Funny, The Ways We Grow [Abalia, Makoto, Yugiri]

She understood as much, or was she just saying she did? No, Yugiri judged that her admission was selfi-awareness of her own glaring flaw and that same thing was the reason that she refused to accept her apology. She put her hands on her hips, using the full height of her small figure which still didn't compare to Abalia but made her steel herself.

"Right, I don't accept them. If you can't understand how I feel and you're just asking for my forgiveness because you think it's proper then it's not sincere and therefore I don't want it. So I suppose that's wht I want from you, Abalia. I want you to understand it."

There was a moment where she wondered if she shouldn't have said what she did but lying wasn't going to do anything for it. She had no reason to pull her punches given how Abalia hadn't pulled her's all those years ago. The only saving grace was that she had the maturity now to not make petty jabs. She might've weaved in something about her dead husband into her words if she was a few years younger.

Well. That did make sense, Abalia knew. She would not hold that against Yugiri, or think less of her for the decision. If anything, she knew all too well that Yugiri had every right not to forgive her. That what she was was, ultimately, justified on some level.

"I want much the same. When the day comes that I do understand, then, I will seek you out once more. You will see nothing of me until that day comes. Is this acceptable?"

It was quite clearly not the outcome that Abalia would have hoped for from this interaction. However, it was one she nevertheless had been prepared for. Did this rejection hurt? No, it did not. And yet, Abalia knew that it should have. it should have been thoroughly upsetting for her, a vicious failing of her character. But there was nothing more than the dull, intellectual understanding that it had occurred.

Yugiri's hip shifted a little to stick out to one side while she sighed at the response. Taking a moment to shake her head and return her attention back to Abalia with a thoughtful expression, it did take a moment but a moment was all that was required for her to make up her mind on this one. It didn't compare to the last time.

"Why would I want you to avoid me? That's ridiculous. It doesn't bother me what you do or if I see you, the only point I want to stress is that I won't forgive you until you are actually able to sincerely understand."

She looked at the sky like a quick judge of time on her part and turned to go, pausing for a minute to say something before she continued on her way.

"I should probably go, it's rude to leave someone waiting on you. The silver hair girl hasn't really taken her eyes off us since you approached. Good luck I guess, Abalia."

Yugiri said her bit and that was really all she had to say.

She really didn't understand.

"I see. Very well."

Abalia had no more she could really say on the matter, even if the exchange had ultimately been a failure on her end. She felt as though she should have somehow made this right, but it simply was not possible. She blinked in some faint surprise at Yugiri's mention of her company.

"Be well, Yugiri."

A small bow, and Abalia turned to rejoin Makoto. The entire conversation she had just held continued to replay itself in her mind, as if she could ever have changed the outcome. But she could not have, and that weight upon her even as she sat once more across from her company.

"My apologies, Makoto. I hope you did not wait long."

What did she just say? It was said so subtly that Makoto almost missed it but she had noticed it and it stuck in her mind. Wondering what kind of conversation must have occurred to leave Abalia so distracted. Did she take it as permission? Should that be their basis? That was something she was not prepared to be faced with.

"It's alright, I understand how busy you are."

She didn't know if she should inquire, was that a bit much? She didn't want to be to personal. Though Abalia had barely even told her fifteen minutes ago they look out for each other's wellbeing. In that regard she felt obligated to check.

"Are you alright, ma'am? You seem a little distant after your talk. That was Yugiri Shihoin, wasn't it? I can't say I know anything about it but I don't think I've ever seen you so deeply in thought. Forgive me if I am to forward."

"I am always alright. But I suppose that is the problem."

Abalia thought, for a moment, to explain the whole affair in its entirety to her companion. It would have certainly helped to explain the situation, but it also was not Abalia's place to discuss the matter. Even if it had been a meeting which she was directly involved in, she would not be in the right to share the details of Yugiri's personal life with Makoto. That sort of gossip would not ever cross her lips.

"I wronged her once, whether I intended to or not. I caused her great emotional turmoil. But I do not know her pain, no matter how I wish to apologize."

