The World I Have Known is Lost In Shadow[Solo]

Inaction once again proved to be my greatest affliction. When the opportunity stood before me, I willingly allowed myself to falter. All it took was but a moment to defy, to stand with pride. And now...

I sit within this damnable cage, with nothing to show for.

There was no one to speak to, no voice to offer her innermost thoughts. To interact with. Thus, the graceful woman sat within her prison cell, quietly gazing toward those ever-familiar steel bars. It stood in stark contrast to the freedom of sleeping in a bed, of exiting a door to meet and converse with those she considered friends, beloved companions with whom to share her joys and aspirations. Aspirations... Aspirations. She once thought she possessed the ability to dream, to go beyond her station... but now, she could no longer tell. Doubt had finally settled in.

This was no act of bravery in her eyes. What had she achieved by accepting this fate? Nothing. Had her existence been so inconsequential in the grand scheme of her pursuit towards redemption? Was there anything to be redeemed? As Murasaki said, she had failed to truly prove she deserved her freedom, and Hime had considered her words, agreed with them as if there was no opportunity to voice her own displeasure.

Even now, she was but a passive, brittle thing. Worth little more than a speck of dust. Emerald eyes traveled towards her hands. For a moment, she wondered. Why not use her hands to blind herself...? To avoid this sight altogether? Would that lessen the pain she felt? Blind herself from the very thing she'd sworn to avoid? Or would that, much like everything she failed to do leading up to this point, be an act of cowardice? After all, Hime had certainly thought she could handle this, to lay within this ever familiar position. She once spent countless years here, longing to die, to be executed for her crimes. Why had fate cursed her so? Why did it prolong the inevitable? Was it punishment for the sins of her past? Was she truly unworthy death's reprieve?

Reflecting on those years, reflecting on those who set her free... angered her. No, perhaps she angered herself. They certainly held their reasons for breaking her from her shackles. She had been offered a deal she could not refuse. Knowing her sister's freedom was promised - Ah, there was no greater gift. A finer gift was to be forgiven by her sibling. Her beloved Kirio... there was no one with a more gracious spirit than she. She could have cursed her, turned her away from her shop, but she chose to leave the past behind them. Even with the loss of her powers, her spirit was an unwavering symbol of determination. If only she possessed but one ounce of that strength....

Her hand reached up towards her eyes. A single strike would be enough. For all of her bravado, this isolated view was utterly....

Unbearable.

A single slash across the eyes. A precise strike across the brow, and she would be released from this excruciating view. It would not be the reprieve of death she had longed for in the past, but perhaps it would put her soul at ease. Try as she might, execution remained perpetually elusive, as if fate was playing out a divine comedy at her expense. She pressed her nails against her eyelids, fingers digging against flesh. Blood was drawn, but the deed remained incomplete. The once-graceful woman hesitated.

Why? There was no need to hesitate. No need to stay her hand. At the very least, she could follow through with this act, cowardly as it may have appeared. There was nothing but isolation here. It was a miserable position. Falling apart at the seams with each passing moment, she appeared every part the fool for believing she could face this trial head on. Her faith had been tested, but now it seemed to be unraveling with each passing second.

The composed poise she prided herself on was nonexistent. It was so fragile now, composed of glass so brittle that the slightest touch might cause it to shatter entirely. Even a month here had wore against her soul. Perhaps someone of greater mettle would've saw this as a stepping stone, may have viewed this as an opportunity to gain a greater sense of conviction in their life.

Hime was not so certain now. She had selfishly relied on being affirmed in the eyes of others, depending on their judgments to keep her grounded... to give her life meaning. And yet, the only thing that surrounded her now was prison bars. An atmosphere void of support, with no one's voice to guide her but her own. Was she even allowed visitation hours? No one had visited her yet; she doubted anyone knew, really. Even if they did, would they even visit her? Would she even desire to be viewed in such a pathetic state?

Hanako. Elyss. Saiko.

Those three in particular had earned a greater degree of her admiration than they could ever imagine. They overcome their obstacles. They were brave. They were ambitious. They were, quite simply, everything that she was not. Like stars shining brightly in the skies, theirs was a will she could only dream of obtaining. They possessed agency. A true pursuit to keep them in constant, unending motion.

Perhaps, this was her fate for being so weak, then; for always yearning to be affirmed, to be told that she deserved to exist, in spite of the blood that stained her hands, the mountain of corpses she created trying to appease the whims of those who held ill-intent towards the world she had come to love.

