Not Like the Last [Amaranta/Hana]

Hana found Amaranta’s reply interesting. She was one of those combat lovers, but wanted the combat to be somewhat equal, or at least a challenge. Being challenged was likely the way Amaranta got better too. With the difference between them, Hana truly doubted she would ever catch up. She hated violence and fighting, even sparring made her feel dirty, but she did it for the job and nothing more.

“I doubt I will ever be at a point to defeat you,” Hana said as if this was just a fact in her mind. “That is not to say I am not training to increase my strength, but I am well aware of where my passions and talents lie. Fighting was never at the top of my list; I prefer the arts: singing, dancing, writing… I thought I would perform on stage tor a large audience, not battle in a city… but life does not often go my way…”

"It's only a job to you, eh? No wonder you rushed in like a fool the last time. Sheesh. I knew you were a greenhorn, but It sounds like you never wanted to enter the battlefield to begin with. Keh... well, at least you're honest. Dammit, now I'm curious. C'mere..."

Amaranta sat down on a nearby bench, her excitement far more tempered in comparison to the way she approached Hana at the outset. She expected the woman to attack her, to revile her, talk about how she intended to defeat her, but this? This was different. This was odd. On one hand, she didn't enjoy this one bit. On another, she was curious. Requesting two chocolate sundaes from a nearby ice cream vendor, she offered one to Hana as she shook her head. Why were Shinigami and Humans so complicated about their ambitions?

"If those were your dreams, why didn't you just pursue them, then? What held you back? Why go to a place where you could die? Don't you realize how dangerous that is? You'll never survive for long like that. This isn't a place for half-hearted will. I thought I told you that before."

The idea of sitting down with an Arrancar was… weirdly familiar. Hana thought she would hesitate or just say no, but she found herself walking over and sitting down on the bench with Amaranta. Hana sat daintily, like a fragile porcelain doll posing for the camera. Her hands lay in her lap, one ankle crossed over the other. Though she was not as weak as she once was, there was still this snowfall-like elegance about every move Hana made. She was a strong contrast to Amaranta in that way.

"Oh, thank you..." Hana said as she took her ice cream. Yet, another surprise. Were Arrancar evolving from those old books she read so many times? Maybe that is why one was allowed in the Gotei and others seemed to make friends with them. She never imagined she would accept ice cream from an Arrancar...

"I... Well..." Hana was stunned. If she didn't know any better, she would say Amaranta really did care about her well-being, but she had to push those thoughts aside. Amaranta could break her neck if she wanted to, and Hana could do nothing about it. She had to be on guard. "I needed to survive independently from my family. I was born a noble, but my family's power is dwindling. My mother wished to marry me off, but I refused, and since then she has proven she would rather use me for her own agenda or send me to my death. In a way... I want to prove her wrong."

Amaranta indulged the taste of vanilla as she settled into the role of listener in the conversation. Context was crucial here, and she was arguably more curious about her background than the strength that was yet to develop. From what she elaborated, her current lot in life amounted to one of being at the mercy of their progenitors.

The bronze woman's impression of Hana's mother was a woman who only wanted to use her daughter for personal gain. Rebellious by nature, Amaranta couldn't engage the thought of being at the mercy of anyone. Thus, she offered her honest thoughts on the matter, unrestrained and uncensored.

"What's keeping you away from proving her wrong? If that power is dwindling, why keep up the charade? Why not break away and never look back? Compared to risking your life for a job ya don't even like, why not stick it to the bitch and rebel? I don't get it..."

Hana nibbled away at bits of ice cream, but didn’t dive right in like she might have when happy. She kept her head a little low and contemplated the implications behind Amaranta’s questions. Rebel? She wasn’t really that type of woman. She wanted to prove to her mother that she was worth… something, but worth what? Even though she had mostly been apart from them for years, she hated admitting to herself that she missed her family. Even though they abandoned her, hurt her, hated her… For all but six years, they were her entire life.

“I... am not sure," Hana said. "How can I rebel against her without having a direction to rebel towards? I have nowhere else to go. My current job keeps a roof over my head and food in my stomach, so for now, I thought taking time to find what I really want out of life was preferable. I merely get pulled back into thoughts of my family because... I am alone all the time. I have friends, but they are not present as much as I would have liked... And I have learned I am horrible at making new ones."

"Hm..."

What an odd woman. She wanted to risk her life to prove her worth to her mother, but she detested the current life she led. Nothing annoyed her more than observing an existence without certainty. Amaranta couldn't relate to her current frame of mind, but that didn't mean she didn't offer a compelling point as to why she couldn't break from her mother. She was no expert on the matter, but maybe they had money.

Funds that the brat needed to rely on to live a proper lifestyle. To an elegant, dainty woman like her, that lifestyle was probably safe. Convenient. It meant that as long as she danced to their whims, she could enjoy a moderately pleasant lifestyle... but she found such a charade stupid. She hated her current lot in life but wanted to prove her wrong. What did they call this in the living realm... an impasse? Or perhaps she was simply aimless. For a greenhorn like her, it certainly made sense that she had no idea what she wanted to do.

