A Foolish Dream Of Dying Embers [Calypso/SOLO]

Collab w/ Wan. Thank you so much!

She couldn’t remember when she fell asleep. The night had stretched long, the desire to remain awake waned, until finally her eyes had shut, having rejected her mother’s wish to stay by her in slumber to comfort her, instead fleeing into the woods.

In truth, she didn’t believe she deserved it, not now. She wasn’t sure when she would feel she would be worth her mother’s boundless love, as she no longer could feel it - no longer were they able to scream over the cacophony of sheer feeling that had emerged within her. Was that the only reason she clung so tightly to her mother? A distraction? A starving creature? Like some selfish parasite? She just felt like she needed to be alone...

With those foolish thoughts, she fell, and fell, and fell into the depths of her own mind, until she emerged once again, walking a path, her hand held to that of a familiar form, one whose skin were bursting with white flowers poking out of her flesh, ones that whispered things that made the shorter of the two ill. She felt visceral fear towards those flowers, she hated them, she wanted to tear them out and rid herself.

“Where are we going?” The distorted black mouth of her being moved disjointedly, hardly matching her words as those dark pits stared hollowly at the being who’s hand she held. The woman did not respond to the child, causing her pulsating face to curve down into a frown.

Silently, they would walk, up and up the mountainside. The valley below them was nothing but mist that led into a void, above them the sky led to nowhere. All that was clear was the path ahead. It wasn’t until the younger of the two looked to a figure who hung idly by the rockface, a familiar red head torn apart by the elements, her discarded body left in vaguely held together pieces, pinned to the stones.

“It’s my fault she’s dead,” She would start, “I can’t help anyone. I’m never good at it. All I ever do is let people die or lose their minds. I’m useless.”

The older of the two didn’t even acknowledge her words, speckles of snow beginning to come down as the two walked in silence. More and more bodies of that familiar figure would appear, all dead in all sorts of horrid ways, strewn apart and painting the snow red as they went along, until the entire mountainside was abloom with crimson ice and discarded bodies of that same woman.

“I could’ve done more. I could’ve helped her. I could’ve pushed a little harder.”

The elder of the two did not respond.

“I’m just a filthy Asthavon, right? Isn’t this what they do? They just ruin everything? And what have I done to set myself apart? I’m nothing but another monster, right? Might as well just lie down and die.”

The pleading face of the figment would look up, as if awaiting her thoughts to be validated, however no such validation occurred.

“Right?”

Again, no response, only that grating whispering. Anger boiled within her.

“Are you even listening to me?! We’ve become exactly what we were afraid of, right?! We’re just like Mama! Just like her! Nobody cares how well we do, we’ll never be like them! We’ll never be welcome! We’ll-”

The elder’s hand would retract from their grasp, and be used to smack the smaller of the two across the face, a stern expression peering down at her.

“Gods above, shut your damn self-pitying mouth for five seconds,” She was so irritated, hearing the piss talk night after night, tethered to this voice that was her own, “I’m trying to have a reflective walk, not a pity party.”

“..Why did you slap me..?” The younger one’s voice was strained and whimpering.

“Because you can’t shut up! You quite literally can’t, can you? It’s always ‘Ulv this’ ‘Algos that’ ‘I’m terrible this’ ‘I’m horrible that’. Do you EVER get tired of doing that?”

“..But it’s true-”

“Gods, no. You’re so annoying,” She’d hiss, “I can’t have a single peaceful night without your gods-damned antics here. Yes, we could have done more, but it’s already done. We can’t just bring her back to life. She’s dead, she’s gone, even if we miss her dearly and wish we could have done differently. You can’t sit there and act like we didn’t try..-”

Forest. A forest had taken their surroundings.

“..Where are we..?” The younger one would squeak, almost afraid. The older didn’t flinch, “...This place?”

Why here? Why was she back here?

She heard speaking in the distance, the older walking towards it as the younger silently pulled back, but hadn’t the strength to stop her, mumbling rejections, begging for her to stop, to turn back, that she didn’t want to see…

...Her.

It was that time, that time she had met the woman, so long ago…
Back when she was young and had hardly much to her name. The Ulv she dreamed of, in turn, was lesser as well. Not quite so overwhelmingly present in far more than the space she took up. Even her eyes looked strange, with their standard auburn rather than that soul-piercing gold and black.

“.. I don’t think I realized how much that gift saved me. I would have been a shivering child for gods knows how long if you hadn’t found me...”

Her gaze lowered, “..I didn’t like what you chose to do. I felt betrayed. I couldn’t understand, it was like you skipped right over me. But now…”

Her eyes watered, her tears turning into intricate snowflakes as they dripped down her face, ignoring the pleading and begging of the being clung fast to her hip,

“..I wish I could apologize, and talk to you again. Even once, even if I can only do it once more, just.. Please.”

“The only thing to apologise for is dreaming of me here. I mean, come on, it’s been years. We had a lot of great times. Like that one in my Manor. But noooo, dream of the most boring meeting.”

It was certainly more… Directed and conversational than dreams tended to be. Raising questions aplenty as Dream Ulv looked down and spun on her heel a little.

“I mean, come on. Didn’t even have a good fashion sense back then. Now. Whatever.” Ulv would then tremble a little and change her clothes, into a revealing amber dress. Flame-motiffed and stylish to the extreme, it was definitely the kind of dress that would be found in the manor’s wardrobe.

