Sit By The Fireside [Catherine, Isamu]

Hesitance and anxiety stilled her tongue, hundreds of thoughts appearing and compressing in upon themselves as she heard Isamu's words, teeth grit behind calm lips as her trained face returned to it's typical composure. Why was this so agonizing? It was just supposed to be a payment and they part, just as normal. Why did this conversation make her feel like she was between a Hollow's jaws, ready to be snapped in two? But then, he brought up someone she couldn't simply brush off. She felt her heart stop as her gaze looked to him, and then back at the fire to quickly hide her fears.

"...You remind me of him," A shockingly hushed tone came from the typically outspoken woman, like her lungs were squeezed so tightly her tone couldn't muster the desire to be any stronger, "Too much, at least of what i've heard of him. Before... Nevermind. Look, I just, I didn't want to see what happened to him, happen to you. It's not like a remedy for hollow poisoning is common anymore. If it weren't for my Gran breaking rules and writing down everything, it probably would've been lost entirely. So thank that horrid dead witch over me."

Her gaze looked lost, like she was remembering something unpleasant. She shuddered.

"What do you mean I remind you of him? Movin' past that, wouldn't you stand to gain something if I fell down and lost myself? I always thought you could care less if I lived or died. I don't see how me falling apart would've changed anything for you..."


And he sincerely meant every word he noted in his question. He supposed there was no real way he could derive an answer from her. Conversely, he knew pushing the subject any further would have likely upset her even more. Of course, he still wanted that one answer. Was it her odd way of saying she cared about him more than he once thought? Or had his mother left a good impression on her? No matter where his thoughts lay, he knew he was thankful. Whether it was passing fancy or something deeper was inconsequential, he was simply content to know he could extend his mother's lifespan a little longer. That was all that mattered.

"Please.... if you have an answer, I'd like to know your genuine thoughts about me."

Surely she could offer him that much, right? He said please. The only thing missing was the cherry on top.

As if the weight of stones dragged her shoulders down, she hugged her knees tight as she stared at the dying flames. Not even hunger rose above the numbness she felt, an illness in her gut as he just kept prodding... Does he really care this much about something so stupid?

"...No. I'd have a lot more to lose than gain if you weren't here anymore," It felt painful to be truthful, "Because... I'd feel really fucked up if... I..."

Lie. Lie. She wanted to lie, just lie, lie and he'll leave. Lie.

"...Lost someone I respect that way. That's a real cheap and shitty way of getting rid of competition, and i'm not scummy like that. If it's in my power why shouldn't I do something to keep you or anyone else in? Job gets boring otherwise."

"Heh... well now. Can't say I expected that answer, but I won't press this subject anymore. You seem tense and uncomfortable as it is. Even so..."

Exhaling softly, her answer left him with the catharsis he needed. He couldn't quite understand why she did what she did, but hearing it helped bring him full circle. He wouldn't have pressed her this much if she had simply gave him cash, but here they were now. He couldn't quite call her a simple acquaintance anymore. His own remnant of honor would not allow it. No, perhaps she was closer to a friend now. Or perhaps they were still rivals that simply cared about the others' wellbeing? Whatever, he couldn't quite pinpoint it, and he was developing a headache figuring out the particulars.

Tossing his cigarette off into the wind, Isamu leaned agaisnt the tree as his eyes gazed at the moon. This fireside conversation had brought with it more than he initially expected, opened his eyes to revelations that gave him pause, but he didn't exactly hate it, either. All in all, it was nice to know he held some form of meaning in her eyes beyond being a mere rival who could be tossed aside at the drop of a hat.

"Without me pressin' you for answers, again... Thank you, Catherine. I genuinely appreciate what you did for me. If you ever need a favor, I'm a phone call away. Of course, next time you need me for somethin', I think it's best you give me somethin' I'm familiar with. I ain't complainin' about this gift, of course, but I'd rather avoid goin' through another round of whatever this was. Sheesh... talk about awkward conversations to share with someone at the fireside."

Stop feeling this way. Cut it out. Dig into your heart, rip it out, and crush it with all your might.

Her lip quivered a bit, hidden by her arms as that lingering instinct barked at her to stop that unsafe sensation, that idiotic feeling that brought only disaster to those who felt it in the wrong circumstances.

Safety.

She shouldn't be feeling safe here. She wasn't alone, there was a body still breathing near her. There wasn't any need or reason to feel at ease, but why was she feeling it? A sickness blossomed in her like a rotting flower, weakening her body and shaking her breath. She shouldn't be feeling this way.

"...Okay Hagane," A cold breath left her, "Understood."