Love is Heavy [Mana, Vanyel]

Answers.

That was all he wanted right now.

Vanyel snapped his fingers as a cobalt vortex spiraled to life in front of him. If there was one thing that Calypso talked about with any sense of positivity, as little as there was, it was her mother. It might not have been the most positive or healthy relationship that she had, but, she at least had better things to say about her than Algos. Sliding his arms through the sleeves of his jacket, Vanyel straightened his jacket out before putting his hands in his pockets.

He was tired of just sitting around, moping. He needed answers, even if it didn't get him anywhere, it was worth it to at least take the step to try and figure out what the next move was regarding Calypso. Sighing, he instinctively reached into his pocket to pull out a cigarette, but refrained, instead tossing the pack onto the nightstand in his room. He really needed to kick that bad habit, and what better time to start than now, right?

Stepping into the portal, he went from Sierra Nevada to Mana's Chasm Point. From a carpeted floor to cold, hard tile. Chains, skulls, and more -- it felt more like something out of a SAW movie, a world that seemed more befitting of a being of death, rather than chaos. He could feel a strange stirring of warmth inside him upon stepping foot in the place.

Perhaps the Phonoi felt more at home here, close to their mother, in the deepest reaches of Eris. His footsteps echoed as he approached Mana, a tired expression across his face.

"Been a while, huh? Figured this would be more fitting than just talking through the Seal. Hope that's alright."

"Ya are good."

That single jovial voice echoed behind Vanyel until a pale-skinned claw put its grasp on his right shoulder. Forming herself out of a mist of emerald and shade, the Royal Asthavon grinned as gem eyes set themselves on Vanyel and soon trapped him in a bear hug from behind. Given the shitty life this miserable bastard had, he could benefit from some physical affection. And what better than from one of the most powerful and hottest demons of all time? He should consider himself so lucky not to earn her fury.

"But yes, dearie, it's been a while. And I can tell, ya soul feels like shit. So take the hug."

There was a snort as the seal definitely couldn't read minds by force, but she could feel his aura and knew his story well enough to know this wasn't a pleasure trip. So, Mana rested her head against Vanyel's before she rang out the most obvious question.

"What went wrong?"

Hm? What? Nobody sees The Demon Queen unless something has gone horribly wrong. Of all people in the cosmos, seeking the audience of Mana Asthavon, the devil herself, was akin to a last resort. Should all other options fail, Satan herself could help ya out of a pinch with her giddy witts.

"People don't normally visit the devil without something going astray."

With the claw on his shoulder, it was hard for him not to notice that she was behind him. Yet, he offered no resistance as she wrapped her arms around him and pulled the man into a bear hug. A small smile came to his face at the gesture of affection, and he even leaned against her slightly. Perhaps it just...felt nice to be held again. His soul feeling like shit sure was one way to put it. But, then she posed the question, and the smile faded.

As quickly as it came, the smile turned into a tired, melancholic frown. What hadn't gone wrong? He knew that she could likely sense it just as well as he could, and so, with a sigh, Vanyel tilted his head to look her in the eye as best he could. But, even with the partial desire to make a sarcastic comment, he refrained. Not now. Now wasn't a time when he was even really in a mood to sugarcoat anything.

"Calypso's dead. Has been for a while now. It's pretty late, but...I'm sorry."

He didn't have a doubt in his mind that she already knew. She probably also already knew how deep he had been in grief at the realization. The woman he loved without equal, the woman he was willing to fight gods and demons to keep safe, gone.

"I just wanted to ask some things, since, you knew her better than I did. Do...do you know where she died? Or how she died?"

He paused for a moment, and his voice lowered to a barely audible mumble.

"...Does she even have a grave?"

Maybe he was just being stupid, asking questions about human rituals for creatures that were anything but. He didn't care. Even if there was no body or grave, something as small as this meant so much to him. It was only human of him.

Sickness. Deep, deep sickness. That word is the only thing that can describe the feeling of Mana's body as Vanyel spoke those words. The mother of Calypso became cold to the touch as that jovial spirit was sucked right out of the demon when the man ahead of her asked what had happened to his wife and children. Slowly, she let him go as the whiplash in mood would be apparent at this point as it felt like the godling ahead of him had seen a ghost.