The older one’s sense of mourning was quiet and tearful, until she heard the voice of her departed friend, complaining about the dream - an oddly perceptive comment of something her mind created. Though she didn’t dwell on that thought for very long, instead trudging through the snow, feeling the weight of her smaller self dragging her down, yet she still moved over to her, feeling that being’s nails in her as fussing and ‘no’s were abundant.

“..Well, it isn’t exactly easy to control what my mind drags up from the lot of memories I have,” She’d stare at the figment with wistful eyes, her voice gentle as the flowers that sprung from her flesh giggled and whispered amongst each other, “I’m sure something will bring to mind a time you were more brilliant as opposed to nostalgic.”

And with a mere blink of the eye, the two of them were in a different place, patches of snow still present, but it was clear where they were, the manor, except it perhaps looked a lot larger and winding versus it’s true self.

“Just like that, out of the snow. Mostly...”

“It’s as easy to control as my hands. You just get in your own way” Ulv commented, reaching out to pluck the tiny child off her larger counterpart, the little one’s disorientating face was aghast as she was pulled off, flailing limbs and childish wails accompanying it. The older watched as she struggled helplessly, crying like a lost child. She felt no pity for her as she reached out constantly to her older self - she knew what she was capable of when she was allowed to overwhelm.

[color=#FF8316]“You’ve always got in your own way, from our very first meeting, to our very last meeting. I was fully expecting you to hit it up with Henrex and have the world’s most awkward romance as you both got in each other’s way”

The Dream, if it could even be called that now, would see the manor grow around her, and crack a grin. It was nice to be home. So she’d turn and - with a blast of metaphorical fire for the snow around them - go put the kettle on. Even Death did not stop the desire for tea.

“You’ve got all this guilt for something hardly even your fault. You do know I was going to die regardless, right? Never got around to actually telling you because you always had something going on that I didn’t want to add to. Also I didn’t tell anyone until Demonica blundered into my life. Kind of like me if I worried less. That was a hell of a woman. Samhain, I should have banged her when I had the chance” Ulv’s crass nature was a better showcase of her independence than anything. Lil Cali could hardly invent a being like this.

“Speaking of banging people when I have the chance~” was the next sentence, turning to eye Calypso with a broad grin. She met her friend’s grin with a soft one of her own, disregarding the sexual comment for more important matters.

“.. You aren’t wrong. I should know this already. Yet…” Her gaze drew to the smaller of the two, fussing about fairness and how much she hated this, how it wasn’t true, “..It crawls back up to haunt me. Perhaps I haven’t fully forgiven myself for what occurred.”

She had a studying gaze as the flowers too seemed to be wondering and waving about, reflecting her thoughts. This manifestation of her friend knew far more than she did about Ulv, which only added to her wondering if this was merely some strange mental conjuring, or something more.

“Even so, the fact you didn’t tell me hurt me deeply,” She’d go on, walking over to and pressing her hands to the smaller wailing creature’s face, clutching her cheeks with strong hands, staring her directly in those dark pits for eyes, her eyes filled with incredible intensity, “Be quiet. The adults are talking, unless you want me to start plucking your hair out for every miserable sob you spout?”

That quieted her down for the moment, a rather putridly angry expression on such an otherwise innocent looking creature. Her gaze returned to the blazingly dressed manifest, her eyes appearing much paler than previous,

“It was going to hurt me regardless of if you told me or not, if I was to be completely honest. But at the same time, it felt like I was being walked over. I’ve already felt plenty of abandonment in my life, from my own family even. It felt like I was being left behind once again, as childish as that sounds.”

Her eyes would narrow as she would stare at her, “..Though you would know that, wouldn’t you? I haven’t a clue what exactly you are, but I know you aren’t simply a dream. You’re far more competent and autonomous than my other horrific visions. What is your intent here?”

“The trick here is that you think there is something to forgive. So you’ll never forgive yourself” Ulv replied, cooing the little baby Calypso, who only appeared disgustingly sour in her threatened silence. It reminded her of her children, now with just a single mother. And one who disdained the mother she had. Though, Abalia….heh, Ulv’s feelings about Abalia were strange these days.

“..Hmm..?” The older of the two would muse, “There isn’t such a thing? Sorry, at times it’s difficult to tell where my thoughts start and where their’s ends. Maybe it was me keeping hold of their woes...”

The distorted face of the younger one held by Ulv remained rather grossly furious as she prattled on about her uncontrolled emotions, and of course the older one’s lamenting. She glared between the both of them, silently, as if trying to figure how to regain control of the situation, but ultimately failing as the conversation went on.

“Everything hurts you. Sonny calling you a Crybaby was not exactly untrue. You are too...out of control with your emotions. Again, like Henrex, only less whiny. While a steely and uncompromising grasp is not healthy for you - first-hand experience there, however needed it was - having no control over them is just as bad.

What were you going to do when I said ‘I am dying and there is nothing anyone can do about it’? You’d have worried, you have ignored your own problems and been around me. And none of that would help. I didn’t tell anyone, because nobody can do anything about it and they would just fret.

It was, much like a few of my mistakes, Demonica who got me out of that one. She told me that even people who can’t do anything should know because they can plan for it. Of course, then I didn’t tell you again because you had the whole meeting Mana, and being around Algos, and having to deal with Vanyel things. I didn’t want to push you over the edge and have you fully break down. I was the Flame Of Hope, the icon of bright passion and progress. It is literal anathema to me to make people worry.” she’d shake her head a little and stare at the ceiling. Life after death was what she was avoiding, but here she was anyway. Can’t outrun fate.

