Dudebros #2: The Sequel

Now that chapter one of Ranma's personal crisis was over, it was time for him to unwind and get shitfaced. Any of that stupid zanpakuto business could wait another day. After eating a nice hot bowl of ramen and filling their bellies, Koga's ready go to the next place and get drunk out of his mind. There's a pretty nice bar in the Rukongai, and since he was pretty cool with the bartenders there, he didn't have to worry about having to pay an exorbitant amount of cash to enjoy himself.

Dragging Ranma by the arm, kicking the door down, golden eyes set on the hot bartender with a big chest, he slams down a bunch of cash and requests five cups each for the both of them. Sake was the name of the game, and he was prepared to have a good time. Grabbing a cup, he turns back to Ranma with a grin.

"Cheers, Ranma."

Ramen… I mean, Ranma sure emptied that bowl in one go. It was as if he hadn’t eaten all day, but jokes on you – he started eating breakfast again! Erica’s mum insisted he do that – it was the most important meal of the day, after all.

… But it felt weird, like… was this how it felt to have a big brother? Man, his ‘waste of breath and space’-ass parents could’ve at the very least boned one more time and given him a fun little brother or sister that he could’ve hung out with, y’know, show them how to grow into a respectable human being… definitely. They would’ve looked up to him, no doubt- Oniisan! Oniisan! He could already imagine those funny days, throwing tomatoes at their parents’ place, running back to their aunt and uncle for the small amount of comfort they were able to h-

… On second thought, never mind.

Ranma knew that glare… man, he really did need to hang out with guys more. So that fancy bartender got his fancy? That’s like… 65% of Ranny. Impressive, but the lack of thick, fluffy braids kinda ruins it for me, Ranma thought to himself before being offered a cup from the five cups Koga bought for him.

He was in the zone now. Swiping that cup up, he returned the greeting: “Cheers, Koga! Don’t go easy on me, okay?” Then, the cup went upside down, its contents flushing directly into his gullet.

“Hmmhhh… hoooooooooow many people talk about me at the 8th?! Wait, I didn’t mean to become a celebrity-“

To be fair, it was more like a notoriety, but… let man cook.

“-Are Ranny and Noharu mad at me, again? But they’re like my super helpful big sisters… totes woulda tried dating one of em- but they pale in comparison to Erica… heeeeeeeeeeh… what about you? Any romance latel- wait, don’t think I didn’t notice how you looked at her before~”

He took another cup and downed it, poking his elbow at Koga's side. Let's listen to Koga’s story.

"Pfft, it's too late for any of that. Practically half of the division talks about how loud you are! Personally, I think it's pretty funny."

A firm hand slapped against Ranma's back. Koga consumed his first drink with resounding quickness. Koga tilted his head when the subject about women came up. Stroking his chin softly, he looked back at the attractive bartender with a huge pair of breasts. He supposed she was pretty attractive, and he definitely wouldn't be the type to deny he enjoyed a woman with assets - appearance wise, at least. Of course, he said one thing that made him raise an eyebrow. He didn't really know what Erica looked like, but Rangiku and Noharu were total babes. Goddamn bombshells.

"Well, NOW I want to know what Erica looks like. Ranma and Noharu are pretty damn hot. Rangiku's at the top of my list, personally, but Noharu's just as charming and i fuck with her energy. As far as me lookin' at that chick at the bar, I always spare a glance or two. She's neat. Down to earth and she serves good drink. Oh, and she has a big rack. Plenty to enjoy."

”I’m not loud-”

Echoes of spells in the distance rumbled in his mind. Nightly conversations with Hōkamaru… more like nightly conversations to Hōkamaru, all those times Beetle pulled his ear back to his room ‘cause he woke her up… damn, he was kinda loud-

“-…” He took another sip as the topic changed quickly. Yes, Ranma was kind of proud of himself lately – he was the type of guy who quickly got big in his boots whenever good things happened to him, but he’d also mellowed out after getting together with Erica. It was definitely the breakfast that changed him… oh, and the comfort.