Remembering all the trauma Calypso endured, the failures as a mother she was to that child, and the lack of love and guidance she received in her life was something that tore the soul of The Asthavon deep. Yeah, she knew she was a monster and a blight on the world. That is something she could live with as the world was nothing but her enemy, and they had their right to hate her. But her family? To fail them so horribly because of her own mistakes and inability to see beyond her manic power? That was unforgivable.

And, in the weight of her demented conscious striking the demon, she fell to her knees as she did not desire to know what happened to Calypso and her grand-baby. Still, for Vanyel's sake, she had to suck it up, eat that rancid crow of her past miserable actions and face the reality that she was gone and nothing she could do could ever make up for the wrong in that child's life.

"...I don't know where her body is, but I know she and that child perished."

The Demoness wanted to puke at that instant. I mean, what could she even say to make any of this better? What could even remedy the pain this man felt? As a mother, this wound hit deep as she wanted that child to be her favorite, but she had seen her own weakness for what it was, and it hurt so much to confront.

"I can try to find them to the best of my ability if that is what you want from me, but I'm so sorry...."

Grief. That was all Mana could give him. She truly regretted what had happened to him, her, Algos, Calypso, and everyone in her family. This whole world could go to hell for her, but the Demoness failed the one thing she was meant to protect and got her power for her family. Even as she stands on the doors of godhood, nothing will make it okay.

"Please....forgive me, Vanyel. I never wanted that for you or my daughter."

In a quiet tone of voice, Mana held her head down as she sat there at the fight of Vanyel, hoping he would understand somehow, someway....

In the briefest of moments, the warmth of her touch was gone. The icy embrace that remained slowly detached from him, and Vanyel turned to face her proper. He didn't need to read minds to tell what she was feeling, and that alone made his heart sink. It just hurt all over again. Even if she had said nothing, he knew. His eyes widened as Mana Asthavon, Queen of the Demons, fell to her knees in front of him and asked for his forgiveness.

His lip trembled as his arms hung by his sides like vines. His eyes squeezed shut as a strangled cry came from him, a lump forming in his throat as his body instinctively fought the urge to scream, to wail and cry. All that came from him were loud, shaky gasps as he sunk to his knees, holding up the upper half of his body with his arms. Tears welled up in his eyes as his body began to tremble.

He had known for so long, and yet hearing it from the lips of Calypso's own mother made the dam finally shatter. He had tried so hard to keep his composure for so long, to keep himself from wallowing, crying, and moping around.

He'd thought that the initial moments of grieving were enough, that he needed to be strong, to push it all down again and keep it locked away, to focus on becoming human again. He tried to push away the feeling of missing her as best he could. It just hurt too much. He couldn't keep holding it back anymore. He missed her. He loved her. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms one last time and to have that one moment last for all eternity.

His voice called to Mana from the Seal of Eris.

'Please. Please, try to find them. I just...I just want to be able to see her, one last time. To say goodbye, to give her a grave. She deserves that much, at least.'

He couldn't speak. He just brought his arms around Mana, holding onto her. He wanted to hold someone, to be held, to feel as if he wasn't alone in the pits of chaos itself, lamenting the one he loved without equal. He didn't want her to go. Even after everything that had happened, she was all that remained.

He couldn't bear the thought of losing that too.

There was a cold weight around Mana's body as she felt her life had been sucked out of her. The world was static until she felt the pain ringing out in Vanyel's heart. When that hit her soul, the eyes of the demoness started to soften as she looked up at him, pleading with her to find Calypso. In that instant, the only thing that came to mind was Nidhana. She knew it was a stretch, but she'd give him some hope.

"I...will do what I can. If these powers make me a goddess, then by the gods, I should be able to scan the living world and feel Nidhana to get some sense of an answer. I haven't come up with a way to do that in my current state, but that's the only hope I have of getting an answer...."

Closing her eyes, Mana shivered and continued.

"But when I'm finished recovering, I promise you I will get a conclusion for you. You deserve that much."

With the cat out of the bag, Vanyel should have hope. So, instead of lingering on that point for too long, she just tightly held Vanyel as he sought to hold her in turn. Both of them broke hearts at this moment as the woman's own tears started to flow out of her control as her face was so...numb.

"I can't replace her, but you never deserved any of this. Thank you for your forgiveness...."

Hope.

That glimmer of hope caused his heart and body to be at peace for a brief moment. Even if it had the chance to not come to fruition, if he would have to scour the entire planet Earth to find her body, or even remnants of her spirit, Vanyel held onto that idea. His tight embrace around her loosened for a moment, and, while his throat was still too dry to speak properly, he gave a solemn nod in response. His breathing was still shaky, trying to soothe himself and calm down.