She simply gazed dully at the table between them, her eyes not focused on much in particular. She was simply speaking to Makoto.

"It is no secret that I am a woman with a heart of stone, Makoto. But I did not choose to be so. I have spoken with you about my wish to understand others. That I hold my weakness to be something which helps me to do so. But I do not, do I? I do not feel love, hate, fear, anger, grief, all of those things which mean so very much to others. I cannot understand them."

She did not initially understand, Makoto leaned back and thought about it. That did sound like quite the problem, as much as she tried to feel it. It was almost a little envious really, she wished that she always felt alright and didn't jump to conclusions about people, get uncomfortable in large groups of people which had nothing to do with being packed in. It was what she was packed in with.

"I see. That sounds like an awful burden to carry."

Makoto finished her drink and placed the cup that had hot chocolate a little to the side. Leaning forward to rest her hands on the table she pondered the rest of her thoughts on the matter. She had avoided saying something like that she was sorry for her, Abalia didn't seem like a woman that enjoyed being pitied for her problems. Makoto avoided sharing her's for the same reason.

"Thank you for sharing, ma'am... We all have things that weigh us down I suppose, even if such a thing has it's benefits I'm sure. "

This was hard, there was few times in her life when she felt like she had needed to comfort someone. That was the benefit of being really distant from others, Abalia was one of the few she really felt like she was opening up to. Having a good relationship with your superior officers were important after all.

"Ma'am.. If you need help, I will do my best to be of assistance as your friend in anyway I can to help you."

She spoke up quite quickly, getting her last bit out confidently before sitting back shyly. Maybe it was a bit a forward of her to say that.

"Its benefits are many, but I must wonder if the day will come that I fail myself and those who have put their faith in me because of it."

Abalia still spoke plainly, her voice even and passionless even now. She knew that was unnatural, inhuman, but she would not simply put on some facade of emotion. It would be dishonesty, a disservice to anyone if she were to do something such as that.

There was something about Makoto's reassurance which gave her pause, if only for a moment. She had anticipated a response along those lines, of course, but its wording was perhaps more reassuring than Makoto herself might have intended.

"...Please, simply call me Abalia. Your assistance is appreciated, welcome even. But I do not know what would be done about this matter. It would be unacceptable to ask the impossible of a friend."

It was a fair concern she had, Makoto felt much the same with her own sadism when it slipped out in a fight. It did scare her that one day she might be seeing so much red that she'd wake up and have left all the people she was supposed to help and protect end up in the crossfire of her malicious habit. She never wanted to see that and she never wanted Abalia to feel it either.

"A- Abalia..."

She wasn't ready to hear that, it gave her a pause and broke her composure. Makoto also didn't expect to be called a friend, she had glossed over the fact she had accidently referred to Abalia as her friend moments ago but that was kind of what they were wasn't it? Well, Makoto would take that. Abalia was a pretty decent choice for a friend if she thought so.

Then again, she was pretty weird when she put her ear to the wall and heard some of the rumours about her. Whatever, she'd just keep going on and ignore them.

"Well, have you ever like been assessed? When was the last time you went for a psyche assessment or a physical? If I was to help, it'd be important to know what I'm dealing with and if it is something I can do."

She didn't mean it rudely, Makoto also had a habit of neglecting to take optional assessments either. She had only been through one and that was when she joined the Gotei. People peeking around her head or probing her body definitely wasn't pleasant. She might be weird but she felt pretty normal in that most people probably didn't like that experience.

"No, apart from the preliminary medical testing as a new member of the Gotei, I have never required any significant examinations. I have never been in such a state that superiors or my Vice Captain have felt the need to send me in for evaluation."

Abalia already knew that this admission would lead into her being advised to seek out such assistance. She would not deny it, however, or avoid the issue, on account of already knowing quite fully that this was a necessary course of action. There was no reason for her to deny it beyond pride, but pride was something she did not have.

"I will schedule an assessment upon our return to the Seireitei, then. But I hope you will understand if I request that we not return immediately. I would, at least, wish not to end our outing prematurely."