"The first problem is, you're afraid. You fear the thought of struggle. Like you said, if you leave, you have nothing but think about it for a moment. Is your current way of life any more enjoyable? Do you feel content? You wish to prove your mother wrong, but you struggle with the notion of becoming a strong warrior. It's a directionless way of life. I'm no expert on any of this, though. I never had a mother as a hollow. I've always been alone. That's how I got stronger. Of course... things are different now."

Amaranta leaned back with a sheepish grin, allowing her words to float in the air for a moment. Loneliness... she was no longer lonely now. There were people she viewed as... friends. Her boss, other Arrancar - hell, even a few humans adored admiring her as some type of mythical warrior whenever she frequented the neighborhood. What was it, then, that made her so bashful about the subject? Whatever it was, it certainly annoyed her. Turning back to the woman, spoon pointed in her direction, Amaranta posed a question.

"What do you even want out of this life now? Your dreams have long since passed, and you're miserable where you are now. Soul-searching can only help you for so long. No time better than now to pick a path to follow and see it through to the end."

Hana groaned as she let her frustration take hold. She stood up and threw her arms in the air out of annoyance. “Why does it matter?” Hana said, stepping a few feet away and then turning on her heel to face Amaranta. She pointed at the Arrancar, “As long as someone like you does not appear and take my life on a whim, I should have many years to figure something like this out. Why must I figure all of this out right now? I have other things to do, and while I do not enjoy the violence, I would not describe my feelings toward the Gotei as hateful. There are many benefits, including the people I meet, the knowledge I collect. I can defend myself against most threats now. I am doing better than the mess I was when I first joined the Gotei. S-So… So… Why do you care? You are an Arrancar; you are not supposed to care about a Shinigami! Are we not supposed to be enemies? I do not understand!”

"Someone like me, huh? Funny. I don't recall taking your life when we crossed paths the last time. I thought I was teaching you a lesson. Enlighten me, then, Princess. What happens if someone like me takes your life on a whim, hm? What would you do if a superior enemy faced you with the intent to kill you, or whatever else they damn well desire?"

Posing a question in retort to her confusion, Amaranta brought another spoonful of chocolate-covered vanilla toward her mouth, unfazed by the shift in Hana's mood. The elegant woman was of fragile mind, after all.

A fact of no particular surprise, she expected the woman still had much to learn in the grand scheme of life. For one, she posed far too many questions, allowed her emotions to command far too many facets of her life. To open her eyes to the hypocrisy of it all, Amaranta offered a counterpoint before she answered her question.

Directionless, just as she expected, full of uncertainty, content living a life she wasn't wholly content with. In the past, she would have laughed in the woman's face. At the moment, she pitied her. Fierce sapphires bore down on her, as she rose from the bench for a moment. Spiritual pressure flared as her expression grew stern.

"I don't know why I care. Frankly, I find most of you annoying. Everything is so black and white with you soul reapers. Hollow versus Shinigami. You guys slay us, move on, return to your realm, and act like nothing happened. Look, I get it. I don't expect you to understand. I don't understand why this matters to me, either. My simple answer is that I'm interested in your potential, okay? What are you fighting for if you don't enjoy the violence? Why subject yourself to pain? You some kinda masochist or something?"

“What happens? I die, of course! Then any dream or path I may have gone down goes undiscovered and any potential I have is wasted, whether that be in dance or battle.” Hana chose her words very carefully there, realizing she might have snapped a little too quickly. It wasn’t her fault Amaranta was so weird, asking all these person questions. It’s not even like she had a real answer to them!

The flare of reiatsu sent Hana into a defensive mode. She felt her heart race, her eyes widened, and she backed away from Amaranta, hand hovering over the hilt of her blade. Amaranta didn’t attack though. Instead, Hana was scolded again. She slowly calmed down and dropped her arm back to the side, but stayed alert and as ready as she could be. Something about Amarata’s question bothered her.

"What am I fighting for…?” Hana went silent. What exactly was she fighting for? This was a job! It was important, right? Shinigami needed to protect the Soul Cycle, and not many could do such a job. She looked down to her zanpakuto.

‘The Arrancar isn’t wrong… You are consistently fighting to find your purpose, yet deny the ones you are shown. It’s a stupid way to live life…’

Hana didn’t answer her zanpakuto spirit, not here, but her Fukaorimiya could sense the fear, the concern... and the even resolve in Hana. “I don’t know…” Hana said, her voice low until she looked back to Amaranta. “But I plan to find out.”

"Tch. At this rate, we're getting nowhere. Whatever's wrong with you, fix it. Fix it as soon as possible. Living life in this aimless drift between wanting to honor your family and choosing what you desire will only kill you in the end. It might be a slow death or a quick one, but either way, I can't imagine that way of life is a fun one."

Finishing the rest of her sundae even as she stood at full height, Amaranta tossed the carton into the trash. Stretching her arms, Amaranta marched forward to ruffle the elegant lady's hair with an annoyed grin dancing across her features. Shinigami and humans truly were an enigma. There was an inherent divide in assuming everyone else ought to follow her unrepentant philosophy.

Finding a law she could find content in was a more than ideal path for Hana, but the bronze woman wasn't exactly suited to exchanging great advice. In truth, what prompted her to engage her as passionately as she did, anyway? Amaranta frowned softly and leaned down to hold her gaze for a moment.

"Do you mean it?"