Hmh, he was a bit hesitant talking about those two before, hence why he kept it quick with the 65% joke he made, but listening to Koga… yeah, he fucked with it. “Those first days in the 8th were tight. How do you learn about things quickly? All I could see-“

Boing… boing… boing…

“-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, wait, y’know, lemme have another one-“ he interrupted himself, taking a third sip, “I’m not gonna say I didn’t spend the first entire year trying to make Ranny accidently brush up against me, so I could have a coincidental feel like the rest of the newbies- y’know, it’s weird she never noticed… not like it worked. Fuck me back then.”

… As far as he was concerned.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, if you’re that curious, go break a leg or two and pay the 2nd a visit. I’m sure she’ll greet you, she’s an angel like that…” Ranma suggested. You’d think that he’d be excessively too jealous to ever let that happen, but trust was strong between the two… and Koga would never. Ever.

Ranma would make sure his chances with the bartender would never come to fruition, if otherwise.

Also, if the requirement was to mutilate himself to be patched up by her, then… like, game recognized game. “You should ask her out… kinda how it started for me. I was just getting Kaidō’d to anti-oblivion, and I just… mhm… had to shoot my shot then and there. Fuck the consequences – let her know that I’m brave and all that! And she said yes! It was magical!”

Some might’ve speculated how this enigma ever got a girlfriend, but it was honestly that simple. No, he did not fucking have dirt on her or anything, eat shit.

"You're so fuckin' loud, dude. Don't lie."

He humored, slapping his back. Clearing two cups, he moved to his third and his fourth as he listened to Ranma talk about how he attempted to slip in some physical contact with Rangiku. He couldn't exactly blame him. There was a lot the average hormonal guy would've loved brushin' up against, and her being a damn gorgeous woman only made it even better. Oh, and then there was information about his girlfriend - Erica. Second division, eh? Well, he did get injured a lot, so it was entirely likely he'd cross paths with the lass sooner or latter. When he brought up the subject of asking her out, Koga shrugged as he downed another cup of sake. It wasn't really his style to spring that up out of nowhere, plus the lady was busy. He didn't want to interrupt her evening and ask her out while getting shitfaced. Wasn't a good look.

"Eh? Nah. Not right now, bro. We're gettin' sloshed out of our freakin' minds. Can't ask her out right now. High-five on tryin' to sneak a feel in with Rangiku. Can't say i wouldn't have attempted to do the same. As far as that stuff with Erica goes, maybe we'll both end up injured and go there. She sounds like a neat lady. I imagine you've found yourself a winner. Lucky Bastard."

”Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. I bet she expects nothing less from visitors – she probably vibes real good with drunkards,” Ranma added before taking his fourth… fourth? Yeah, fourth cup and emptying it. Maybe it wasn’t the same for everyone… he read some stories about shy, tall guys taking their time with their crushes- maybe Koga was one of those types of guys!

…

“Glad someone gets me – I’m not gonna lie, I kinda hated myself for a bit afterwards and just kinda glared at her legs instead- it’s not working. Every angle, any place I look at – even if I’m looking at the wall next to her, y’know, to the left - I see a little bit of that destructive bounciness invading my view! Took me years to acclimate from that… now, she’s like the naggy older sister I never had. I’m sure she appreciates me, too~”

… Yeah, you’d have to ask her about that.

“I know, riiiiiiiight? Even now, it feels like a damn fever dream, but it’s true – she’s the best,” Ranma expressed full of joy, rocking his head from side to side, “She’s the sweetest, kindest girl I’ve ever met… I really thought she’d get tired of me eventually. Maybe think I’m loud, too, just like all y’all bastards do-“

But he was loud-

“-But it’s like… pffffh, it’s like she brings out the best in me. Did you know I started eating breakfast again? It changed everything! Mornings aren’t ass anymore – it’s pure magic!”

Very simple life, very simple pleasures. That was possibly the source behind his overwhelming happiness. “Toast to that,” Ranma declared, raising his last cup before stopping in his tracks, “Wait… wait, wait, wait, we need more drinks than this. Also, man, fuck this – as if y’all haven’t gotten on people’s nerves yourselves! Y-You know what – how many drinks can we order at once?”

