They Shall Be As Wool [Rafaela, Himiko]

Recovery, home in Konigsberg, was not swift for Rafaela. Most pressing, of course, was the matter of her soul, which even now was hardly in the same state it had been. It was unlikely that the hollow taint would ever come out of it, but she'd already accepted that fact. Even beyond the spiritual, her body was still in rough shape. She'd been stuck in the hospital for a few days now, and already, she was starting to feel trapped.

It didn't help, after all, that she'd been too injured, and too out of it, to really even have a proper meeting with His and Her Majesty about what had happened. Even when her position had demanded she travel outside the Empire, Rafaela had always done her best to be loyal to the Imperial House. She considered it her duty as First of the Reichsritter to protect them however she could, whether that be through diplomacy or through force.

But what she'd done had cast all that in shambles. Even if it was possible no one would ever know what she'd done, she knew. She didn't like it. She could only look out the window at the river for now, and think about what she'd done.

"Rafaela."

She knocked and gave the young woman a moment. Himiko was casual enough that she entered into the room after that though. When she came into view by parting the curtains she gave her a small smile, not too much that might put her off after experiencing everything that she had. Himiko could only imagine what the young woman had gone through in Africa and the state that she was returned to them.

"I hope you're feeling a bit better since you got back, is there anything I can do for you?"

Himiko said and took a seat on the edge of the bed rather than looming like some menacing sovereign. The empress was well aware that her height could be intimidating and the kimono she wore doing well to conceal her frame. While she was late into her term, she carried it well, her kind were robust when it came to their frame. So was Rafaela and so she was sure that the wounds were the least of her problems.

"Ah, Your Majesty!"

Hearing her name jolted Rafaela out of her rumination, and if she'd been in better shape, she would have lept out of her bed as a sign of proper respect. As it was, however, she could only stay in bed for her own health. That thought made her clench her hand for a brief moment, but she didn't want to seem too negative around her empress.

"I'm..."

She paused, then, thinking about what she ought to say. The last thing a good Reichsritter should do was impose on the Imperial House, after all, but at the same time, she couldn't ever lie to them. After a moment, she looked down at her hands, unable to meet Himiko's gaze.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. I know there wasn't anything I could do, and I know it wasn't my fault, but I've still been praying about it. I put so much shame on my station, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."

"You know, I do prefer being called Himiko, especially in private."

She said bashfully, she also knew that she could say it a thousand times and probably still be referred to as her majesty. Regardless of that though, Himiko gave a small smile in the direction of the ashamed knight and pursed her lips. She could tell her that she wasn't to blame for any of it, she could take accountability even for Rafaela being there on their part.

All empty words though at the end of the day.

"Y'know. Having you back makes me very happy, I know you're in bad shape right now but I'm glad that you're back in one piece. There's no better Reichsritter I know, and few people as compassionate. Would you like some time off, maybe?"

Himiko didn't say it because she was upset with her performance or that she couldn't continue with those duties. But Himiko did also want to say that if she wanted to do something, even if she didn't know now, then Himiko wasn't going to let her station get in the way of that after all the work she'd done.

"I don't wanna take time off, Himiko. His Majesty gave me so much. You've both been like family to me, if I took time off... I don't wanna feel like I'm not giving back. But I have to get better first, and I don't know how long that'll take."

The idea of the empress being glad to have her back, even saying that there was no better Reichsritter, was enough to cut short much of Rafaela's self-pity. Even so, she still stared down at her hands for a short while, before looking up to Himiko with tears welling in her eyes.

"All I want is to fight for other people. I tried to protect them, how am I supposed to protect you?"

Aww, seeing the tears in Rafaela's eyes plucked at her maternal side. A side that was incredibly strong of late and so she brought herself closer so that she was sitting next to the knight and pull her into an embrace.

"It's a husband's duty to protect his wife, Rafaela, and it's my duty to protect you as much as anyone else in the Empire. I don't want you to stress over me, it'll make your hair thin and ruin your skin, and that'd make me extra sad."

She gave her a firm pat on the head.

"Don't blame yourself for letting people down but think of all the people you can still protect. You've given a lot, more than most and even me, so please don't feel you're not putting in enough."

Being pulled into an embrace like this was enough to make Rafaela's last bits of willpower fall by the wayside, and she returned the embrace with no small amount of crying, listening to everything Himiko said even as she wept. She couldn't really help it, after everything she'd been through.

"I'll do everything I can to get back in shape. I wanna do my best as Reichsritter. I want people to look up to me and be able to see that they can do anything, Himiko. I wanna be a role model for the children of your household one day, but right now..."

Sniffling so she could do her best to sound emphatic, Rafaela thought about how to word her decision. She'd already accepted that it was probably the right path, and Himiko had said as much, but it was hard to admit.

"I need to take a little time to get back in shape and figure out what's changed. I can't serve as your Reichsritter until then, but I'm gonna travel with Yugiri while I do. I promise I'll stay in touch, and if you need me, I promise I'll come right away."

"That's a great idea, Rafaela!"

She gushed her agreement with a small squeeze. There was no doubt in her mind that Rafaela would be a great big sis role model for her future children. Everyone deserved a vacay every now and again though, so Himiko was glad that she'd gotten her devoted knight to capitulate.

"You and Yugiri seem like you get a long so well, and I'm sure that Erchanhardt will be so happy to know that you're by her side to protect and help her. He speaks a lot about his time with her and I'm sure he misses her company so you'll have to make it your duty to help each other."

Himiko might've been a tad manipulative there by framing the downtime as part of her duties as a Reichsritter but for someone so dedicated to her job. She thought it might help.

Hearing Her Majesty support the endeavor certainly made Rafaela feel better about it, but at the same time, she couldn't help but feel guilty that she even needed to take this time away. Still, she couldn't falter now. She'd failed in no small way, and now she simply had to make do with that failure, build on it and make things right.

"I think Yugiri is the one who'll be doing most of the protecting, but I'll try my best. I have a long way to go."

It was rare to ever hear Rafaela speak so plainly about her own shortcomings, but here, with her empress, it wasn't as if she could lie and make up some grandiose claim about her strengths. She understood what the reality of things was, and that understanding was the first step toward fixing it.