A Devil with Wings [Khaana, Amaranta]

Still not enough.

The thought consumed her as she pried a hunk of flesh from the dead hollow and swallowed it down, hunched over the remains of the pile of the deas beasts as she slowly raised that toothy maw, a cascade of blood spilling as she searched the horizon. There were more coming.

She needed to be better.

A hundred excuses all filtered through her mind.
You have to be stronger to keep Amaranta and Kanako in line.
You can't get all fucked up, it's going to ruin your stream schedule!
_{I want it.}
IF you get knocked out what if someone sees you all bloodied up?
_{I want it.}
Don't you want to HELP people?
What are you going to do when our Prince Charming sees our disgusting forms?
_{I want it.}
I want it.

No matter how she tried to rationalize it. No matter how many excuses she came up with. No matter how she felt disgust seeing her own reflection in the pouring rain.
She WANTED to become stronger.
It was the same reason she always went out and got into these fights in the first place.
It was the reason she came out here into the goddamn wastelands to rip through hollows.
It was why she worked so goddamn hard during the week. So that on the weekends... she could be here. Fighting.
It was why she had resorted to eating the corpses of the slain hollows, to fuel her. So she could fight harder. Longer.

He massive frame slowly rose up and she raised that bloody maw up to the sky and let in a slow, sucking breath. And her wings wound around her frame. They were the only solace she had. That these bright, brilliant pale things could adorn this otherwise disgusting form. At first she'd had to be sparing with its use. But she began to use it more. And More. Then, once she'd started eating the hollow she slew. She realized she could keep her energy levels high enough that she didn't NEED to revert. She could STAY like this. For Hours at a time. Almost a day.

That clawed hand peeled her spear from the earth and let out a low, hissing steam from her nostrils as she eyed the horizon. Watching those skulking forms. More enemies to fight. Stronger ones drawn in by the carnage. A slow, steady breath escaped her and steam billowed between her teeth. She could FEEL it.

The more she used her Origin Root, the more she felt she could do more. She could do BETTER. This massive, hulking frame had it's uses. But if she could put all of that extra mass to better use.... she could be better. She could be ... PERFECT. More than just this raging beast. But ....... was this enough?

She'd heard about how hollows develop. Little tidbits. It was only after meeting Amaranta and Kanako that she had learned more intimate information about the process, and she couldn't help but wonder. No matter how hard she fought, it FELT as if she couldn't quite push herself far enough.

Was this not enough?

Was she doing this....wrong?

She slowly tightened her grip on her weapon, and those glowing eyes narrowed.

This was getting out of hand. These fighting binges were starting to bleed out past just the weekends. If she wasn't careful... no, she wouldn't let this get away from her. She was better than this. She just ... needed .... Help.

The voice jarred her from her thoughts. And for a moment, she was stunned before she turned and looked down at the tiny figure of Amaranta. Had she been watching her?

Those multiple eyes narrowed, that terrible green glow turning into a gleam as she ....considered the response. Yes. But also no. Strength was a part of it. But was that really what her ultimate goal was? She wanted to get stronger, but so that she could fight more. She couldn't risk everything she had for thrills. She had to be strong enough that she could survive this ....THIRST in her core.

"It's more complicated than that...." She growled, swallowing the mouthfull of corpse before she turned and rose to her full massive height, peering at Amaranta as she ...slowly looked down at herself. So big. The little kitten looked downright minuscule like this. "I ..... I keep trying ... to become more than this. This ....." She didn't know how to articulate it. The world fel bound in this form. As if this massive hulking frame, as strong as it was, constricted her in some way. This wasn't the end. This was imperfect. Something was MISSING. And as much as she tried to train like a human would, it didn't seem to get her the results she was looking for.

"You mentioned to me before. Hollows...that they all go to Hueco Mundo when they become strong enough....... Why is that?" The question just spilled out of her. By now, Amaranta no doubt was aware of Khaana's nature. If she hadn't guessed, Khaana no doubt would have explained. She was a mod soul made from hollows. And so. It only stood to reason that perhaps the reason she was failing, was because she needed to try things another way.

All of them did this? Was it ...instinct?
What drove them to that place?
And taking a look up to that dark sky, she narrowed her eyes, taking a moment to consider as she then turned to the hollows that had been skulking closer. All of them pathetic and weak. They would be no more stimulating than the ones she'd killed before them. But....was Hueco Mundo so much more dangerous? So much more....intense? The question burned in her mind as she turned and then peered at Amaranta, and slowly, that form of hers steamed, shrinking down as that mass was slowly reabsorbed into Khaana's frame. Until the last dregs of it either were sucked in or melted off her body, leaving Khaana bare and shaky. It had been a few days since she'd been in her human form, and it took her a moment to adust.

Those eyes however burned as she looked back toward Amaranta, taking a slow, steady breath as she ...considered what it was she was about to ask. It was already nearly the end of the weekend. She might be late. She didn't have a stream until late monday but.... she couldn't ignore this ... tug. Surely her managers would cme up with something. If nothing else, they had gotten a bit used to things. Maybe Sija would cover for her for a day or two. Tch.... they probably thought she was getting drunk or something. Surely... one day wouldn't be the end of the world.


"Can you take me there?"

Khaana furrowed her brows ever so slightly and watched at how easily Amaranta opened a garganta, and she wondered if she was able to do such a thing. she never had tried. But for now, she ..... approached that tear in reality and considered. Her eyes shifting toward Amaranta and tilting her head. "Not gonna try to stop me or anything? After all , if I die, then you're out of house and home." She pointed outg, editating for aonly a second as she settled on that precipice. The black void, with only her spirit energy to keep her aloft. She moved a bit closer to Amaranta, wary of that dark void around the entrance.

Was this smart? Even just putting aside her work. This was dangerous. But ..... the potential was too damn inviting. She wasn't gonna back out now. She walked past that threshold and swallowed audibly Eyes slowly narrowed as she turned and waited for Amaranta to lead them.

"Well. I guess as longas I have you there incase things go sideways. I guess I can't complain."

Khaana couldn't help the soft snort of derision as Amaranta suggested she back out with such clear lacking confidence. She dobted that Amaranta would actually think her the type to do that. Reaching up, she gave a sharp little TUG on one of those ears as she walked past the woman and into that gulping dark, forming reishi beneath her feet as she felt. ...... an odd familiarity with this sensation. This FEELING. She couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"I think we both know that I'm the hero between the two of us." she stated firmly, before...... she kept on walking. For just a moment, she had almost suggested that Amaranta lead the way. But ......something was all too familiar about this place. and before she knew it, she started leading the way all on her own. As if her own instincts were kicking in. It sent a chill up her spine to think about. She didn't like to think about what she was. She was a human, sortof, after all. And yet, there was always that underlying undeniable reality that she was not fully human. She was ....some other thing. Something between being a proper person and being ...a monster. But she chose to push those thoughts out of her mind for the time being. all that mattered was getting to hueco mundo. She'd figure things out from there.