Re: For the Satisfaction of my Soul [Cyrus/Helle]

Sun May 24, 2020 1:26 am

CYRUS

"I feel as though I am the one who should thank you, Helle."

Cyrus thought for a moment or two about what next he might say. It was more difficult with each passing moment to create much in the way of words, and in truth he doubted that he could simply allow his soul to continue to feel forever. At some point, he would need to let it all be snuffed out, but the would delay that for as long as was possible, if only to repay this woman for what she had done.

"Tell me what it is that you desire, Helle. I will provide it, no matter what you might ask."

He did not pretend to know what she might or might not ask of him. There were countless things that he suspected she might choose, but he was no longer the sort of being that could truthfully parse emotion so skillfully as to make any educated guesses on the matter. Perhaps he might have been able to logically deduce it, but he was in far too much spiritual anguish at the moment to think much on that. And, besides that, he knew that emotions were not so dictated by logic. It was one of the reasons they struck him so deeply to his core.

"You walk at my side. Do not make your decision imagining me as your superior. Make it based only on what you wish to ask of me, as one who considers himself your equal."

END POST | COME AND LOOK UPON THE HEART

Sun May 24, 2020 11:45 pm

For the Satisfaction of my Soul [Cyrus/Helle] - Page 2 ZnehDGG

Helle Armstrong

Ah. This seemed like a back and forth competition of who could be thankful the most towards the other. How many times will Helle and Cyrus admit to how much they appreciate each other before they tire of it? The answer may be never, or it could be at a time fast approaching. Who is to know? However, Helle does know that Cyrus’ act of sentimentality is soon to end, for she understands how it pains him so, and how his power fights the very notion of emotion. It saddens her, somewhat, to know that he will feel nothing near what she feels right now, but simply knowing that he would if he could is enough. Though, he soon hits her with a question that leaves her a bit lost for words. What she desires? That is a rather broad thing to request of her. There are so many answers, some easily given and others impossible to grant. The desire that instantly popped into her head, sadly, is one that is close to the impossible side of the spectrum. And, thus, she casts her head down slightly escaping from his own in deep thought, knowing that her time enjoying this moment is soon to end.

“Well, I suppose any person right now would ask for a bit more time, but I guess that’s not something we’re able to spare as easily due to circumstances. I guess, the next best thing would be to ask for more moments like this, but how I do so hate being a source of suffering for you.”

She finds herself frowning just a bit as her eyes closed as she lets her mind dig just a bit deeper to find something. Think of him as an equal? Such is easy and hard at the same time. Cyrus is a person just like her, but he carries such a burden that Helle is incapable of knowing if she could handle if she were in his shoes. How could she not see him above herself if even just by a simple steps distance? Though, that thought is what helps her form a desire that she feels fits exactly how she wants.

“Heh. Now that I think about it, think about this. I desire for you to not hide from me Azmi. Whenever you have a problem, I want to be someone you can always rely on to help with it whether it be work related or just a simple task like a confusing puzzle or figuring out what to have for lunch. Of course, I’m not asking you to share every second or minute with me, but I simply desire to be someone who you can trust wholeheartedly for anything. And, yeah. I guess that sort of falls on me to not break that trust, and I guess you’ve already told me that you trust me, but I can’t really think of anything else to ask for, so let’s just keep things the way they are between us, alright? Elder and Captain… Azmi and Helle…”

She moved her head up as her eyes opened, and she couldn’t help but blush lightly at asking for something so meager that it’s barely a wish or desire at all. Yet, her emerald eyes already seemed fulfilled enough. Though, if one looked deep, deep enough to see the very core of her soul, they may notice that small crack that wanted to ask for something particular.

Mon May 25, 2020 9:50 am

CYRUS

Cyrus allowed himself, only briefly, to siphon away a bit of the emotion he felt. He would not remove it completely, but just as he could not dishonor Helle by interacting with her only as a divine, he knew that his pain was clouding his ability to listen to her. And indeed, as he finally opened his eyes, greeted by her gaze, he felt he understood her quite more clearly. There was desire which shimmered behind those eyes, but he could not force her to tell him what it was she truly wanted. All that he could do was give her what she had asked for.

"I have taken this mantle up for the sake of others, Helle. Though I suffer physically on account of it, know that it brings me great satisfaction to offer you what happiness I may. I will offer you all that you have asked, for that much is certainly due to you. I shall bear it in mind to come to you whenever I might need a word of advice, hm?"

But this did not feel as though it was enough. He knew, even that those three requests she had made of him were not the extent of what she desired. The man could see it in her eyes, but for now all that he might do was offer her what she had requested. He hoped, in time, that she would tell him the deepest truth of the matter.

"There is still more to see in this place. More memories that I wish to share with you, if you are willing to do so. I can make no promises that I might ever offer a trip quite so important as this one, but if you desire these moments of close personal interaction, then I will certainly make time for them. This suffering is functionally neverending, after all. If I am to suffer, then I would very much like to think that my suffering is in service of your happiness."

