Advent of Despair. [Semi-Open--ask first]. Inami/Arianda]

When she had asked why, she had honestly not expected a response. Inami’s words had been more of a mechanism that she had put for, a last ditch effort to rationalize the pain and the disappointment that had shattered her heart and thrown her into disarray. An attempt to quell the feeling of drowning that continued to flood into her chest. An attempt at regaining control. Even when she had long since fallen into chaos.

So when Arianda actually answered, Inami’s red rimmed eyes widened faintly. She heard the words that spilled forth from the womans lips, even if she did not completely understand why.

” Why me~? Because I couldn't bear to let you feel such pain alone; I couldn't bear it at all, Inami.”
Arianda had said.

It was surprising. An unfamiliar feeling lurked beneath the pain--mired in confusion. Why was it a stranger who cared for her so? Why wasn’t it her kin. Why wasn’t it those who she’d shoulder the sky for--who she’d fight the entire world for? Why. Why!?! The sickening sadness and pain was only momentarily overcome by a flash of frustration. A flash of pure, unfiltered rage for the unfairness, for the misery that had cycle after cycle been inflicted to them all.

”I may not be close to you, I may not even be the right person to help you feel better; but it was me because your pain spoke to me, Inami... And I didn't want you to be alone, not without someone to help at least…” arianda had said.

Alone? Yes.. she had for so long. The fact that someone else had come, because they could comprehend her pain, because they wished to experience that pain with her. It was something far.. Far more surreal to the queen than anything else. For she had honestly always been alone. The pain that she bore was a pain that was hers and hers alone.

Then came the memories, the deluge of pure disgruntled thought at the efforts that she had put forth which had inevitably gone down the drain. Trust that was regained, only to be broken once more. Hopes that had simply been destroyed.

Yet, beyond the pain, there was a part of inami that beneath it all was a tiny bit glad. Glad that she wasn’t alone, that another had come to her. That someone had braved the darkness and reached out with a warmth-giving hand. Even if they were almost a stranger to her, the fact that they had simply come… meant the world to her.

So, Inami breathed in the scent, and let the feelings of warmth wash over her as she nestled her head in underneath the other womans chin. The tears that continued to flow, and the emotions that continued to tear her up inside causing another sniffle to be elicited from the queen. A soft hiccup escaping her mouth as she sank into the support given to her.

”So this is what it feels like, to have another to lean upon.”

Inami thought to herself softly as the soft tremors grew, and the woman let another wave of wrenching sobs escape her mouth. The queens curled up form buried within arianda’s embrace as the heart-wrenching noises that left her mouth, weren’t as loud as they had been before, but they were full of the pain and misery she currently felt. For once in her life, she let it out of her own free will. The pain, the hurt, the disappointment and the rage. The feelings of betrayal and broken trust, of hopelessness and apathy. All of it, all of her despair. She just let it out.

Even if they were almost complete strangers, it had been this stranger that had come for her. It was this stranger that had held her hand. When her family had not, they had. Inami was relieved, relieved that she no longer had to put on a show. That she did not need to adhere to the carefully constructed facade that she had erected the past few months.

Oh how she had longed for one of her family, her blood, her kin, to lend her a shoulder to cry upon, to tell her that it would all be alright. How she had wished that this would have brought them together and made them stronger.

But it hadn’t.

It had only brought more war, more hatred, more anger and more destruction. It had wrenched them apart, even as it had momentarily brought them together. The acrid taste of reality was mixed with the notes of lilac and cinnamon that Arianda’s presence was composed of for Inami. Yet as she continued to cry, as her broken voice continued unabated from her mouth, Inami knew one thing.

She was done with all of it.

She was done with the pettiness and the futility. She was done vying for a future that had only continued to fragment and break, in a system was flawed and broken. All this pain that lingered in her chest, pain that stemmed from all that was wrong in this world only brought her back to that singular thought. A realization that if she did not step forth and change, that this world would continue to break apart and would never mend.

A realization that she had given up a long time ago and had simply accepted that her dreams for equality would never come to be. That this realm would only continue to self-destruct over petty, trivial creeds. That as much as she loved her family, they would never be there when she needed them most. That demons were ultimately selfish, self-serving creatures with immortal lives.

”Almost all of them..” Inami thought faintly as she fought down the churning within her stomach that threatened to cause her to puke once more upon the floor. Her nose gently inhaling to take in more of the calming scents within the room. As if in doing so she could take in the comfort that had extended to her like a bastion of light, to fight against the darkness and hopelessness. Much like how a fisherman looked for land in the midst of terrible storms, Arianda was the point of stability in her chaos.

Inami was not too proud, nor was she too naive to think that she could work through this on her own. The pain that stabbed into her like broken glass, or searing hot knives fresh from a forge, was not something that she’d be capable of combatting by herself. It was much too fresh, much too raw for rational thought.

Inami found herself listening to the beating heart within arianda’s chest, as she tried to calm her shaking body, and quell the erratic beating of her own heart. She found herself trying to quell the self pitying thoughts in her head; and eventually--when she once more could speak, the words that eventually escaped her hoarse throat were.

”Is this okay?”

”Is it okay for me to seek such warmth?” Inami thought to herself, not saying the second part aloud, her broken, tiny voice further muffled by Arianda’s cleavage as she leaned into the woman, her arms having found their way behind Arianda’s back, wedged between that in the chair. Inami’s soft, petite self was ice cold, and yet she continued to snuggle in.

She knew that if she wanted to truly find warmth, that she could no longer continue on as she had. That something had to change. Time and time again it had been proven to her that nothing would change if she just let things play out.

”Can I be needy?’”

Inami asked softly. Keenly aware as the sadness became less all consuming, with how incredibly needy she was being. With this awareness came an instinctive fear--that she’d simply drive this warmth away, and she’d be left with nothing but cold, cruel reality once more. That this little flickering flame would simply be snuffed out again as soon as she showed her hand.

She didn’t withdraw, she didn’t want to leave the warmth, she didn’t want to leave the feeling of acceptance and safety afforded by this embrace. Yet it was clear by how tense she was that she was afraid that this was.. a foolish interlude. That she’d blink and once more be on that street, with her mind hijacked by a pain and despair so completely consuming that nothing else had registered--not sound nor sight, or thought.

Inami was afraid, and that fear only added to the sadness that had broken her so completely.