The world she could not grasp. Had those words she uttered to each of them been but meaningless promise? She had resolved to support them, to share in their glory, their success. Why, then, did she lie here? Prepared to tear her eyes away? Where was her resolve? Did she even possess such a remarkable trait? What made her torment all the more tragic is that she could not properly remember who it is she served. She was a criminal, but who moved her strings?

Droplets of blood stained her robes. Wherein did the meaning lie to any of this? Did she care to see this through? She had been robbed of her desire to be executed, yet found herself freed, blessed by the gifts of friendship and affection, only to be confined to a prison cell she swore she would never return to again. Was this karmic retribution at play? Her breath grew panicked. A single tear mixed oddly with the crimson hue against porcelain skin, staining her cheek. Why was she hesitating?

Why be a coward now? Dig the eyes out, tear them away. Remain here, lose yourself in blissful delusion of what could have been. You were never brave, you were never courageous, you are but a meaningless echo in time, a flame that ought to have flickered out long ago...

Be done with it. Go ahead. Show me the mercy I long for. There is no where to turn. Nowhere to go. I'll never reach it. I'll never go beyond that threshold. If this useless body can do anything, free me. I tried... but the fact of the matter is....

What little light I had... has been snuffed out.

The depth of depravity, anger, woe, loss, and dread which lay in the depths of prison was immense. As far as Saiko was concerned, if she were a demented demon creature of the night, this would be the perfect place to feed on to fuel her power. So it was clear as day why someone would need to observe, watch and record all of the interactions that were about to take place in this tomb. A group of shinigami that reported directly to Murasaki followed Saiko in black-cloaked suits as the Mistress of Glum came to see an old friend.

At this point in time, Saiko had no idea of the kind of trouble Hime had gotten herself into, and she would have preferred to hear the circumstances from the horse's mouth. Hence, she requested to visit her ceil and assess the situation for herself. However, it was useless to her to read reports as she was going to directly get both sides of the story from both Hime and Murasaki before her mind would be made up.

So, the sounds of feet shuffling echoed down the hallway where Hime's bloody self lay as the gaze of Saiko's aqua eyes lit up the darkness and brought a dim, blue light to illuminate the area around them as she looked at her old companion with a sense of disbelief despite not being surprised at her current state of affairs. After all, she had seen many people deteriorate into nothing in the camps Shadow Fall had for their victims. Yet, even at this moment, those hellish memories bothered her, and it caused the woman to grip her fist as she knew she had to do something to keep Hime from turning into the ghouls those people from her past did.

"Hime, it's me, Saiko. Do you still remember me? What happened...?"

With her gentle voice calling out, she waited for a response and remained silent.

Before her hand could carry out its intended purpose, her fingers paused. A familiar voice called out to her. There was visible confusion in those scarred eyelids. Her eyes, once charming and graceful, lacked any warmth. There was nothing but uncertainty. Did her mind seek to play a game at her expense? Fate was not so kind as to bless her with the voice of someone she admired. Her mind thought it an illusion until the woman finally approached, hues of blue light illuminating the dark prison cell. Ah, so it truly was real. She wasn't losing her mind entirely.

Of course, the once-graceful woman's spirit could not welcome her presence with the same joy as it did before. She remembered her. Hime vividly remembered their conversation, how they promised to help the other prove they could be redeemed in the eyes of others. The principle difference was... Saiko had proven herself, and Hime had not. Murasaki was not wrong in that assertion. She was a wonderful woman who overcame the tragedy in her life, and by now, Hime had no idea who she was, really. She once thought herself someone who was striving towards being an example of overcoming her own past. Yet here she was, confined to a prison. Blood-stained emerald eyes gazed toward Saiko. This was not the reunion she imagined. It should have been different....

"I... failed."

That was all that fell from her lips. What else would she say? In her eyes, this was an utter failure. She should've been happy to be visited by someone, but all she felt was crippling shame. A shame so crippling that it was difficult to form words.

Saiko's power wanted to devour the despair from Hime as she could feel the defeat, failure, and general dismay overflowing from her body. But, thanks to that restraint she has trained herself to have, she wouldn't force it just yet. No. She wanted to hear the words from Hime's mouth about what led up to this occurrence so she could discern the truth from lies.

"I'm here for you, but I will need you to be honest: how did this all happen?"

What else could she say at this point? There were a million things Saiko wanted to do, but there was only so much one could do when behind bars. So, after glancing at the guards behind her, she also posed a question to them.

"And, if she consents, do I have permission to use my Zanpukto's power to ease some of her depression? She is in pain mentally, and my power wants to help her, even if it's only temporary...."


The guards who escorted Saiko talked among themselves for a few moments, deciding what to do before giving a slow affirming nod.

