Real Mommy Hours [Helle, Ninsianna]

Well, for starters, Ninsianna would find no one coming to answer the door anytime soon. It has nothing to do with her being the one knocking, but all that has come by has found themselves left on read. It became such a frequent occurrence that the mail deleted the address from their system. All information that needed to reach Helle was simply sent to her office, personal or not. Fortunately, Ninsianna would not find herself stuck for too long.

As if brought into existence by the necessity of the situation, Ninsianna may feel the nearing sensation of Reishi moving about, the figure of the leading Sternritter dropping from the sky like a wondrous angel. However, one would find the blonde Quincy’s looks far from majestic. Her hair a mess, bags under her eyes, and a back hunched like the Notre Dame, Helle seemed to be falling apart at the seams. With a loud yawn, the woman turned to walk down the small path that led to her home, nearing and moving past Ninsianna to enter her home, shutting the door behind her.

It took a few seconds, but that door would soon open again as Helle stuck her head out, blinking hard at the sight of Cyrus’ secretary.

“Miss Kishar? You look different. W-What brings you -yawn- here?”

Helle couldn’t even get her words out without her body reminding her about her need to sleep. How long has it been? A couple of hours? Days? Weeks? Has she even slept this month? She doesn’t know. The only time she closed her eyes were to blink or if her body had just given up on her and left her blacked out at her desk. Though, despite her worsening state of being, she gave the other woman a polite smile and opened her door further.

“I’ve read a few letters regarding my health,” Helle mused as she made her way over to her couch and fell upon it unceremoniously. There have been far too many confrontations, people all around worried about her. Ninsianna is but another cog in the complicated wheel. It’s obvious that Helle isn’t even paying those claims any mind as she looks around her own place.

It’s clean, unorthodoxly so, as if someone had cleaned it up while Helle was away. That is the case, but Helle does not know where that woman has run off to. There may be a letter somewhere around here about that, but the blonde is far too out of it to go looking. Besides, she has a guest, a woman she has not seen for a while.

In fact, with another glance at the Danava, Helle could make some significant changes. Has the woman deaged? She looks fairer, more energized. There’s a missing sophistication, but there’s more… spunk. Huh…

“Nice glow up,” She muttered. Helle’s too tired to think about what’s right to say, and her recent happenings upon youthful terms has brought forth a loose tongue that couldn’t help but spout the first thing that came to its owner’s mind.

She didn’t bother commenting on any of the health related stuff. It is what it is to Helle, honestly. She’s home now, isn’t she? After all the bickering and annoyances, she finally gave in and came home to rest. For how long? That’s up for debate, but Helle knows she wasn’t planning on sticking around here for too long. There’s still work for her to do. She has to support him. Though, Ninsianna brought him up, and it was the way she asked that caused Helle to flinch.

“...H-He…”

She didn’t even bother answering. Even if she lied, her face told it all. Her emerald eyes fell to her lap, the wet plains threatening to floor the quivering dainty digits that folded and caressed the lithe cloth wrapping around the Quincy’s waist. With a deep sigh, Helle gave up and fell over onto her side, turning her whole body away from the other woman, an attempt to hide her depression.

“It’s easy, Ninsianna. It’s easy to work and work and work and not have to think about it all. I’ve always been a hard worker, always been the one looking for praise, but, lately, I’ve just been working and working and working and losing my mind because no one’s around who seems like they care. Everyone spouts this and that, do that or this… They don’t understand what it’s like to have so much on your shoulders. All I wanted was for him to come… My Azmi… All I wanted was for someone who understood to step into my office and not ask if I was okay. Someone who’s supposed to know if I’m okay or not. Someone who’d whisk me away from my work, whether I fought, cried, or begged… NO… Ninsianna… I have not seen Cyrus in a while.”

“...”

What did she say? Deserve better? Helle froze, unsure how to process this. One side of her felt instant anger at the idea that something better exists. The other side knew that Ninsianna’s words are true in a sense, but Helle had always imagined that Cyrus would eventually change his ways and become something better, for the both of them. She still remembers all the times she told the man to stop worrying about his desire for power and learn to understand his position as the Grandmaster. Time and time again she tried, and time and time again, he ignored her. He ignored her until it left him nothing but a shell of himself, and, even then, she stayed at his side, hoping that he would learn.

“Struggle is just a part of being in a relationship, yes? We have both struggled, him and I, but I know his struggles had nothing to do with me, not like how it pained me to stand by his side. The very existence of Mazda is but proof that I was just another insignificant gnat when it mattered.”

Her fists clenched as she shifted and sat up, her eyes holding a passionate anger within. She stared down Ninsianna, the Reishi in the air popping. Though, it was an event that lasted seconds before Helle lost steam and resigned to falling back down onto the couch, all the superior air about her gone. Now, she just looks tired again.

“I wonder where we would be if not for Arcadia seducing that foolish man.”

“I do not cry because he wishes to protect the world. Was it not that ideal that brought us together, that brought me here?”

She’s lying to herself. She’s just trying to make excuses, becoming hypocritical in an attempt to save the honor of her man. It was disrespectful of her, but Helle didn’t want this. She doesn’t want to have to think about Cyrus as someone who would never look at her in a meaningful manner. There she goes again, her thoughts running different from her mouth, but her realization of this didn’t stop her from batting Ninsianna’s hand away from her person. Though, as she did so, her hand then moved to wrap around the other’s wrist, holding the woman there for no apparent reason.

“I know he… We… I…”

Her words are stuck, lost and never to be found. Why is this hard? Why is it hard to just accept that she must come second to the world? When this is all over, when the world is saved, she knows they will then rest together, a true fairytale ending. Though, the longer she kept that picture in her head, the more it started to crack, splintering until it shattered. She can feel Mazda, feel his power inside of her, feel him destroying everything for his own selfish desires.

But… but… but… Doesn’t that thing exist just to grant Cyrus his desires?

“W-What am I supposed to do, Ninsianna?”

Her voice broke, a rare occurrence for the Savant of the Vandenreich. In her tired state, Helle just couldn’t. She couldn’t keep the facade of being strong up. She is but a poor little girl who was granted the power to change the world. Eventually, she would realize how small she still is in this big world. She has experienced heart pain before, so why does this pain her chest to an unfathomable degree? Her hands clasped around Ninsianna’s hand, her eyes pleading as she squeezed tenderly and allowed herself to be what she has always claimed to be: a feeble woman.