Dudebros #2: The Sequel

Ramen… I mean, Ranma sure emptied that bowl in one go. It was as if he hadn’t eaten all day, but jokes on you – he started eating breakfast again! Erica’s mum insisted he do that – it was the most important meal of the day, after all.

… But it felt weird, like… was this how it felt to have a big brother? Man, his ‘waste of breath and space’-ass parents could’ve at the very least boned one more time and given him a fun little brother or sister that he could’ve hung out with, y’know, show them how to grow into a respectable human being… definitely. They would’ve looked up to him, no doubt- Oniisan! Oniisan! He could already imagine those funny days, throwing tomatoes at their parents’ place, running back to their aunt and uncle for the small amount of comfort they were able to h-

… On second thought, never mind.

Ranma knew that glare… man, he really did need to hang out with guys more. So that fancy bartender got his fancy? That’s like… 65% of Ranny. Impressive, but the lack of thick, fluffy braids kinda ruins it for me, Ranma thought to himself before being offered a cup from the five cups Koga bought for him.

He was in the zone now. Swiping that cup up, he returned the greeting: “Cheers, Koga! Don’t go easy on me, okay?” Then, the cup went upside down, its contents flushing directly into his gullet.

“Hmmhhh… hoooooooooow many people talk about me at the 8th?! Wait, I didn’t mean to become a celebrity-“

To be fair, it was more like a notoriety, but… let man cook.

“-Are Ranny and Noharu mad at me, again? But they’re like my super helpful big sisters… totes woulda tried dating one of em- but they pale in comparison to Erica… heeeeeeeeeeh… what about you? Any romance latel- wait, don’t think I didn’t notice how you looked at her before~”

He took another cup and downed it, poking his elbow at Koga's side. Let's listen to Koga’s story.

”I’m not loud-”

Echoes of spells in the distance rumbled in his mind. Nightly conversations with Hōkamaru… more like nightly conversations to Hōkamaru, all those times Beetle pulled his ear back to his room ‘cause he woke her up… damn, he was kinda loud-

“-…” He took another sip as the topic changed quickly. Yes, Ranma was kind of proud of himself lately – he was the type of guy who quickly got big in his boots whenever good things happened to him, but he’d also mellowed out after getting together with Erica. It was definitely the breakfast that changed him… oh, and the comfort.

Hmh, he was a bit hesitant talking about those two before, hence why he kept it quick with the 65% joke he made, but listening to Koga… yeah, he fucked with it. “Those first days in the 8th were tight. How do you learn about things quickly? All I could see-“

Boing… boing… boing…

“-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, wait, y’know, lemme have another one-“ he interrupted himself, taking a third sip, “I’m not gonna say I didn’t spend the first entire year trying to make Ranny accidently brush up against me, so I could have a coincidental feel like the rest of the newbies- y’know, it’s weird she never noticed… not like it worked. Fuck me back then.”

… As far as he was concerned.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, if you’re that curious, go break a leg or two and pay the 2nd a visit. I’m sure she’ll greet you, she’s an angel like that…” Ranma suggested. You’d think that he’d be excessively too jealous to ever let that happen, but trust was strong between the two… and Koga would never. Ever.

Ranma would make sure his chances with the bartender would never come to fruition, if otherwise.

Also, if the requirement was to mutilate himself to be patched up by her, then… like, game recognized game. “You should ask her out… kinda how it started for me. I was just getting Kaidō’d to anti-oblivion, and I just… mhm… had to shoot my shot then and there. Fuck the consequences – let her know that I’m brave and all that! And she said yes! It was magical!”

Some might’ve speculated how this enigma ever got a girlfriend, but it was honestly that simple. No, he did not fucking have dirt on her or anything, eat shit.

”Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. I bet she expects nothing less from visitors – she probably vibes real good with drunkards,” Ranma added before taking his fourth… fourth? Yeah, fourth cup and emptying it. Maybe it wasn’t the same for everyone… he read some stories about shy, tall guys taking their time with their crushes- maybe Koga was one of those types of guys!

…

“Glad someone gets me – I’m not gonna lie, I kinda hated myself for a bit afterwards and just kinda glared at her legs instead- it’s not working. Every angle, any place I look at – even if I’m looking at the wall next to her, y’know, to the left - I see a little bit of that destructive bounciness invading my view! Took me years to acclimate from that… now, she’s like the naggy older sister I never had. I’m sure she appreciates me, too~”

… Yeah, you’d have to ask her about that.

“I know, riiiiiiiight? Even now, it feels like a damn fever dream, but it’s true – she’s the best,” Ranma expressed full of joy, rocking his head from side to side, “She’s the sweetest, kindest girl I’ve ever met… I really thought she’d get tired of me eventually. Maybe think I’m loud, too, just like all y’all bastards do-“

But he was loud-

“-But it’s like… pffffh, it’s like she brings out the best in me. Did you know I started eating breakfast again? It changed everything! Mornings aren’t ass anymore – it’s pure magic!”

Very simple life, very simple pleasures. That was possibly the source behind his overwhelming happiness. “Toast to that,” Ranma declared, raising his last cup before stopping in his tracks, “Wait… wait, wait, wait, we need more drinks than this. Also, man, fuck this – as if y’all haven’t gotten on people’s nerves yourselves! Y-You know what – how many drinks can we order at once?”

…

“We need as many as possible. I got a game.”

See? That wasn’t so hard to do… Ranma had potential to be a cupid, huh? His nose grew a little longer this time, he felt very proud of himself. It wasn’t… confirmed whether or not she even accepted his invitation, but she didn’t look displeased. This was a good start of something special.

“Toast indee- wait, ya drinking all the sake! Lemme have some, too!” Ranma protested, as if in a race against Koga. He picked up cup after cup and downed them, and… things spiraled from there.

“F-Fu- you know wuh, fuck whoever bombin’ places… dey get no pussy,” he started nagging, sloshing his head left and right, “I ain’t been able to… go to Zanzibar in foreveeeeeeeeeeeer, it’s fucked up! How many places at w-wor- living places ya been, Koga? Huh? I know ya got sum blue balls from da quack-qua-qua-quaranteen too…”

Ranma’s hands made sure to claim as many cups as possible, but his belly wasn’t that big. One cup at a time… one cup…

Other than that, yeah, Ranma was holding his liquor – audibly. Mentally, hell no – he was sliding down the drain at a rapid rate, already talking about Zanzibar and shit. Koga kinda gave him the tilt-head, not really sure about this Zanzibar place… so he hadn’t been there, eh? Guy was missing out.

“Wh- you real? When ya think of islands, beaches, trops and sand sex, ya think of Zanzibar… I went there and that. Wish Soul Society got places like that, too…” he groaned, swinging his torso around while trying to balance a cup in his shaky palm… before emptying it in a hurry, so he wouldn’t spill.

“Tell ya wuh – I’ll take ya there when fuckers, us and we, get dat lockdon downed done, so we go livinining… shiiiiiiiiiiiiet, Erica’d love that place. Ya know, I bet she’d look smashin’ in a one piece…”

His brain kinda turned off a bit when thinking about her, salivating at the images he manifested in his head.