wanderer & wolf [Sol/Lilynette]

When she spoke, he listened. It was something that he couldn’t help to do as they stood in the streets of a place he didn’t care to remember. As she spoke it was hard for him to explain how he felt as a rush of emotions struck him. Like a swelling of a wound which had recently been struck, he felt some response bubbling in his throat. But try as he might he simply couldn’t speak as he listened to her.

Stormy irises stared at her growing steadily wider, chills running through his body. Like some part of him was telling him to be prepared for a fight, unable to let go the tension which seemed to have buried itself into his bones. However, before he could truly process what she said he was moving as was she. Going at speeds to a place he wasn’t fully sure off, it was a bit jarring to be quite honest. When she released him he stumbled backwards a bit, staring at her as she said a single phrase.

‘You’re lonely.’

How right she was.

He couldn’t look at her as his gaze tore away from her, looking to the ground and away. As if he was…ashamed. His shoulders sagging for a moment as for a moment the young man looked far older than what he was. Solhammond Palliser was tired. So very extremely tired. He had thought he has escaped his rainy dog days, he had traveled a realm way to remove those feelings. But like a nasty infection which never quite healed, it had returned. On display for someone who he didn’t want to know, looking weaker than he cared to be.

His head turned to look at her, his features contorted to display what should be strength but was merely the crumbling facade of a man worn down. At some point in his life, far before he met Chidori, Sol felt his world turn a stark grey. And for brief moments, moments which he treasured, it retained color.

“I… don’t know what to say.” He’d admit, a subtle breeze of the air brushing against his skin. His hair caught so much. “You’re right. For the most part. I’m not-” His voice cuts off, shaking his head. A hand coming to his chest, as if to gesture to himself.

“I’m not the man, the person, anyone can rely on. How could they? No one deserves a friend, or a lover, who can’t provide for them. Who can’t protect them. Who has nothing to offer. Who only ever takes, and takes.” He’d admit painfully, as he finally peeled back the facade he kept up. Although he didn’t say it, he illustrated what he truly viewed himself as: a burden.

Solhammond was one of the most ambitious men to have taken up the task of being a shinigami, but that ambition came from a place of insecurity. He would push himself harder and harder, striving for an impossible standard. In his eyes he would simply never be good enough.

“God, it sounds so…so… pathetic.”

He didn’t have the fight in him. That last word leaving his mouth in a deflated fashion, as if he had truly reached the limit to his depth.

She said… a lot.

She did that. A lot.

For a moment silence hung in the air, before he finally just lifted a hand up. With an almost strange movement he’d place it on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

“You talk a lot.”

The words left mouth with a heavy sigh, as he digested everything the woman said. He didn’t need to address that now, nor did he really… care to. Instead he found a brief moment of clarity in everything she said. It wasn’t going to change him overnight, nor was it just going to fix him. But it was something he was glad to hear, something that felt far better than anything he had told to himself recently.

“I see what you’re saying. But I don’t have all the time in the world. Sooner or later, I’m gonna kick the bucket. Again. Might be completely by accident. But you’re right, I can’t go ‘round chasing something that I might never find.” He’d nod his voice hardening for a moment, his eyes losing the cloudiness which they had moment’s ago. The slow and steady revival of the inner fire that he had coming to life once more rather than the imitation of it. A level of confidence and stalwartness that felt genuine.

“I got something in front of me. A little shit with a cocky, smug, grin. To tell the truth, most other people ain’t worth shit. And you ain’t perfect. But I would rather be here, than anyone else.” What was he trying to get at? He wasn’t sure. But he gave a light squeeze to Arrancar's shoulder, shaking it very lightly as if reaffirming it. What was he going to do? Well he supposed he should probably do something stupid, and worry about the consequences after.

“Damn. I want you, bad.”

He took a step forward looking down at her, the arm on her shoulder sliding down her arm. C’mon, Sol, do it pussy.

He seemed about a half-second away from making a choice that was probably going to be physically painful.

His theory was right in what his words would lead to, but this was where he made a choice. As she moved his hand to her backside, there was a visible hitch to his breath for a moment. Every fiber of his being wanted him to go along with this, because he knew he wanted it. It would be easy, all too easy, to give into those wants. And it was here that his most human quality shined, if a bit dulled in the moment.

His eyes closed briefly as a chuckle left his lips, an almost amused laugh which spoke of irony. The hand on her back would remain, for a moment. He contrasted against her libertine approach to this, his free hand came to her cheek. The callous fingers of a lifetime of work came to rub against her chin, as he stared down at her. And yeah, it was in his eyes. That human emotion. The want.

“I want you. But that doesn’t mean I can have you, Lilynette. Not like this.” He’d admit as he leaned down for a moment, as if stuck between half wanting to press his lips against her or just whisper. “One of these days, I’ll be yours. That ain’t today.” He’d finally say as he began to unwrap himself from her, knowing full well what he was giving up. Try as he might, he was a human. And that came with certain things.

He turned his back to her as he walked a bit, stretching his arms in the air with a loud yawn.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll do that courtship thing with you in the future. Maybe you’ll even want me to. But for now, can we just get some food and kick back?”