You Must Defeat My Sheng Long [Shishiyuki, Makoto]

Shishiyuki removed her finger from Makoto's, content that her warning had been sufficient to keep her from pushing herself beyond her natural limits. Upon hearing the question posed to her, however, she crossed her arms, leaning back a touch as she considered the question.

"Your willingness to kill me."

It was stated so evenly, so casually, that one might have reasonably compared it to a commentary on the weather. But, ultimately, it was the greatest reason behind her making this offer.

"Had I allowed such a thing, you would certainly have taken my life during that training session, would you not have?"

The response was not one that she expected to hear. Her intention to kill her? Makoto just looked at her, it dazed her. Was that her most admirable feature? There was nothing about potential talent, her lapse of judgement was the most attractive thing about her that made her an appealing student for Shishiyuki?

"My... willingness to kill you? R-right, I see, Lady Shishiyuki. I would have been quite content in that moment to kill you, yes."

She tried to hide the fact it bothered her, she just smiled and nodded. The reason why was missing, why was her willingness to kill her such a desireable trait. Makoto was confused and trying to get a conclusion.

"Thank you for answering."

"That is what I had assumed, yes."

Nodding in understanding, Shishiyuki studied Makoto for a moment longer. Such an understated response for that sort of answer, but that was, ultimately, what she had anticipated from this student of hers.

"I am thoroughly acquainted with the feeling. Most of my students are not, and I can teach them with the basic academy curriculum. They do not require my full attention, nor do I feel any connection to them beyond that of a teacher and student. With you, however, there is far more."

She thought it might be ideal to give the woman a smile, but did that not seem a tad condescending? She would do no such thing.

"You display tenacity, and a desire to learn which is far beyond mere 'willingness.' If I were to let you, I have no doubt that you would allow yourself to keel over dead in your pursuit of my lessons."

Was that all of it? Well, she supposed so. She could certainly have spoken far more poetically about it all, spoken kindly of her in more detail, but neither of the two of them were the sorts of women who would particularly care much for those kinds of elaborations. If anything, a simple manner of explaining it all would be best.

"You remind me of myself."

She didn't get it. Makoto sat there in deeply in thought, the words confused her a bit. What did Shishiyuki want out of her desire to kill her, or just kill in general. Her hatred for people and murderous tendencies weren't meant to be praised, were they? She didn't want to be praised for it. It should be something damned, something to be worked out. That unyielding spite that begged to commit murder wasn't worth being praised.

"I'm sorry but I don't understand."

Makoto bit her lip while leaning back in her chair. She didn't know what she ought to do about this. How should she respond? She already struggled to figure out what she was trying to get at by talking about them being far more between their connection. Makoto had never considered this as anything other than teacher and student.

"I don't understand how we're similar in your eyes nor why you feel so close to me as a result of it. Though, I guess it really doesn't matter in the end. The situation's clear enough."

She looked at her hands while thinking, she felt a bit tense at the whole knowledge. Makoto made an attempt to relax and not let her stiff posture show too much.

"No? I make no pretense that I understand your life. A willingness to kill is not something all have within them, but a great many of those who have it are nothing more than brutes such as the Kenpachi."

Of course, they were very much only teacher and student, but it was not nearly to the same degree as herself and any of the myriad students that came through the Academy. This was, intrinsically, a very different dynamic.

"You take no pride in it. You seek to keep that part of yourself hidden away, even when the Gotei and the Soul Society are certainly not a realm where the violent need suppress themselves. You could likely find exceptional success if you wished to feed those impulses, but you deny them. That is commendable, but a difficult existence."

Shishiyuki considered the woman's posture, her obvious indications of unsurety fairly clear to one who had spent such time among nobility, who hid every possible feeling even when it was unnecessary.

"Knowing what I do about you, and having spoken with you, it would be unforgiveable of me to then simply let you go on without my assistance. There is much wisdom I would have wished to have when I was a younger woman, and I would very much like to impart it to you."

"Right. Of course not, I take no pride in my feelings or in my lapse in control when I tried to kill you."

She considered what might've made Shishiyuki the kind of woman she was, Makoto's eyes focused back onto her teacher's. She was a little opposed to just thinking the woman had the best intentions. People were always the nicest when they wanted something from you, after all. There wasn't any reason for Shishiyuki to just want to help her from the bottom of her heart.

"Alright. Excuse me, Lady Shishiyuki. You mention our similarities, why do you deny your killing desire?"

Whether or not Makoto trusted her, the ultimate truth of the matter was that Shishiyuki did lack in any ulterior motive for offering these courses. At most, one might call it a bit of concern for the well-being of others in the Seireitei, but her primary purpose was every bit for Makoto's own well-being as a matter of principle.

"There is no reason to give it purchase. Nothing is gained if I take a life without purpose, if I simply give into that basest instinct. It would reflect poorly on myself, on my family, and on the centuries I have spent training myself."

With a frown, Shishiyuki contemplated the last time she had taken a life. It had been in the line of duty, but even now, she did consider if she had truly needed to do so. Perhaps she was simply overthinking things.

"My desire to kill is nothing more than the expression of those worst aspects of myself. If I am to improve, then I cannot allow those thoughts the slightest influence on myself."

So that was it. It was just denial of herself, Makoto wondered what the reason for such a bloodlust could be. However, there was absolutely no reason for her to ask Shishiyuki such a personal question when she wasn't prepared to explain her history either.

"I see... Then I will endeavour to provide you a means to improve."

That seemed right, she assumed that if she could give Shishiyuki anything then it would be able to reciprocate the whole working on restraint deal that she wanted to improve on herself. Makoto did appreciate it though, if she could improve then she could feel like she was doing better as a seated officer.

"Hmm. Please forgive me for my invasive questions. Is there anything else for this lesson?"

She shook her head to clear out any distractions and the thoughts she didn't like sharing, she had got distracted enough. She should be more focused on what she needed to be doing, not getting worked up over Shishiyuki herself.

"And I will, naturally, do much the same for you."

Shishiyuki appreciated Makoto's forwardness in these questions, and her willingness to take responsibility for them. It spoke well to her character, and it affirmed that Shishiyuki had not offered her lessons to someone who would take them half-heartedly.

"We will not cover any further material today, no. However, I would like to stay here for a while longer. We will finish for the day when you are capable of repeating our first exercise with each finger in your hand. Not all at once, of course, given that is a far more elaborate process."

"Alright."

Makoto held out her hand and offered the next finger, ready to repeat the process as many times as her teacher wanted her before swapping to another one. Index, middle, ring and pinkey. Left hand, right hand. All the way until it was finished at whatever time late into the night that Shishiyuki was satisfied to send her away. It wasn't like she had anything she needed to do.

She was on medical leave after all.