Smaller Than Expected [Liltotto/Helle]

The words that her superior spoke made her feel oddly heavy for a moment. In knowing that she was such an incredibly inhumane thing, living as a human, the silent crisis she felt anytime that separation was made apparent, before quickly being shelved away and slotted elsewhere for later acknowledgement,

"I suppose so, ma'am," Was the only thing she'd say in response, a slight strain to her voice as she swallowed that lump in her throat.

After some time, her feet were finally on the ground once more, hardly a stumble in her step as she readjusted to gravity. Following the taller woman inside, she was sitting down across from her, staring at the menu as Helle offered she pick something first,

"..I'll just go with water. I'm not hungry," An absolute lie as she felt those familiar gnaws of constant, unattended to hunger, "..You ever feel afraid of falling when you're so high up?"

A rather simple and clear answer, Liltotto nodded in understanding of the thought. Half the battle of living and surviving was merely having the will to persist - being compelled to continue and fight against anything that may extinguish that ability was the basis for any living creature's life. Though with that will to live came fear, two factors who worked hand and hand in the survival of all that lived. To not feel fear was a worrisome state, but to be controlled by fear alone would stifle one's will.

"Something... I'm afraid of?" She'd speak with a gentle hmm; both an easy and a hard question for someone such as her, wondering what to disclose and how. There were many things she feared, of course; she'd be stupid not to be,

"Loss, I guess. Of people, of country, of home, of humanity," There was a distant look to her gaze as she spoke softly, "I've had many times where I would have to face and overcome that fear, though it was more through accepting and working through circumstances than trying to change it. Maybe, I feel there's futility either way, and maybe I was a little selfish, wanting to preserve myself."

Liltotto's gaze would float downwards with Helle's response. Clearly the little lady had a lot on her mind in reaction to that, of which she would oblige the taller blonde,

"And what do you do if you lose everything?" Her gaze did not lift, her tone was calm yet quiet, "You sacrifice and sacrifice, but it still falls apart. Can you truly be called the victor if there's nothing left when the fight is over?"

It dredged up a memory. She was searching for someone in a long destroyed battlefield. Everything was lost. Nobody was left. The gravity of the situation did not set in until she realized the presence of this person was scattered and diminished. Not even her face was preserved.

That bout, of sickening grief, the feeling that everything had slipped from her grasp, and she was the only one to witness the barren state.

"What do you feel you should do, if nothing is left? You struggled, you fought, but in the end, you lose it all? How do you think you should continue?"

"Water please."

The look in the woman's eyes was softly somber and thinking. The two conclusions she had reached after losing everything was either to make those who did unto her such unjust suffering pay, or fade away, survive, and live a life of learning and normalcy. She always had that longing desire to be human, deep within her, far away from her conscious mind, and such a state of thought led her to those options, one of two beasts to feed; One of anger and revenge, and one of survival and the learning such continuance would bring.

Would they be happy? Was not a thought that had crossed her mind during this continued existence. She shunned wondering what ifs such as that - they were dead. Dead, and she would never see them again. She figured any wonderings about if even a fraction of the people she held dear survived, lived alongside her, built something new, would just bring more pain to her heart. Such a thing was merely a fantasy...

But, she figured Helle didn't mean simply indulging in mere fantasy. It did make her think, Would they look upon me, and believe i'm doing well? Would they think i'm happy?

She recalled her reencounter with Giselle, each time she ran across her it was like she saw a ghost, a ghost she instinctively wished to distance herself from, as she distanced herself from all. Roughly a century alone, and even so she distanced herself from those here... It felt wrong.

No. Her thoughts answered the question sadly, No, they would not.

"Is it truly foolish to want to protect what you hold dear?" She'd finally speak up, "At the heart of all who wish to possess power, is a desire for control over one's circumstances. Most are noble, half of that nobility is misguided and uneducated, and a small slice of that is truly malicious. I am to believe you are of the noble sort."

Liltotto didn't pay the waitress much mind as the two spoke, seeming unbothered by Helle's own response as she stated her own beliefs,

"I'm not noble either," Liltotto stated simply, "Never have I woken up in the morning with the thought in my mind that what I am or what i've done is noble or good. I would be a hypocrite if I did not find fault in my own inaction. I led a life of normalcy and hiding despite the potential I held. I lost everything, and in my more selfish thoughts I had figured perhaps it was for the better that I didn't gain anything more to lose."

A look of regret and sadness was within those bored eyes, ".. But learning the Quincy had survived, that they were being led better now... I suppose I couldn't stay away for long. I wished to do more for them now than I had before, but there is that lingering feeling of falling short."