And then she’d flick back to bigger Calypso with a coy smirk.
“Come on, little Kitten. You are the Danava of Dreams and Nightmares. You met Ignis Morpheus in the realm beyond realms. Can you really not guess what happened when you dreamed up a woman of such overwhelming willpower she has now died three times?”

“You do have a point. It would have been a mess either way,” The older would sigh, a set of chairs creeping forward for them to sit, her seamlessly dropping into the seat, hand on her chin, “I have contemplated these things, but I was far too focused on what I wanted, on what I wished things to be.”

“I wished I could fix my mother, but reality said otherwise. I wished I could love my sister, but reality said otherwise. I wished that I could heal you, but reality said otherwise. I wished I could have saved those people, but reality said otherwise. I wished that I could have salvaged Pseu’s self, but reality said otherwise. I wished that I could be seen better in the eyes of the world, but reality said otherwise. I am noticing a running trend here, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, we’re nothing but a useless-” The smaller one would peep,

“Shhhhhhh,” The older of the two would cut in, “Remember the hair~?”

Once again, that sour expression. She’d exhale peacefully, her eyes closing, “An awful lot of wishing, very little learning and doing. My life has been governed by impulse and wishful thinking, in the end.”

Hair. Heh, that reminded her. Two deaths ago, and before Arianda and subsequent Caanan, there was hair. Flicking her head, Ulv’s short red crop turned into long ass-length hair, vibrantly pink and shining in the light from the immaculate care that went into it. The older Calypso’s eyebrows rose slightly, but she didn’t speak a word.

“You wished you could fix your mother. Therein lies the first problem. There is nothing to fix, she is the Danava Of Chaos, and as such will always be. As I am Ulv, the Flame Of Hope. Burning forever with passion and fury that drives me to insanity none can understand, because my goal is to ensure nobody will ever understand. Understanding means you have been through what drives me, and I wish that on nobody. Nobody can fix me, I am who I am, and nobody can fix Mana, she is who she is.

I met her, you know? Went to see her a few days before I died in Shangra-La. She seemed… Old. Like she had gone through the growing period of being the Danava of Chaos, lost herself to it, been driven by it, and now is it. Mana will always be chaotic and often antagonistic, but she is her best self these days. Your mother, loving as she can be, given everything.

Algos, is similar. She’s not technically a Danava, because she was born by Devil’s Heart rather than as she should have been. But is a Danava in spirit, a Danava of Despair. And unlike Mana, she is still young, still ruled and driven by that heartbreak. Take how you are feeling now and apply it, threefold, to every moment of every day. Remove Arianda, Vanyel, Inami, Demonica, and anyone remotely considered supportive. Give yourself one person in all this that you actually care about and that you actually feel cares about you. And then rip her away unceremoniously.

The truth of a situation becomes a non-issue. Your mind can’t handle what is happening, and it just snaps. Relatable since that has happened to me a few times, and drowned me before being dragged out of that by my friends, and those who care about me. The thing with hysteria is that every second it goes on, it becomes harder to stop. And I am a perfect showcase for how quickly everyone will abandon you once one bad thing happens.

Algos, has been alive before. Much like me and Ulv. I don’t know the specifics and I don’t know exactly how that all went down, but I know it was pretty much a kick in the dick. So when she came back to life thinking this time is different, and got kicked in the dick again, results weren’t pretty.

Was she right? Fuck no. Did she particularly have a choice? Also, no. Of course, you’ve got to be a disassociated psychopath to think of others in your darkest moment, so nobody cared what Algos was feeling and why. They didn’t care that everyone else’s actions had led her to this moment. All they cared was what she did that day. She was spawned from Neoveta, which isn’t exactly a good start to life.”

“You never met Neoveta, but-” the long monologue would be cut off by the kettle boiling, so Ulv made some tea, booped the baby Calypso’s nose playfully, and handed a cup to Calypso. “-But...holy shit. Like. Holy shit. I met her for ten, maybe twenty seconds, and the emotions I got off her were so deep my Resolve Flame instantly manifested itself without my knowledge. And I was driven to burn that flame as hot as it could go, so I could bring some comfort to Neoveta. You think we had problems… Baby, we stubbed our toe compared to Neoveta. And Algos was born of her, taking all that, along with all her own baggage. The fact that Neoveta could even exist, was the most crippling experience to my dream, and the most fervent motivation to pursue it. Samhain, may you never have a moment like that, Calypso.”

Ulv, speaking passionately and staring violently at her cup of tea, would then pause for a moment and down it in a powerful gulp. As her friend spoke with such vigor, her expression constantly changed between thoughts and feelings, contemplation and wonderings occurring as the flowers that sprung from her being softly chattered with these amongst each other, as to further add to the contemplation and thought.

“Pseu? Never heard of her. Which means you never came to me about it. Which means you spent all your time wishing and none of your time acting. Not that you couldn’t, but you didn’t. On the flip side, all those people were saved by you. This was not a didn’t, but a couldn’t. Had I been there to bust Tatsuya’s skull open for even thinking of pulling that shit, then they would have been fixed. But even me, who can cross the entire ocean on foot in under an hour, and can use my city as a viable weapon, could not have saved all those people without being present in the moment. You did what you could, and every person alive because of that is thankful.

Being seen better, is just impatience, darling. Public opinion doesn’t change over night. You just gotta endure a few years of stigma despite working against it. It’s hard, people want immediate results. You want to do one rep and suddenly be He-Man.You don’t want to be told it takes months and years of work, and constant upkeep, and external lifestyle choices to get and maintain.

I will say, I am noticing a trend, yes. You get in your own way, overthink a thing, and never do it. Welcome to sixty percent of all living beings.”