"You are allotted that much. She doesn't deserve it, but you may do as you wish so long as you do not release her from her ceil."

With a nod, Saiko accepted the conditions and turned back to Hime before asking a second question.

"...I don't like seeing you in that state. Do you want me to at least ease some of your pain...? I can try to eat away at some of that grief at least as you look terrible, but I don't want to force it on you...."

In the truest sense, Hime was terribly mortified. Saiko's presence should have been a blessing, a gift granted to her in her darkest hour. Yet, the once-graceful woman struggled to embrace this with any degree of joy. Each gaze into those illuminating orbs made it increasingly difficult to form a sentence. For a moment, her eyes traveled toward the ground as she listened to Saiko ask the guards if she could assist her by utilizing her Zanpakuto, applying an ability that would seemingly ease her spirits. She struggled with an answer. There was no visible sign she desired to offer her consent, for as far as she was concerned, the guards were correct. She did not deserve any act of kindness.

A genuine belief had manifested in her soul, a conclusion made within the span of a month. Confined to nothing but a cell, she concluded that there was nothing left to give, nothing to prove she belong amongst the others in the eyes of those who effectively controlled her destiny. What made matters worse is that there was a discernible shift in her memory.

The memories of her past beyond those halcyon days spent with her sister were akin to a indiscernible whirlwind, a sea of bewilderment. Her memories of who she served under were cloudy. There was a reason for her imprisonment. She was far from innocent. When Saiko returned to the cell, Hime struggled to compose herself. She rose up to posture herself in front of the woman, sitting properly so they were face to face.

"I... was sent back to prison. Murasaki summoned me to her office to speak with me on my involvement with Abalia, and the position the woman had chosen for me when she released me from prison. She was not comfortable with the idea of a prisoner roaming free who hadn't, in her words, did much to earn their freedom. To some extent, I expected that to be addressed. However, as the conversation went on, it seemed as though I slowly whittled away at a compelling case as to why I deserved to remain free. She offered me the opportunity to voice my intent, voice my desires for the future. At the most crucial moment, I... I... simply erred. I struggled to give her anything worthwhile. If anything, I made a fool of myself and asked her if there was anything for me to do, instead of asserting my will on the conversation."

An incredulous peal of laughter danced from her lips, as if to humor herself with how foolish it was, to willingly return here. On that day, she had resolved to find a way back towards the light. Yet, a single month is all that it took to shatter her spirit. Foolish. So humorously foolish. However, that laughter slowly descended into something else entirely. Tears fell from her blood-stained eyes as her head leaned against the bars.

"Gazing at you right now, I only feel all the more ashamed of myself. Murasaki spoke highly of you at the end of our conversation. It opened my eyes to how much of a failure I was in retrospect. I don't deserve what you offer. It would be wasted on me. The guards are right."

So that's why she was sent down here, a lack of purpose. The apathy and decay of herself are what brought Hime into this position. A great sense of failure overwashed the woman's body, and she knew why she was there.

Yet, to The Mistress of Glum, this wasn't the end. Punishment was needed to atone for the sins of her life, but even in the darkest hour, there was still a chance for some redemption. Maybe it was her need to want that belief to comfort her as Saiko herself went through great hell to get to this position, but some hope was needed here, and the hybrid wanted to bring it to her, even if it was stupid, selfish, or unwanted.

"I can't take away that failure for you, Hime. You have to want to come back from that failure yourself."

Sitting down, Saiko continued to gaze at her withered friend, thinking of the right words to speak that may perhaps give her some guidance or thought of a better future. She was silent before just deciding to speak from the heart.

"I've done ugly things myself. Some people dislike me for my demonic blood. The betrayal will never leave my soul, even if I was forced into that position. My cowardice stopped me from being the person I was supposed to be. I won't let that happen again. It's an insult to the people I have killed, the lives I've ruined, and the sin I've spit on this world."

Now moving her hand upwards, a claw formed as her demonic half hissed out at Hime.

"Every day, I have to look at this ugliness inside myself, and it would be so much easier to let go, not care and become a monster or let grief turn me into a state of complete apathy just to wither away and die."

Shaking her right hand, Saiko moved her hand through the cage, retracted her claws, and tried to touch Hime's hand if allowed.

"But...that's the coward's way out. From what we spoke of, neither of us want to take the easy way out. Perhaps you do live in shame. Maybe you are the scum of the earth; so what? If you have the honest intention to change yourself, then do it. It will not be easy, no one will thank you for it, and perhaps you will never remove that stain from your soul. You will live with it, but you will be able to sleep at night knowing you at least tried to fight against it."