…

“We need as many as possible. I got a game.”

"Heh, ya know what? Maybe yer not wrong. Ayo, hot lady with the big rack! You! Me! Date! And drinks! More drinks!"

Emboldened by the sake filling his system, he whistled in the buxom bartender's direction. Whether or not the comment earned him any favor was a different tale altogether, but the playful chuckle that exited her lips as she slid a second wave of cups along the table certainly displayed some level of interest. Heh, yeah. He was feeling himself now. Turning back to Ranma with a grin, he nodded along again to his words, a soft hiccup freefalling from his lips.

Where there was once ten, the entire counter was now filled with a multitude of sake. This would probably eat into his paycheck a little, but fuck it. He was having a blast, and if the guys around them were getting upset because Ranma was getting too loud? They could cram it straight up their ass. Grabbing ten cups this time, he downed each one with a grin. One after the other, he attacked the sake like it owed him money.

"Put yer money where yer mouth is, then, buddy! Hahahaha! Toast! To the lucky bastard with the hot girlfriend!"

See? That wasn’t so hard to do… Ranma had potential to be a cupid, huh? His nose grew a little longer this time, he felt very proud of himself. It wasn’t… confirmed whether or not she even accepted his invitation, but she didn’t look displeased. This was a good start of something special.

“Toast indee- wait, ya drinking all the sake! Lemme have some, too!” Ranma protested, as if in a race against Koga. He picked up cup after cup and downed them, and… things spiraled from there.

“F-Fu- you know wuh, fuck whoever bombin’ places… dey get no pussy,” he started nagging, sloshing his head left and right, “I ain’t been able to… go to Zanzibar in foreveeeeeeeeeeeer, it’s fucked up! How many places at w-wor- living places ya been, Koga? Huh? I know ya got sum blue balls from da quack-qua-qua-quaranteen too…”

"D-don't b-be s-such a slowpoke, then! Hic... Besides, besides! There's plenty of sake to enjoy here! I've ordered a division's worth! Hahaha!"

His voice boomed with laughter as he hicupped, slamming empty cups against the table with resounding force. Wiping the remnants of sake from his mouth, he went to the next cup, and then the next cup, and then two more.

He was beginning to lose track of the number. Honestly, he didn't care anymore. Koga was enjoying himself for once, savoring a moment with a newfound friend. Only a sour soul would hate spending a night out with one of the boys.

Drunkenly turning his head to listen to whatever the fuck his homie was going on about, he stroked his chin as he thought about it. Had he even got the opportunity to go to earth before? Yea, for sure he did. Had he been to Zanzibar, though? Hell no. Sounded nice. Nice and exotic. Were the women hot there too?

"Shiiiiit, not too many, man. P-P-Probably Japan and Amuricah at one point. What'z zanzibarz evensh like anywaysh? Theysh gotsh cute babes?"

Slurring his words now, he was promptly and squarely situated at the point of no return.

Ranma’s hands made sure to claim as many cups as possible, but his belly wasn’t that big. One cup at a time… one cup…

Other than that, yeah, Ranma was holding his liquor – audibly. Mentally, hell no – he was sliding down the drain at a rapid rate, already talking about Zanzibar and shit. Koga kinda gave him the tilt-head, not really sure about this Zanzibar place… so he hadn’t been there, eh? Guy was missing out.

“Wh- you real? When ya think of islands, beaches, trops and sand sex, ya think of Zanzibar… I went there and that. Wish Soul Society got places like that, too…” he groaned, swinging his torso around while trying to balance a cup in his shaky palm… before emptying it in a hurry, so he wouldn’t spill.

“Tell ya wuh – I’ll take ya there when fuckers, us and we, get dat lockdon downed done, so we go livinining… shiiiiiiiiiiiiet, Erica’d love that place. Ya know, I bet she’d look smashin’ in a one piece…”

His brain kinda turned off a bit when thinking about her, salivating at the images he manifested in his head.