“..That is my problem isn’t it?” She’d smile softly, amused as she took her own cup of hot tea, “I wanted things my way immediately, or else it didn’t work. I grew with that immediate satisfaction, rather than the long climb. If it didn’t take my fancy, I saw it as a lost cause in the end.”

A spoon had appeared between her fingers, gently stirring something absentmindedly into the tea as she spoke, “The very first thing my poor sweet sad self did upon birth was cry for a mother who didn’t come running for me. I went and found her, and found a drunken, murderous creature. I was so afraid of turning out like that, to the point of actively paralyzing my own growth. I immediately felt like there was a wrong to right, because that wasn’t how the story went, yes? The hero didn’t just let the monster continue about, they did something about the monster.”

She’d laugh at such a childish idea, something that the little Calypso only seemed angry and bitter towards, “But, things aren’t as simple as stories or the ideal - like dreams. Slaying the monster wouldn’t be a happy ending, it would be a ripple into war and power struggles, people wishing to fill the vacuum with what they desire, perhaps an even worse desire than my own mother’s. But reasoning, reasoning is what I tried first, and once again, it does not lead to a happy ending, only another path. And i’ve had time to realize, you can’t reason the venom and wild nature out of a snake - it’s fangs and untrusting gaze has it’s time and place. Such can be said about my mother - from what I am aware of, such traits were a necessary evil, it was sink or swim for her at points, and she voraciously chose to swim, even at the cost of her own sanity and sense, not much unlike many powerful beings who walk this earth, yes?”

“While her behaviors, what untold suffering she’s caused, do not justify this, they aren’t a random act borne of evil and malice from some ungodly pit. Just like my sister’s behavior. I was ill-equipped to even come close to understanding, much less reasoning with such pain. What she did to me was wrong, what she said to Vanyel was wrong, what she had done to Minatumi was wrong, but she wasn’t a wild beast doing random evils - she was a broken woman, as you’ve said, borne from another child’s incredible suffering, and nowhere near seasoned enough to even come close to fathoming how to deal with it. Life isn’t so simple.”

Sipping her tea, her eyes would shut, silent for a moment before collecting her thoughts and continuing, “Yes, though, my mother does appear to be getting on. Perhaps I wasn’t the worst influence - I told her how what she did affected me, I went out of my way, screamed at a practical goddess, and was so absolutely shocked to have not been killed right then and there. Oh, wonder where that gusto went..?”

She’d look questioningly at the small child in Ulv’s arms, who appeared to be absolutely fuming with this development. Not a single bit of understanding ever crossed the being’s face - and why would it? They were a being of fantasy, wishing to dwell in the dream, forever, and would be awash with nightmares any time it didn’t go as wished.

“But yes, none of us are perfect. None of us are in the opportune place at any given time, and pretending like that is possible is ridiculous. All this guilt, this sheltering, this lying… Ah, lying.. Pseudologoi had done something similar - When Amphilogiai was slain on her watch, she ceased speaking to anyone at all. She had a child to try to shelter from those awful feelings, but she lost that little light fairly early on, and once that occurred… She broke. She was dead long before she was a corpse, sitting in the darkness of her studies until her final days. She never faced that darkness within her.”

She’d chuckle, “I suppose I may have picked up some things from her. But in the end, I am living my own life, and she lived hers. Whatever dregs of her mind were given to me wanted me to live, yet I haven’t exactly acted well on that desire, hmm? Hah, hard to call me a wishmaker...”

Her eyes lowered, and narrowed at the smaller child, “Though.. This is brand new. I haven’t thought this way before, at least, not loudly. It was like I was tucked to the farthest corner of my mind where I could not scream beyond the abyss, but now… Now… I’m free, or free-r than before. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

The little one growled.

“Ah yes, you hate acknowledging any of this, you hate being wrong, everything MUST go your way, right dreamer?”

“That gusto was ripped out of you, along with most of the Resolve Flame.” Ulv replied after sitting listening to Calypso talk. She sipped her tea some more, because fuck rules when you were in a realm that was almost exclusively governed by mental prowess. If they were to go at it, Calypso’s Danava nature would not be enough to tilt the scales in her favour against Ulv.

The Danava’s eyebrows softly raised, looking at her past the rim of the cup with a calm expression as she made such a statement. She wasn’t wrong, she supposed; it was a rather traumatizing event. With such a thought, the scene temporarily flickered to that time, but it was a mere flash, gone in seconds.

“Making little things in your heart’s mind is not a new thing for me. I’ve...five? Beowulf, Iko, Beast, and Hvit. So, four. Ruin is external, so doesn’t count. Beowulf was Fury, but focused Fury. Directed Fury. A Fury of a mother protecting her children. Beast, on the other hand, was madness. Hatred and vitriol, beyond comprehension or coherency. You drowned in part of it once, so you know what I am talking about.”

Ulv would rock the baby some, seemingly completely oblivious to the fact that she didn’t want to play and just hated. Aforementioned experience in dealing with something like that made it natural for Ulv.
“They are all part of you. However much you don’t want to admit it. They are all part of you. The Great, The Glorious, the Sinister and the outright devilish.” Ulv would then shrug and toss baby into the air, catching her with a smile when she came back down.

“In the end, I am dead, and you are not. So I have no choices left to make, while you can still decide what to do with your life. After everything, Mana is still your mother, Algos still technically sort of your Sister-ish. She operates under what I call Ulv Rules. Only in Algos’ term, she was stronger than whatever she might have grown into. For Mana, she will always support you. Always love you. Whatever chaotic thoughts run through her mind and rapes it of cohesion, there will be love for you.

