The Lonliest Number (Tier, Santa)

It took a bit longer than perhaps she expected. She knew that this wasn't really Tier's ..... thing. This affection. But even knowing that, she was happy that the woman tolerated.....how she was. And thinking back, there was quite a bit that the woman had tolerated. And after several long moments, Santa peeled away from the woman and looked to her apologetically. "I'm sorry. I forget you're not really a touchy person. But thank you for letting me....do that." She noted softly, in no real hurry to keep walking again. It wasn't as if they had a destination to get to. Walking. Standing around. It was all the same in these sands. None of it really mattered.

"So. I know my little...adventure didn't really go much of anywhere..." A soft pain from the lie she had to tell. "..What about you? What have you been doing since I last saw you?"

Santa's eyes widened slightly, surprise written across her face at Tier's reply. The world she .... Her mind raced back, and for just a moment, she was reminded of that trip they had taken. Of the things she'd.....tried to share with Tier. Tere had been other occassions. Other little visits to the world of the living, attempts at bringing things to Tier. Santa had made quite the concerted effort to pull Tier up from her despair. But it had always felt like she never made any ground. The pain of loss had always seemed to get in the way.

And then Tier spoke of how things had been left off. And that was far fresher in Santa's mind. She certainly recalled the weapon drawn on her. The warning given by the Espada. And she couldn't help but give a nervous smile. "I understood why you did it," She trailed quietly., but really it was the contact that caught her off guard next. They had made contact before. Always at Santa's behest. Hugs. Gentle touches. All manner of things that always left Santa feeling....guilty. Because each and every time, Tier shrank or tensed from it. This, was the first time that she could remember Tier reaching for her. And for a moment.... she was very still. As if afraid of scaring that hand away.

She was quiet for several long seconds, catching Tier's gaze and realizing that the woman wanted to know what had happened. And ....... Santa didn't know what to say. What COULD she say? She closed her eyes, and the soft gleam of tears gently ran down her cheek. As she ....thought back.

To the friends she made.
The friends she'd clung to in times of sorrow.
And ...
How each and every one of them.... was gone now.

A soft tremor of pain ran across her expression. The words were there. ON the tip of her tongue. And yet it hurt to .... think of them. The act of trying to speak them.... made the pain somehow more fresh. "I made friends..... n...not.....not all of them good. People that .... were bad. Had done terrible things. But they were kind to me...that's all I ever really knew of them. But .... then .... all of them died. Some ..vanished..." She thought back to Calypso's Cabin. How she ....waited there. Waited for so long. For someone who would never come back. "Some...... are dead.... because of me..." Her shoulders hunched, thinking to Algos. For all of the evil she'd learned of her, even so... the memories from Verdada poisoned her thoughts. Of what Ajora had done to her. Had hidden from Santa. "And.....some..... died trying to make the world better." Her beloved Mazda. A man she had found in the throes of mourning for Calypso and Algos. Men.... and Women.... that by investigation... she'd found were perhaps.... not people she SHOULD have befriended.

But she couldn't help it.
No matter what they had done.
She still missed them.
They still left holes in her heart.

"I've lost everyone." She sniffled quietly, "I .... want to be strong. I still want to make the world better. A world where maybe they wouldn't have had to go away. But I don't know what to do anymore."

Santa couldn't help but blush a little as Tier spoke those words. She knew what Tier was trying to convey. Even though the woman actually didn't EXPRESS any of those sentiments. She could feel it in her voice. And see it in her eyes. And in those eyes, she felt some small measure of comfort. She wiped away the tears, and smiled as she looked to the woman, feeling that grip tighten. She wanted to pull Tier into another hug. But ...well...she knew that would possibly just make the situation awkward. She knew that the feelings she had, old as they were, were just her own.

But all the same. Those words were still a comfort. And Santa chuckled softly, still sniffling just a bit. "That's gay, Tier." She chuckled, before turning her head and gently reaching up to rest her hand on Tier's. A soft, warm smile on her face. "Thank you." She noted softly. Unsure, but happy to accept the comfort. She still didn't know what to do. Her heart had been filled and then torn back apart so many times. She felt ruined...... that once happy idiot was now .... still probably an idiot. Just.... not so happy and innocent. She was a shell of her former self... but maybe that didn't matter. They had plenty of time to figure things out.

The surprise on Santa's face was .... obvious. And for a moment, she was actually stunned, and seeing Tier remove her hand and then turning, as if in invitation? Santa couldn't help but break out into a soft, warm smile.

Indeed.
Why DID she hold herself back?

And in that moment, a face entered her mind. One that technically no longer existed. And she ..... still ... stood there. Even now, unsure. For so many different reasons. But she remembered a promise she'd made. A promise made in a quiet, dark place. She needed.....something. Someone. This emptiness.... it was eating away at her. She didn't know if she'd ever be ....fixed, from everything she'd lost. But it was a start. That smile softened, a gentle glowing warmth on her lips. She stepped forward, and gently slipped her arms around the woman, holding her close before promptly straightening her back, lifting Tier clean off of the ground and tightening her hold. Santa had grown considerably stronger, at least physically, and she lifted the once-espada as if she didn't weigh a thing. A soft, slow sigh escaping her, as if a great weight had left her shoulders, gently resting her cheek against Tier's as she ......enjoyed the embrace.

"I missed you." She admitted quietly.

She expected a bit of flailing, but she smiled as Tier slowly settled into it, and Santa relaxed her grip just a little. One arm settling about the woman's waist, the other up and over her chest as she held Tier close. Something to cling to... something to hold close and cherish. However briefly. And yet, as Tier gently seemed to relax, that soft murmur from the arrancar ...... stirred something within her. IN truth, she never knew how Tier.... truly felt about her. She knew that she cared, somewhat? IN the abstract sense that she said things that implied as much. She comforted her. She allowed these moments of contact. But there was still some dissonance between them.

And so, hearing that soft murmur. Her smile deepened. And gently, she lowered Tier back to the ground, circled around her, and then promptly pulled her back into her arms, now fully face to face so that she could hug the woman properly. "You don't have to miss me anymore. " Se gently pulled back and smiled. "I want to help you. If you'll have me."