He didn't want anyone to replace her. Nobody could replace that for him. Even with everything that she put him through, that pure love for her held firm, something that he never thought he had when he was younger. Bringing an sleeve to his face, he wiped his eyes and tried to clear his throat so that he could speak. Now that he was finally calming down a bit, his arms wrapped back around Mana, resting against her shoulder as he spoke. His voice was quiet, enough to be considered a mumble.

"Thank you...for at least trying. Even if ya can't find her, it...it means a lot that you tried."

The pain had finally subsided, for now, and all that was left was a stinging emptiness in his heart as his shaky, emotion-fueled breathing finally came to an eerie calm. With a quiet sigh, his arms wrapped tighter around the Demon Queen. Once again, from heartbreaking sorrow, to an even worse numbness.

"Did she...ever talk to you about the people she'd met? Anyone that might know more?"

"Aye. Even if I ain't fit to call myself her mother, I can't leave my baby out there."

Soon after speaking those words, a tiring sigh exited the lips of the woman. Sure, Mana was aware of the effects her inaction caused for her daughter, and she knew she didn't look after her in the best way. Yet, regardless of that fact, that was still something that came from her and wouldn't stop The Demoness from claiming Calypso as her own. From this life to the next, that was her kin.

Of course, that sentiment wouldn't last for too long. The words of Vanyel woke the woman to the reality around them as she pondered if there were other people she could have known. Ulv? That woman was dead. Santa? She seemed more invested in Algos than Calypso, but Mana wasn't too aware of the details of their relationship. Cyrus and the Vandereich? It's doubtful they'd even cross that bridge as she'd have known if it was a Quincy or not. So, Mana shook her head and just told Vanyel the truth.

"I'm not sure who else would have answers on her whereabouts, I'm afraid. I mean, sure, I could pester Santa, but it's doubtful she'd have any leads."

Shaking her head at this point, the demoness just looked at Vanyel and asked her own question.

"But even if we can find her, what will you do then? I can't imagine how hard it will be to have that closure and start anew after what she meant to you."

Crestfallen was the only word that could define his expression as Mana admitted her uncertainty. It seemed that Calypso kept even that a closely guarded secret from her mother. It was frustrating, to realize just how little she seemed to trust anyone. Though, part of him couldn't exactly blame her with the life that she had lived. But, there was at least someone that could potentially give him answers: someone named Santa.

"Even if she doesn't, it's worth a try. I'll scour ever single corner of the Earth if I need to."

It was a simple stubbornness, to investigate and look into every possible potential lead until he found one. Even if there was only a snowball's chance in Hell for something to come from it, he would still try. But, then Mana's own question came: what came next? Beyond what he had already set out to do, to shed this demon blood and body he had come to despise...he wasn't sure.

"After turnin' back into a human, I...I guess I'll try and go back to my somewhat normal life. Build up my strength, keep goin' for her sake. It's...not gonna be easy. If I'm bein' honest, she was a primary reason for me to keep goin'. Caly meant everythin' to me. But, now..."

His head lowered, his body trembling as his hushed voice started to break. With how things had ended, and how it always seemed to end up when it came to him and Calypso, him barely ever seeing her, only getting maybe the occasional day or night when she visited him, and then, all of it had cast a shadow of doubt in his heart and mind, one that scared him more than anything.

"I don't even know if she ever loved me in the first place."

To live an everyday life? Yeah -- that was good. To Mana, not many are fit for the position The Demoness was in. She was willing to give everything for her power and to keep fighting for her people, her family, and her world. Yet, look at where it got her. Yes, she was divine, but now she was just -- alone. And lost in her own realm to build. No one can harm her, and despite that, the existence she finds herself is foreign to the old. So, for Vanyel, it was wise to keep going.

"Then be happy and do not seek the path of a devil again. It's not fit for mortals."

Sounding resolved, the woman held her fixed stare on Vanyel before speaking further.

"And in saying that, don't look back. Don't question things. I know Calypso loved you from the bottom of her heart, but there were so many things that failed that child."

Trying to think of the right words to say, Mana remained silent for a few moments. Then, when the right thing to say came to her mind, she spoke it without much hesitation.

"It's not your fault, Vanyel. Don't ever blame yourself for that. Promise me that, alright?"

And with that, Mana just placed her right hand upon his own and let that sentiment remain as she closed her eye.