Nodding her head, Saiko let the silence ring out for a moment before her heart started to feel its will arise, and a blue flame ignited in her right eye as she looked more intently at Hime.

"If you can promise me you will try, if you are willing to give your life for it, I will do what I can to help you out of this. I want you to believe in yourself as if you don't; there is no reason for Murasaki or anyone else to believe either..."

If her hand were still allowed to touch Hime, she'd grip it more firmly and leave on this final note:

"No matter what, I will continue visiting as often as possible. If I couldn't at least provide you company, I'd fail myself."

Initially, each word seemed to fall on deaf ears as the withered countenance of the woman lay against those bars. The once-graceful woman seemed to view the words as meaningless at first - or rather, that is what her expression illustrated. From an internal perspective, Hime truly wanted to believe that her words were correct, to find some sense of purpose beyond this prison cell. Saiko exposed her innermost truths, from the demonic half she was cursed with to the emotions she struggled with every day of her existence, and for the first time, Hime absorbed each word, though her countenance may have told otherwise.

It reminded her of her belief in the woman, yet it also reminded her of what Murasaki said, how she paled in comparison. She struggled with herself, struggled to speak, to form the slightest phrase in reply. Of course, no act would move her more than to feel Saiko's hand touch her own through those prison bars. Her eyes which once seemed so empty - roared to life, emerald hues gazing at Saiko in response. The resonation of each word was beginning to break through.

To be reminded of the promise they spoke of long ago, to know that someone truly wanted her to rise from this - it reminded her of the faith others once held in her. In that burning blue eye, Hime felt acknowledged. Words held meaning, a door seemed to open, and a woman she once viewed as unreachable told her... that if she were to wager her life for it, she would support her, committing everything in her power to bring her out of this hellscape. In return, Hime needed to do only one thing.

Believe.

Tears flowed freely down the woman's cheeks, her grip tightening around Saiko's hand. Turning to face her directly, behind those steel bars, Hime held Saiko's hand within her own. For the first time, she chose to shoulder this weight, her spirit momentarily experiencing something other than the bitter taste of defeat. She felt an unrivaled sense of hope.

No, more than hope, she felt as if she was more than a prisoner, a murderer, someone to be cast aside; she felt as if she was worth saving. Knowing that she would visit her had assured her of her worth, and affirmed that someone still desired to see her thrive in this unrelenting world. She still mattered to someone. To a woman who struggled with the notion, it was almost dreamlike to hold her hand and be treated with such genuine compassion. Her tears flowed unendingly, her eyes gazed at the woman with a thankful gleam in her eyes. As she squeezed that hand, a smile finally formed across the woman's lips. It was a rather haggard expression, considering the blood that stained her eyes and cheeks, but that mattered little to her. What mattered to her at this moment is the emotion she felt. A beacon of hope...

"I Promise..."

It was difficult for her to speak. She was practically exhausted from stress alone, but those two words alone radiated her intent to such a degree that Saiko would never dare to mistake it as insincere. After all, the graceful woman had been acknowledged in the eyes of one of the people she admired. There was no greater fulfillment than that.

There was a resolve of strength growing in the body of Hime. Saiko could see it by the way the light was returning to the eye of the woman. In this way, the investment of emotion, sentiment, and care from another person can inspire others to do great things. To be able to reach her, even in this miserable situation, meant the world to The Mistress Of Glum. Even while imprisoned, there is still potential and hope for the future if one is willing to see that capacity in themselves. And by Hime's will, she would see a brighter tomorrow if the will of the half-breed had anything to say about it.

Saiko was proud of her friend for having the courage to reach her in such a vulnerable state, so she wiped away the woman's tears as a gentle smile crossed her lips. Hearing Hime speak of keeping her promise eased the gaze of the hybrid as she felt sincere happiness at this moment. It mattered not if the guards around them knew not what to make of this circumstance; their mutterings became nothing but distant static as Saiko continued to hold the hand of Hime gingerly. Finally, when enough silence had passed, she acknowledged her will with a resolve of her own.

"And with that promise, I will give you my heart to help you out of this. You have my word."

With all the love and care in the world felt in her voice, Saiko giggled softly before leaning her head against the cold bars of the cel. Then, as time passed, her eyes began to close, and she just spoke aloud:

"I will stay with you for the night and not leave until the morning. So you are not alone, and I will ensure you never feel that way again."

And with that, the guards grunted and eventually gave up on the two. If nothing else, one of the guards would stand watch over the mistress of glum to make sure nothing would happen. While in an observation room, the guards made sure to record everything if anything foul came about of this decision.

But none of those details mattered. All that mattered to Saiko was that she was there for her friend and could save her. That's the only thing that mattered.