Wellness Check [Cyrus, Sophie]

Now it was his turn to become irrate by her behaviour, he could understand her frustrations and was trying to be understanding. Even understanding his own state he tried to do his best in what capacity he could but to have her question his dedication made the faintest look of anger flare before disappearing to the same expression he had before albeit a bit tighter in the lips.

"To protect people in not just the present but their future."

He didn't give her a chance to pick it apart or lecture him further, for everything he was, he was the leader and she was displaying a naive, childish attitude about the whole situation so he'd lecture her.

"Had I gambled on a slim chance that I could sway the tide of battle against Ichigo Kurosaki and died, how then do I protect who comes after? I assisted where I could, rallying and evacuating those who couldn't fight or were not strong enough. Do you hold the same feelings towards Director Kishar - a woman with far greater power than you or I - for not participating due to being disadvantaged by the enemie's speed and strength?"

This could be a moment to relent and let her think about what he'd said but Cyrus did not want to hear her snippy remarks. A fool he may be but at least he had the self-awareness now to recognise that while the miracle of her survival had seemed to make her more emboldened.

"You claim to want to protect people but being unable to recognise a difference of power so vast only causes you to require protecting."

Sophie certainly thought to snap back at the Grandmaster, but she realized she didn't have a reasonable answer. Was she angry toward the Director? Yes, she was. She knew that she shouldn't have been, but she was, and in a way it made her disappointed with herself. She should have been better than that, getting angry over something so foolish, but after what had happened, how could she not feel as though other people ought to at least have tried just as much as she had?

She clenched her hand tightly into a fist, enough that it was painful. She hated to admit that he was right, but it didn't change how she felt.

"And how could I look at myself in the mirror if I hadn't done what I did? I don't want to throw myself suicidally into danger. But are you telling me what I did wasn't worth the risk? That the lives I saved weren't enough?"

There was a fire in her eyes now, and while she knew she was overstepping her bounds at this stage, it felt necessary, in a way. If she'd been in a different state of mind, Sophie would likely have been outright livid with herself for daring to speak like this, but right now it seemed vital she do so.

"If people aren't protected in the present, they'll never have a future. Even if I had died, then so what? I would have died saving other people, doing what I joined the Vandenreich to do. If we aren't willing to risk ourselves for people, then why are we even here!?"

Admittedly, she'd grown a little too forceful there, and she found herself coughing painfully after that last sentence. But Sophie meant what she'd said, and she didn't regret it. She'd admired the Grandmaster, and there was a part of her that wanted to still. But she wouldn't accept this sort of idle, half-assed approach to their work. It wasn't why she'd joined the Vandenreich. She imagined it wasn't why anyone had.

"Because you can, even if not in the present you have the potential."

Cyrus glared her down, the difference between them was not vast but it was enough that he still felt he had some advantage to push her. Cyrus didn't discredit her actions, she had saved quite a bit during the lead up to Ichigo's resurreccion and supported them well but there was no need to directly confront him. That was the change of helping to suicidal foolishness.

"Do not curse your powerlessness in the present when you can become stronger to be able to save people better next time. If you desire to become stronger then spend more time recovering and once you are properly healed then train to become stronger."

Was he a hypocrite for these words? Yes but he had accepted that he was a hypocrite no matter what he did now. Even if this path was laced with contradictions and mistakes he'd promised to take the steps needed to improve and make good on his words. Cyrus wasn't going to back down especially not to her right now.

"And what about you?"

There was a bite to Sophie's retort, her glare meeting his own even in spite of the difference between them in both power and rank. This wasn't a matter of who was stronger, more important, any of that. It was just a matter of principle. Sophie was willing to give up a great deal for her work here, but she wasn't going to abandon her principles. If the Grandmaster was going to speak to her like this, she would do the same.

"Are you pushing yourself? If Ichigo Kurosaki comes back, are you going to be stronger than last time? People depend on you, and what are you doing for the Vandenreich right now? Are you getting stronger? Do you think people have forgotten the war, forgotten what you did for the world then? Everyone wants to know what happened, why you can't protect people like you used to. But honestly, I don't care what happened. I want to know if you're trying to be that leader again."

