again and again. ”But wanting something doesn’t get you it. And I don’t have it in me to change.”

”OF COURSE I HATE MYSELF!” She snapped back, getting in Helle’s face as she stepped forward, only to take a step back and shake her head as that look of anger boiled and she felt tears threatening her eyes as her hands clench into white-knuckled fists.

”What do I Want to do!? I don’t want to DO anything! I wanna be happy! I want to be someone I’m not ASHAMED to see in the fucking mirror! I want to BE someone that.. can make you smile, and FIX you, a-and fix all this goddamn shit fucking up the people I care about. And most of all I want my GODDAMN MOM BACK!” She hiccuped and sniffed, tears having snuck up on her as she shook her head. As it all hit her and she covered her face with a hand. Trying to keep the stinging tears from spilling down her face.

“But I shouldn’t.” She sobbed quietly into her palm. ”Mom wanted to die for so… so long. But she didn’t wanna leave us alone. She didn’t want us to … see her die. And as soon as me and dad weren’t around… she finally could. She looked up at Helle as the pain welled up inside her.

“I’ve wanted her to die for so long. For her to not be… suffering for me and dad. And now I don’t know what to do without her. And I can’t stand to think shes suffering all over again.”