Algos, however, has tasted what she never has before. Love found, and love lost, it has changed her as a person. You’ve one last chance with her. Right now, at your lowest, weakest point. I don’t know the woman so much I can say absolutely, but there are parallels between you and her right at this moment. You may yet repair that bridge, and be a guiding influence for the family as a whole. After all, ignoring a flame simply because you don’t like fire will not put it out.

You have choices. All you need to do, all you have ever needed to do, is do. Act with conviction, act with surety, act with passion. But above all else, act. To not do is the cruelest thing in the world, a thousand times above doing evil.”

And then, with that done, Ulv would showcase her martial mastery to move like a whisper of wind, and snuggle close to Calypso, who smiled warmly in response.
“On the topic of gossip, what did Algos say to Vanyel?”

Towards those ideas this Ulv produced, the older being hummed softly in contemplation, looking to the side and leaned back in her seat. She didn’t appear upset or bothered by it, merely, contemplating,

“In the end I would say I and Neoveta - and by extension, Algos, are similar in terms of circumstance and emotional states. In the end, Algos behaved like a starving creature that finally got it’s first scrap of food in ages, and the moment it seemed like it would vanish as she savored it, she lost her mind. Behind all of those hideous, perverse actions and feelings, I could sense desperation, sheer desperation. She was a painful creature starving for love, and relentlessly tried to keep to whatever bit of it she managed to attain.”

“No.”

The older would blink, looking to the younger of the two with a flash of annoyance, “What, does that upset-”

“NO! NONE OF THAT IS RIGHT!”

The smaller of the two shouted, standing up in Ulv’s lap and looking awfully upset and hateful. She boiled with anger and disgust, how could she EVER think any of that?!

“Algos is a disgusting, murderous MONSTER! She took advantage of me! She RAPED AND BEAT ME! I hate her! I hate her so much, and the only thing I hate more is that you’re sitting here trying to JUSTIFY IT?!”

“I’m not justifying it, she was wrong t-” Her calm expression remained, even as a black tendril slammed into her and wrapped tightly around her neck.

“YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! YOU IDIOT! CAN’T YOU HEAR YOUR OWN STUPID MOUTH?!” The young one’s body had contorted and twisted apart from her head, a valley of eyes and tendrils forming beneath her flowing clothes, writhing and hissing as she had leapt out of the woman’s grip to assault the other, “You’re so wrong, you’re so disgusting, you make me SICK..! This is exactly why I want you shut away!”

The older remained relaxed, staring up at the other as the scene thoroughly changed to that water-filled valley lit by a red moon, trees twisting up into the sky like clawed hands.

“I wish I could kill you.. I want to kill you.. I hate you so much you idiot..!”

“You only hate me because you know the truth. You know you’re wrong.” She spoke through the choking.

[color=#48007C] “SHUT UP!” The tendril would go on to force the woman’s head beneath the crimson water, tightening and choking her as she wished to drown her out, “Shut up! Shut up! Just go away and die! I don’t want to hear you anymore! You’ve said enough!”

“She is not wrong.” Was Ulv’s calm reply to the extreme outburst. “She is a monster, and she did take severe advantage of you. But Bigger Calypso, is also not wrong. When all you know is hate, fear and violence, all you will be able to do, is hate, fear and violence.”

Ulv would shake her head some at the whole thing, and exhale.
“That’s the problem with most people. It always has to be one thing or another. It can’t be both. The only difference between me and Algos is that I have people that care about me. I have experiences outside the negative. So I can tailor myself, I can center negative thoughts and overcome them. Algos? The idea barely comes to mind. All she has ever had is hatred and ignorance, so all she will ever be able to do, is hatred and ignorance.

She’s like letting a child play with a blowtorch and then blaming the child for burning the house down. Never forget what she did, never forgive what she did, but don’t let that come between you. Abandoning her for who she is is just going to see more people hurt by her.

Neither of you are wrong, but neither of you are right. Two halves of the same whole, that need to come together. Do not disregard reason, but do not disregard action. Also, stop trying to kill yourself and fill me in on gossip already.”

“WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!” The younger one would shout, dark hands racing to clutch her head, practically vibrating with intense emotions evoked by the conversation, distressed whimpers ringing out.

“Why does NOBODY understand?! I was thrown away like garbage and all I get in return for wanting a family is pain and ruin. The Asthavons are terrible, stop telling me to love them you idiot! I can’t get that feeling out of my heart no matter how hard I try, I hate it, I want to rip it out and destroy it..”

Her voice hitched in pain, her pure black eyes bulging and bleeding with dark tears, “Does nobody care that i’m not like them? That i’m not one of them? It’s not fair, why do I have to be judged right along with them? Why do people hate me for existing? Why do people hate me for trying to help?!”

Her very existence shuddered, “But no, no, I have to have things like you, and HER,” She yanked the older self out of the water for a moment, who still had that peaceful expression, before slamming her back underwater, “Telling me lies! SICKENING LIES! My family is awful, but i’m not, i’m not.. I’m not a monster. I’m not a monster.. I’m not a horrible murderer like they are. I did everything I could to stop myself from becoming like them, but now SHE’S trying to undo it, why SHOULDN’T I get rid of her?! It’s her fault Jefferson happened, it’s her fault all those people died, it’s her fault everyone hates me!”

“You love Arianda, right? Don’t think she’ll ever do anything to hurt you? Think she is an innocent little doll who could never do anything wrong?