Mm. He felt himself wondering once more what life might have been like had he met her far sooner. Perhaps more painfully, he felt...regret. The faintest touch of it. That was dangerous, quite genuinely, for such a thing was what he had promised he would never allow himself. He allowed it to be destroyed, and yet, as he continued to look into Helle's eyes, it only propagated itself. This divinity of his was a curse, this much he knew. But it had always been meant only as his own weight, and that of no other. This was not what he had intended.

END POST | COME AND LOOK UPON THE HEART

Mon May 25, 2020 10:19 am

Helle Armstrong

Does he know? She hopes he doesn’t. If anyone would have seen it, it’d be him. Though, she won’t allow her mind to acknowledge that possibility, not yet anyway. There will be a time, possibly, hopefully. Now, is not that time, not when he’s so close to returning to a state that leaves him empty inside. And, once more, Cyrus is repeating the same words he always reminds her of. She couldn’t help but let a brief giggle slip from between her lips.

“Oh, Azmi. You have a habit of repeating yourself. Come, let us continue walking down memory lane. I wish to learn more about you.”

As much as she’d like to reassure him to not worry about her happiness and relieve himself of the pain he suffers, she knows he’s far too stubborn to let himself return to that state with her around so easily. With a step to the side and a tilt of her head, Helle is quick to start dragging Cyrus once more to see more of his old home. Her curiosity is back to blazing, and if Cyrus truly wishes for her to enjoy her time here, then, she will do so.

Mon May 25, 2020 10:40 am

CYRUS

"Ah, you will have to forgive me for that. It is a bit difficult to keep track of my thoughts so cleanly as to ensure I speak them only once when in such a state as this. But I do hope, if nothing else, that my repetition assures you of my sincerity."

Offering her what could only be described as a small playful smile, Cyrus did not terribly mind in this moment the existential nightmare that was his very being. It brought him an equal joy to show her that her efforts were not for nothing.

"Come now, there is still much to see, though I must confess that I think little of this place would too terribly amaze you. Ah, and of course the sun will soon be rising higher into the sky, and it is thoroughly brutal at this time of the year. Ah, first would be the welcoming hall."

It did not bother Cyrus to be practically dragged along by the Captain. Frankly, it was somewhat admirable to see her this engaged in keeping these memories as he had asked of her. There must have been yet more he might offer her, but he was uncertain what that might be. Well, he would consider this as they walked. For now, all that he could do was blink in surprise as he saw the family portrait within the hall. Truth be told, despite knowing it would be here...it was as though its actual contents had been wiped entirely from his mind. It was strange to see it now.

"Ah...this was taken when I was quite young. You can see that my brothers are already in posession of their crosses, though I had still yet to receive mine. I was quite persistent, but mother would not allow it until I was several years older."

Indeed, the Cyrus within the painting seemed a far cry from the stern Grandmaster of today, or even the one who had first joined the Vandenreich years ago. The young boy before them seemed to have a light within his eyes that could never possibly be quenched, and his smile conveyed such an earnest happiness that it was almost surreal to imagine he would one day become this monolith of emptiness.

"They were very peaceful days."

END POST | COME AND LOOK UPON THE HEART

Mon May 25, 2020 12:27 pm

Helle Armstrong

Blah. Heat and boredom is easily dealt with, but if Cyrus is worried, then that means they just have to see all they can quickly. Helle doubted she’d get bored though. Compared to how she normally spends her days, something like this is a wanted experience.

Like Cyrus said, first is the welcoming hall. Her thoughts have already moved beyond their earlier discussion. Why think further on it when one could and should focus on the current moment? There will be plenty of time later for contemplating the desires of another and how to fulfill them, but with their time together limited as it is, only enjoyment should be shared between the two Quincy. And, what is more enjoyable than seeing a younger image of the man you have an interest in? Once Cyrus made note of the portrait, Helle found her eyes glued to it and at the smiling young image of Cyrus. Whoa. It is rather night and day isn’t it… The child in the portrait probably had no idea of what he would become. It is… sad in a way. Helle would have wanted nothing but to protect such a smile, but of course, she was not even born when Cyrus was a child. If only she could put the same smile on his face today. Maybe one day she’ll be able to, but for now, she has to be content with the small glimmers of joy he expresses.

“Well, he is a rather adorable child, and he has grown to a handsome man. One day, we’ll make days just as peaceful as then Azmi.”

She nods to herself a bit fighting back a blush as she begins to walk down the hallway. At some point, she had let his hand go, and now, her metal fingers are locked together behind her back as she trailed forward. She’d appear more girly if it wasn’t for the suit of armor she had on her body, but what is one to do?

Mon May 25, 2020 1:37 pm

CYRUS

"Ah, the Cyrus of years ago might have blushed to hear you say that, you know. For all his bravado, he fell in love quite easily, though he was certain he would choose only the perfect woman. One of his many faults, but if nothing else, it was a mark of his passion. He wished only to do right by the world."