For someone that cared deeply about her work, who had given up a great deal for it, it was almost sickening to think that she might be working for someone so hypocritical. Maybe he was. But it had been a long time now, and he still wasn't the man they all remembered from back then. He wasn't even close.

"Pride and arrogance. That's what happened, aspirations of pursuing greater heights of power for myself left me in this state. I wanted to protect everyone and I only ended up falling victim to my hubris instead."

He wanted to let out his frustration at the whole situation to someone other than Arcadia, he had lost everyone else and he was losing them bit by bit with every bit of time that passed by. He wanted her to understand that his own ego had brought him near death and powerless, wanted to tell her that she had put herself in the current position and was deluding herself to justify that her near death was correct and she was morally superior as a result.

"A day does not go past where I do not regret these actions, Sophie. To know that my desire to protect you all left me powerless when I was needed most. I will never let that happen again but I was not going to throw my life away and justify to myself that I did all I could. I haven't because I will become better than the fool I was that lost everything with shortcuts no matter how hard it is."

His brilliant dark eyes burned with the fire that made his other aspects' light pale in comparison. His face was ragged and weary but regardless of the tired look he wore the Grandmaster had the same eyes of his past, the unflinching resolve but with none of the hubris. A wiser man humbled by the errors of a foolish boy.

Perhaps, if she'd heard Cyrus say those words from a distance, or over the phone, Sophie wouldn't have believed him. It was easy to say all those things, to say you understood the mistakes you'd made, to admit to them without really learning from them. But her eyes had already met his, and she could see the intensity behind them with every word. It wasn't just the indignance of someone who had been insulted.

It was, at least at the moment, the same look that he'd carried when she first joined the Vandenreich. Glancing away, her clenched fist loosening only just a bit, she thought about what to say now. She wasn't going to simply back down, admit that she was wrong and apologize. She might hhave, if she thought she was. But Sophie was still firm in everything she'd laid out.

"Alright. Then I'll hold you to that."

Bold, certainly, to say something like that to the Grandmaster. But she was resolute in this.

"I'll keep training. I don't want to see you fall behind, sir."

It was challenging, but not in the manner that her voice had been before. There was still no room for doubt that Sophie felt the Grandmaster had much to prove. She wasn't simply going to accept what he'd said and leave it all at that. But if he was so firm that he was working to grow, then she wasn't going to doubt him, either. She'd simply see the results with her own eyes, and make her judgement the only way that she reasonably could.

"That's good to hear."

Cyrus felt himself loosen a bit in posture, a moment of relaxation after she had him so tense and he let his mind have a moment of rest. He was glad to hear her challenge and honesty about holding him to those words, it gave him that same purpose that had made him take that pathway to power in the first place.

He wanted to protect them but he had to be more thoughtful about it. it was a strange feeling being so weak had given him a different perspective, after all he had been all but delusional before he acquired his power and then he remained that way during his high. It was only through losing everything that he found himself grounded and understanding people. He was now amongst them and would grow alongside them after this disaster.

Sophie felt she ought to simply say, 'is that all, sir?' and return to her work, get back to bed. But that felt almost hollow now, after this conversation. She wasn't nearly strong enough for any physical effort, but what more work could she do at her desk? It was all just a way to keep herself from being idle.

She'd strained herself enough with this, anyway. And she didn't want to just become some obsessive recluse.

"I should get something to eat, sir. You're welcome to join me."

Had she ever spoken with the Grandmaster personally before this? She didn't think she had. They'd interacted plenty on a purely professional grounds, but she had always known he was ostensibly quite personal. That hadn't been Sophie's way of doing things, and she doubted it ever would be to the degree Cyrus had once done. But she ought to make some effort.

Well, he was glad that he didn't have to order her into recovery. He could understand the lost faith in him but Cyrus still cared deeply for every member of the Vandenreich's wellbeing, so he would gladly take this chance to personally see to her rest and perhaps be better off for it as well.

"I'd be glad to accompany you, Ms. Geisleitt."

He couldn't spend all his time trying to recover and become stronger, if he neglected to try and rekindle that faith in him with power and no one left to protect then it was all for naught and he could not have that. How difficult it would be to try and cultivate himself and everyone that he could through that process. He could certainly give his best effort for it though.