Heh. Shall I shatter your preconceived notions and tell you what she did to Mirja? Or are you going to accept the fact that they are a terrible family because nobody has loved them. Making them terrible. Which means nobody loves them. Which means they are terrible.”

Ulv would cross her arms at the situation and look at the baby Calypso currently drowning her larger companion.
“Microcosm, right here and now. Why shouldn’t you kill her? Why shouldn’t you use your powers to get your own way. Why shouldn’t you hurt anyone who tries to get in your way? Why shouldn’t you abuse, rape, torture and generally fuck up anything and anyone that you want to keep. I mean, you’ve got the power to do it and a lot of people in the Demon World and even on Earth won’t be able to stop you.

Just go find who you want, and break them. Algos did, and she’s clearly a great role model, huh? Go find yourself a Norwegian girl and shatter her mind, force her to think she is Ulv, and then get along perfectly with her. You can do that, and easily. So why shouldn’t you?”

The smaller being growled at her, hardly sounding humane in the slightest when Arianda was mentioned, anger broiling especially as she dared to imply such a thing about her mother. Rage twisted her distorted expression, her breathing labored and harsh.

“Because I’M better than Algos! My mom is better than Algos! I would never do that to someone, i’m the better person here! Why is that so hard for you to understand?! She’s just getting in the way! Giving me all these stupid, ugly thoughts, I hate her!”

“‘I’ll never do that’ she says, while doing that. I know you can’t see the irony in that, Hvit was once very similar to you right now. But it still amuses me. Come now, tiny Calypso. Wouldn’t you prefer I made your womb go kyun-kyun till you couldn’t remember your own name? Drowning someone in a tub is such gauche, after all.”

A window formed in the house, and outside of the snowy tundra there was a deathly pale woman with pink hair, and a petite cutie in front of her. Frozen, for now, but definitely alive and ready to move on command.

“SHUT UP WITH YOUR WEIRD WORDS!” She’d snap, “You don’t understand, you never understand, if you did understand you’d be helping me, but no, no, you have to just ditch me, AGAIN, JUST LIKE MY FAMILY DID!-”

She let out a small choke, feeling pressure around her neck, her eyes gazing down to see that the older Calypso had grabbed her by the neck, and then proceeded to yank her up and off, forcing herself on top and the little one’s head to barely poke up above the water. Her face was that of a quiet, angry maelstrom gently hid amongst sweet flowers.

“You whine far too much. You don’t want to co-exist, do you?”

“Why would I want to co-exist with you?! I hate you! You do nothing but cause me pain and trouble!”

“Then perhaps you should stop blaming everyone else for your problems and start FIXING THEM.”

“I can’t fix them on my own! It’s not my fault they exist! It’s other people’s fault, if they just stopped, i’d be fine!”

Her teeth clicked, “..Gods, how did I emerge from you?”

“Gave you every opportunity to take my help. And yet you didn’t. Sorry I am too busy and hands-off to not be by your side every moment, fixing every issue soon as it popped up. I rely on people to tell me their problems if they want me to fix them. And the one time I made a suggestion, you freak out.” Ulv would lean back, not getting into the fight between the two, but putting in her opinion on the subject.

“While it is always good to believe in yourself, a little help from others goes a long way. The trick here, is to believe in yourself. If you aren’t moving, others can’t help you. You are both the two extremes of the scale, you need to come together to balance it out and meet in the middle. You once came to us and said you wanted to be beautiful as we are. Now is your chance.”

[color=#48007C]“You left me for ALGOS!” The small one practically screamed, tendrils bursting from the water to strike at the older of the two, who refused to let go.

“Hmm...” Ulv would make a noise after Calypso claimed she had left her. Leaping up to sit on the air, Ulv gave a mock posturing pose, complete with chin rub and frown.

“She was trying to prevent a big problem from becoming worse. Yes it felt fucking esoteric and confusing, but it made sense in the grander scheme. If Algos was left unattended how she was and then lost her shit again no doubt more than a city would have gotten literal death rained upon it!” The older shot back, enduring each and every strike with all she had, even as they dug into her flesh and stung her skin with their whippings.

“Stop justifying Ulv! She left me! She left me after Algos hurt me, and now you’re willing to give her another SHOT? Why are you even listening to her?!”

“You’re so damn foolish if you’re thinking that is what i’m thinking - we literally are the same person - you KNOW what I am actually thinking. I have no plans to simply run after her - If she wants to reconcile, I will hear her out under the right conditions!” The older would snap, despite this her face still retained that calm yet stormy fury.

“NO! NO! NO!” The younger would shriek, more and more tendrils bursting from the crimson waters, “I don’t want to forgive her, I don’t want to forgive ANY of them for what they did to me! NONE! THEY DON’T DESERVE IT!”

“Let me get something straight here. You, lived in the Harbour. I, lived in the Harbour. You, had not done some terrible Takehiko thing that made me refuse your further presence. In fact you were a welcomed friend whenever you turned up. Auntie Calypso, even. I had hoped you get to know my children and support them when I was gone.

Five minute walk, two second teleport. And yet, I never saw you about this whole thing. I told you why I never went to see you, so I think it is only fair to tell me why you never came to see me, no? Because this is sounding an awful lot like you left me after this whole thing. Like everyone else.”

“Because you were with ALGOS!” The little one would snap, writhing in the crimson waters as the older panted and forced her down further as she was whipped and wounded.

“Because… I wasn’t ready. I was going through a lot of things that I had never experienced before. I wasn’t ready to come around you two, I wasn’t ready to be an aunt, I wasn’t ready to feel any sort of peace around Algos. I just.. Wasn’t ready.”

