Early Morning Matters [Calypso/Vanyel]

A solemn look was on her tired face as there was nothing but silence between the two of them after that ugly confession of what her mind conjured as she slept. The worst of all worst cases, funny how the mind is so quick to hurt itself when worry and anxiety engulfs one's thoughts...

But this was something Calypso had grown accustomed to, something she knew she had to deal with ever so often, and something that likely was to stay for the duration of her current life. Fighting it was a worthless endeavor, learning how to cope with it certainly wasn't. Calypso couldn't help but wonder - did her previous lives have these issues? These mountains to climb? They probably weren't much of anyone in the grander scheme... Maybe they were just typical creatures, roaming and living uneventful lives until they eventually perished. If she even had previous lives to begin with..

Her eyes drew to her husband as he pecked her on the cheek, a warm smile forming on her face as he gave his little declaration to never let her hurt her ever again. She felt the weakness in his voice, his arms too as they trembled with her in his grasp. Was he sure he could even do that?

She felt his arm underneath her legs as she felt herself be picked up, the man would find that despite her appearance, Calypso was ridiculously light - like picking up a large feather than a woman. She met his gaze, rubbing one of her eyes as she would let out a gentle yawn,

"Yeah I.. Don't think my head wants me to sleep right now. Would rather be held by you than deal with the millionth people-dying-and-suffering-being-all-my-fault imagery."

She enjoyed his gentle carrying, the sensation of her being able to be vulnerable in another's grasp without anything awful happening was almost relieving. She felt at ease in the warmth of his arms, smiling softly as her body remained loose and relaxed until he lied her down in bed and came to lie down next to her. She felt his arm around her, causing her to shuffle closer to him, her body resting close against his as she bunched her arms to her chest, her head pressed against his chest as she heard him speak of how lonely he was, how much he missed her touch and presence as she ran off to do fuck knows what.

Guilt twisted her heart like a sharpened knife as she was reminded of one of her biggest failures, biting her bottom lip.

Gods, what is wrong with me? I was running off doing stupid bullshit and leaving him to deal with these feelings alone...

"..Vanyel. I'm so, goddamn sorry."

Her voice was a low whisper as she spoke, pain wavering her previously relaxed tone, "They weren't adventures, they were selfish decisions. Selfish decisions to put me towards a goal I never deserved. I'm so very sorry I left you behind like that, especially without even telling you where I'm going or what I'm doing. I can't sugarcoat this shit anymore."

Her hands squeezed so tightly she swore they were about to start bleeding, "I'm an idiot Vanyel, but I promise you, I promise anyone, I'm going to turn it around for the better. I've failed enough people."

"One of those things to turn around is to put you with someone better to teach you how to be a demon. Alg- She, is no good for you, and I'm still figuring myself out. So far the best person I can think of is probably my mother, Arianda. She knows how to do shit and has herself figured out, she'd do great to teach you. I'm.. Not a teacher. I'm nowhere near qualified enough to call myself that."

She would cautiously reach a hand up to touch his hair, gently petting his head before continuing, "..You can't be wholly dependent on me, Vanyel. There are good people out there aside from me, better people to learn from and grow with. I love you, you're my husband, but you can't be clung so fast to me, for your own good. I don't want you to be lonely, either..."