Walking by her side, Cyrus made sure to note with each step the various trinkets and spots which marked some memory or another. The meaning behind each painting, the treasures he and his brothers had found in the sands when he was a boy, even the pillar he had, as a boy, slipped and nearly split his head in two on. It was such an odd thing, to tell these stories. He had not put much thought into a need for them ever again, and yet he felt it would be a disservice to this woman if he left even a single tale out. He stopped, once more, as he reached a window, overlooking the vastness of the desert. Below, the same small tower they had seen earlier was once more visible, and his eyes trailed to it yet again.

"It was here that I was given my purpose in life. When my brothers had passed, their bodies left upon the Tower of Silence, I could only see what I had brought upon myself. Even long after their bones had been set away, I came here to think. I felt as though, in this place, I was in some way closer to them simply by that moment. I suppose I was but reminiscing too much."

END POST | COME AND LOOK UPON THE HEART

Mon May 25, 2020 4:00 pm

Helle Armstrong

Stories told of events held. That is what this trip is all about, yes? Helle listens intently to every word that Cyrus feels worth speaking, every story he remembers. Nearly every nook and cranny around the two holds some form of importance to her Elder whether he remembers it clearly or not. That is one of the many things that makes this trip so heartfelt. Helle knows not when Cyrus will have something to tell her about maybe a random pillar he ran into, a window he almost fell out of, etc. Helle feels envious of Cyrus. Maybe a bit of anger grew within her heart as well for his actions as an adult. Knowing that he feels nothing from his memories wounds her because she has no memories like his. She had no family. She had no siblings to miss. She did not have a castle to run around and play it. No. She only had herself and a legacy to uphold as the last Armstrong. And yet, she has the same wants as Cyrus. Funny how people who have entirely different pasts could come together for one common goal.

“You should never forget them Cyrus. Even if they’re no longer here, remember them, for you had something that others may not have had. Don’t ever forget that.”

Helle allowed herself to look out towards the tower that Cyrus focused on. That must be the Tower of Silence. She didn’t say anything for a while, lost in thought about the information told to her. Though, when she did move, her hand moved to Cyrus’ chest, right over his heart. She looked right at his chest with a tilt of her head hoping to feel his heartbeat.

“They’re right here, your brothers are. They’re forever in your heart. Even if you feel nothing, they are still there. It is not a fault to fall in love easily. Heh… Well, maybe I’m just saying that because I may be the same as your younger self, but I think it’s a wonderful thing to be able to love and feel loved.”

She ends it at that however and turns away from him. The air about her seemed to shift a bit as if she’s holding back something, but she doesn’t wait for Cyrus to question her, for she is already walking away.

Tue May 26, 2020 10:54 am

CYRUS

"I have done my best to keep their memory, even now when I feel nothing of it. I know that it would be a disservice to them were I to forget. It would be going against the promise I made long ago, and I am a man of my word."

He thought perhaps to say that one day he might feel again, that he could once more grieve for them. But he knew the full scope of the plan that he and Shirohime had begun to craft. Cyrus knew, quite fully, that if his work was truly brought to fruition, he would never have such a degree of humanity again. He knew that it was for the greater good, and that it was the only moral right he could pursue. But, even so, he could not help but lament that it was not a perfect course of action. That it would hurt...at least one individual.

"I imagine that it certainly is. The Cyrus who once was thought that he had fallen in love, but he was not much fond of it. I think, looking back, that it was not any such thing. There was no depth of his emotion. A surface-level admiration, and a physical attraction. To love is far greater than something so simple as that."

Though Helle walked away, Cyrus simply walked after her, and once more found himself at her side.

"It is out of love that I have chosen this path. It is out of love that I choose all paths. Tell me, Helle, what do you believe love is?"

END POST | COME AND LOOK UPON THE HEART

Tue May 26, 2020 11:58 am

Helle Armstrong

“Love…”

Helle finds herself getting lost in thought again worrying over such a simple request. Doesn’t she already know the answer to this? Will Cyrus agree with her? Conflicting thoughts that shouldn’t even matter run through her head as they walk. Helle has never felt love. When she was growing up, she thought only of herself, improving herself until she was satisfied with what she achieved. The Elders around meant nothing to her in emotional terms. They were just figures that boosted her own cockiness. It wasn’t until she had met children much like herself that she had wanted more than just self-satisfaction. She wanted everyone to look at her and see something amazing. That road left her alone and bitter until she worked herself ill just for their acceptance.

Her thoughts move to her time away from the Vandenreich, the time she spent growing, not only in power, but as a person. Heh. With her short history, Cyrus should be the one telling her all about love and emotions, but here they are: one blossoming emotionally while the other fights just to feel at all.

“Love is powerful. It is a sacrifice. It is comforting. It is dangerous. It is similar to hatred and jealousy. If not controlled, it can become something even worse. One should not so easily be blinded by it I suppose, for they may do something that even the most vile would never commit.”

That is all she has to say on that subject as they continue walking.

“And please, stop referring to your past self in the third person. Even if that you is no more, it still was you, Azmi, and I would think it better for you to acknowledge such.”