The elder’s eyes filled with unimaginably colored tears, rolling down her face as she went on, “I didn’t know how to get through what I was experiencing. I’m barely three-years-old, Ulv, there’s only so much I have to go off of. I didn’t know how to heal, I didn’t know how to be a good friend, I didn’t even know how to be a good family member, at least, that was how I felt. I needed.. More time,” Her breathing was shaky, heart heavied with grief.

“STOP! LYING!” The little one practically shrieked, tendrils arcing up and outward from the red sea to grab the older of the two, and yank her down, down, and down into the depths, “If you wanna lie so much, you can just go to sleep! Fade away! I don’t care anymore! JUST STOP EXISTING!”


“Not all the time, and fer fuck sake, woman. We both go wherever the fuck we want to do, so you could have asked me to bring you to Zian-Zi or Seireitei or...well probably not Seireitei at that point, but still. If you wanted to talk, you could have asked me to leave the Harbour with you. Bottom of the fucking ocean is a viable meeting place for people like us.

And if it worried you so much, why did you stay in the Harbour? Free housing or no, you and Arianda could have lived anywhere on Earth. Inside Everest or in the Marina’s Trench if you wanted. But you stayed right on my doorstep, and still blame me for everything. Like everyone! I used to think Henrex was a shit for constantly whining about my presence but never doing anything about it. But at least he was upfront about this whole thing! I didn’t have to suffer two-faced shits who go so far as to show me their baby!”

The last words buzzed harshly in the air, less spoken and more forced into existence through a congealed mess of emotions too much to pick through. It was harsh and larger than anything one heard ever should be. Hearing herself at the end, Ulv snarled at her anger and forced everything back into a semblance of order. For a moment she thought there was no reason to anymore because she was dead after having been betrayed by everyone she ever cared about, but principles held so tightly didn’t just come lose when you died.

“I get it. People want to hate, because hate is easy. But after everything we have been through, did I not even deserve one conversation? Did I not even deserve a letter? Was everything so superficial that it could be cut off so easily? Was everything I did that little? Was it’s effects that shallow…?”

At this point it was clear through her face and voice that if Ulv was not quite such an unconsciously, violently held-together woman, there would be tears and hysteria. As it was, she just had a terrifyingly focused stare and a billowing combination of flaming wind messing with her hair, giving it the appearance as if the hair was fire. Beautiful, Amber, Fire.

The little Calypso only seemed to become more and more twisted with anger, sadness, and fear as the conversation went on, as questions became unanswerable and just provoked more and more stress. It was like the landscape around them trembled and cracked with the sheer expression of emotion on both sides. Darkness rolled down the little one’s face as she growled and whined, shaking her head fervently,

“Stop it! STOP IT! You’re hurting me again! You’re hurting me!”

Rather than racing to do the same to Ulv as they did unto their older counterpart, the tendrils instead lashed and bashed at the twisting land around them, violently smashing and destroying everything they could as the air radiated with sheer panic.

However, it wasn’t long until that emotion was accompanied by another cluster - Grief.

From the darkness of the crimson waters, a hand burst to the surface, however it looked far less human and far more draconic, still retaining a hand-like shape, though it bore claws and looked visibly paler with fur and even feathers present. It clung to the surface of the water as if it were clasping the edge of a cliff, before it was joined by another similar looking hand, and soon after the form of the older Calypso burst from the water, gasping for air as half of her body, which looked somewhat transformed as well, hit the surface. She still had tendrils that held fast to her form, grievous wounds along her back, but despite all of it, she forced herself out of the water, and towards Ulv; one painful, restrained step at a time.

Despite her more monstrous appearance borne of the strong emotions present, ushering a truer form to the surface, there was one thing that stood out amongst it - her eyes, bearing a great humanity to them. They were filled with sadness, longing, and grief, prismatic tears rolling down her face as she forced herself towards Ulv.

“I’m sorry,” Her voice spoke, pain filled yet strong, “I know it’s far too late for it now, but i’m so sorry. I let myself be blinded, and left you behind. Even on that rooftop, all you wanted was for me to understand you, and I pushed you away.”

Her breath hitched, gritting her teeth as she kept pushing, despite the tendrils desperately trying to yank her back under with more ferocity than before. Despite it, she kept moving, slowly, carefully.

“Your death hurt me so dearly. Even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself initially, I missed you. I missed you so much it felt like my heart was bleeding at times. And to know that the only thing I did prior to it was push your reach for help away, it instilled such a deep, profound pain within me that couldn’t be spoken into known words.”

Closer yet closer, she approached her, “You were one of the few people in the world who gave me a chance, and I squandered it. I mistreated and disregarded that friendship. Many beings would have wanted me dead just for existing, but you gave me a chance!”

Her body slammed on the floor quite hard, wincing in pain as she would force herself back to her feet, her body changing more and more by the second, the flowers grown from her flesh speaking something new - a gentle song.

“Turning my back on you is one of my biggest regrets, and I only realize it after the consequences set in… Even with that realization I tried to push it down, bury it away, because it hurt so much, but...”

Painfully, she stood before Ulv, staring deeply at her with great sentiment,

“...Suffering is the price of life, and to live is to suffer. I’m not truly living if i’ve forced my emotions into silence.”

Ulv would listen, fuming with deep seated resentment and rage. But, eventually she just couldn’t even keep that up. The nihilism that set in in the last few weeks, the feeling that everything really was for nothing…

“Sorry is a bit late” Ulv replied, her form shifting again. Back to the Ulv that Calypso knew, and yet not. Pale, icy skin that was clearly frozen from exposure, and her eyes auburn and dull. The clothing was like a monk’s dress, from Tibet, and the only part of her that didn’t seem subdued and lifeless. “Any day before the last day, and she would have forgiven you. If Abalia came down on that day and told Ulv that she was being cut off. That while the two would always be friends, The Commander could not abide The Mayor’s actions…

Ulv would be upset. So much aid rendered to the ‘good guys’ and not a single eyebrow raised by Shadowfall or Kokuyuteshi. But a single hand reached out to someone who needed it, and the world loses their minds. Really shows you what good and evil means, huh? But she would have accepted it regardless.

Now all either of us have is one more mistake to throw on the pile. You can do what you want with it. I, am just going to hopefully stay dead this time. Don’t dream of me again. I will send my worst self next time. And that…” Something flickered around Ulv, far too fast to see, but slow enough that her next words echoed the feeling anyone would have in their heart. “Is not something anyone wants to see”

With that morose and sombre exchange done, Ulv would turn, and start towards the back of the manor, which dissolved and shattered off into a crimson sea, stretching into infinity in all directions.

“..Wait.” She’d breathe, “..Please..”

The screaming wails around her grew stronger and stronger as those tendrils yanked and pulled on her, growing heavier and heavier with each word Ulv spoke, seeing her in such a state, hearing how far she had fallen from betrayal.

“Ulv.. Wait.” She’d breathe out painfully as the woman’s broken form turned away, and walked off. The hold on her grew heavier and heavier, but despite that she still took each and every step, staring ahead of herself.

“It was all terrible, but you can’t just fade away like that..” Her tears pooled on the crimson floor, her body feeling like the weight of the world was holding it down.

“Even if you aren’t truly her, even if you’re just an echo, you have to keep going!” The woman did not stop, as her steps grew more and more desperate, hitting the ground with more and more missteps,

“Others did wrong unto you, I did wrong unto you, but I want to be here for you like you deserve! I’m sorry for not understanding sooner!” She’d cry out as her feet splashed beneath the surface, her movement slowing all together as her entire being roared with the desire to reach out to her friend and hug her, touch her, some kind of gesture to give her in earnest.

“ULV! Please!” She was practically begging, but still her steps did not cease, watching her fade farther and farther as she slammed into the water, more and more tendrils reaching from the darkness to yank her under, “I want to make it up to you! I want to make up for the suffering i’ve contributed to!- Oh Gods…”

Despite her begging, despite her cries, they were not heeded. Rather, she was yanked beneath the surface, only able to see the faint figure of the woman vanishing above the waves.

.. This is the path I chose.

.. This is the suffering it has wrought.

.. This is the result.

Not even the pulsation of water accompanied her, pure silent suffocation surrounding her as she sank. Her eyes closed shut, but despite the restful appearance of her form, her heart was aflame.

.. Despite such suffering, this is not the final path.

.. It does not have to end in suffering.

.. For many more lay ahead of me.

.. Do I… Have the will… To travel them?

----

Her eyes squeezed, before sliding open. With consciousness, came white hot pain. Her eyes widened incredibly as her body wailed in pain. Blood oozed out of many splits and breaks, parts of her screaming out of control in pain as splashes and splashes of blue hit the grass floor.

It felt like her very being was ripping itself apart.
It felt like her life was in danger.
It felt like everything was crashing down.

She was dying. Everything was unravelling, her existence was falling apart, even the demonic bonds in her soul were painfully disintegrating inside of her like rot.

But despite this, she did not scream in pain. The pain was acknowledged, even her head was splitting in twine, but she did not scream, instead the girl leaned forward, splattering more of her blood and innards, and calmly thought:

I am suffering.
What can I do about this suffering?

She searched her tearing mind for a solution, like reaching her hand into a dark closet to find the smallest treasure within it as her body fell apart more and more by the moment. She searched within herself, before finally grasping something, something taught to her long ago that she had previously disregarded:

Hao Ren Sho.

Slowly and carefully, even as she coughed up the blood she was drowning in, she would force her body to move, and sit. A deep breath in, a deep breath out, even as blood, weight, and terrible pain accompanied each and every movement.

...Dukkha - Am I suffering..?

Yes. I am suffering.

A gurgle of blood in her throat could be heard as she only managed to speak with her thoughts. Weakness and feelings of faintness accompanied her as she forced herself to focus.

..S..Samudaya - Why am I suffering..?

She relented somewhat, but grit her teeth, reaching for the truth in her heart instead of the lies within her dreams, I am suffering because I have led a misguided life... I have harmed people in my ignorance... I have thrown away much in my cowardice... And now my very existence is threatened because of this distortion within my very soul.

Some part of her mind screamed at even fathoming such a thing, but she kept going.

..N..Ni..rodha.. - ...H..ow can I s..olve… my suffer..ing..?

Her thoughts grew weaker, weighted with resistance, but she still kept going.

...I must… Open my heart... To possibility… Cease the silencing of my own emotions… Stop… Hiding behind my own pain… As an excuse… As well as… Many more things that may not come to mind now, but are.. D-desired…

She slumped forward, hitting the ground like a pile of discarded meat. She cringed in pain, but yet she still kept going.

...M...M...Magga…

Her mind screamed. The darkness roared. Sleep threatened her.

And yet, she still kept going.

“...Will, I take.. The step upon the road… To cease.. This suffering..?”

Her voice struggled to speak, each word spoken with fragility yet a sense of unwavering. A space of silence followed these words, before she coughed once more, struggling to force herself back up.

“...Yes.”