What's my purpose

Dropping her hand from her collar, Ceal looked at the girl harshly. All pretense and outward appearances of her jolly side were all but gone. She was in a rather serious mode now, especially since Ritsuko brought up the seal in such light-hearted, nonchalant behavior. She frowned at her, her visage both disapproving and concerned, albeit slightly.

”...No, no that's alright. I don't need nor want a nickname,” She said, her voice far more flat than she originally intended it to be, sounding frank, emotionless, or just flat out rude. She didn't mean it of course, but was having a moment with herself at the situation she was in at the moment.

She looked at the girl hard. Trying to see something about her that was seemingly extraordinary. She was even able to discern the other smell that was mixed with the taint of the seal of eris on her body as well. She knew that smell very well, so much so she was mentally facepalming she didn't sense it before. It was that wolf: Mirja. Time and again they have had interactions together. Her, Ceal, and Arianda, all three of them had something of a hsitory. It wasn't a thick between Ceal and Mirja, but there have been some moments Ceal was not proud to relive. The feeling of vulnerability. The feeling of helplessness, and the weakness that came from her rather unique demonic traits. Mirja had abused that, taken advantage of not only that but Ceal's trust in her too.

Even though thinking of that irritated her, upset her greatly, she willed it away from her mind, instead looking at the girl. Ceal's eyes narrowed with another complex expression. As Ritusko spoke, the nonsense only became worse and worse as the darker side of Ceal violently flared up from within her. With it, her power also decided to manifest itself. It wasn't visible at first, just a feeling of intense static, an excited air permeated from Ceal's body. Clothes could cling to flesh, hairs could stand on end, finger tips numb. When ritsuko was finally done, Ceal replied.

”To be honest, this is not something you should be told,” She said, her words dark and laced with venom. ”You should already be feeling it. Do you know what this is? It is a direct link to the very goddess of calamity” She said, looking down on where the one she has was placed, the small of her stomach. It's pink-purplish glow rather visible through her shirt now as it's energy began to flow into herself, the madness of it's power picking at the edges of Ceal's mind. She had to fight back that tinge of insanity, that feeling of wanting to laugh uncontrollably, to defile everything in site, spout profanities and break things. The seal assaulted her with these contingent thoughts, these feeling she knew were never her own, never a path she would have taken otherwise.

”What do you have that you think makes you special, immune to the negative effects this seal is proven to have, huh?” Ceal continued on, her anger blowing up in a fit of self-created rage. It doubled up on itself, fueling itself as she took a step forward. With that step, visible tendrils of black lightning could be seen emanating from her foot, sparking and crackling upwards, coiling violently around it's master. Ceal's frown became more prevalent as she closed the distance between her an the Quincy. ”There is no escape from this madness. You think you got some form of incorruptible willpower? You think you have what it takes to control, to conquer something this big above yourself?!” The vemon continued, the insults only grew in ferocity. Now that she was a mere 6 inches from the girl, her hand smashed into the tree with such force that her clawed hand drove into it's bark, into it's base with a sickening crunch.

Her face nearly completely contorted in anger, the one visible eye Ceal had that shown past her bangs was completely red. Her fanged teeth grinding together as she nearly looked like an entirely different person, sounded like an entirely different person. It was the budding of a monster, a newborn unable to control their power, control their emotions or there own destructive tendencies.

”Just look at me!” She nearly screamed, straining herself to hold back. Her body was trembling now with a complex set of anger, self-regret, resignation, loathing. ”I... can't control this. I... do everything I can to simply avoid murdering someone. I do everything in my power to resist the urge to lose my mind.” She said, her voice cracking from straining herself not to scream, her tainted electricity violently arcing off from her body, narrowing avoiding the quincy in some cases. ”If this is not what you want. Then you better find someone who can remove it. For me.. it's too late, it's too late to back now. I'm so far in too deep. You.. still have a chance, if this isn't what you wanted then your time is limited. Using this seal for good? That's.. well, that's just fucking HILARIOUS. This is the very embodiment of evil. I realized far too late, my perspective on what is good and bad is already destroyed. I don't even know left from right anymore.”

Still only inches from her, Ceal's hand still buried into the trunk right next to the Quincy's head she continued to look into her eyes with the one that was visible. The darkness of the woods playing interesting tricks with shadows and lighting on her face, making it seem even more menacing than it already was.

"And believe me when I say this. ...It's tempting, it's so very tempting to want to lose my mind. The insanity calls to me, everywhere I go, everything I do. Sleeping or awake. It calls to me, It breaks my resistance down until I crumble in a mess of the person I used to be. In those moments the only soothing I get is from it's sickening call, it's incessant harrying, day after day! It's so disburbingly lovely in those times. I want to give into it, I... really want to give into it. But There is one thing, just one thing that keeps me from imploding and self destructing," She finished, finally saying with a forced smile, one that looked like it was hurting her face, her teeth still grinding as she talked through them.

Even as this rage still flowed through her, even as she keenly watched the changes in Ritusko's face, Ceal was still keenly aware of where she was, what she was doing. Ceal didn't want to act like this, she didn't want to feel like this at all! No, this was something that she couldn't help, even though she wanted to. Any other day, or any other time, back when Ceal didn't have this seal? She'd never in a million years behave in such a ferocious manner. She wouldn't ever have done it then, but now, it felt far too right for her. It felt good; to be angry, to lose her mind.

Ritsuko flinched at her hand. That was nice, it showed the kind of emotion she wanted to get out of her. To savor it, to bask in more of that ever so small taste of dismay, or disdain or whatever it might have been. She resisted the urge to grin, to smile so wide that her face would break! She wanted her to know the true feeling of the cursed seal she bore, the true face of evil, of madness, of all the things in between.

After her speech, her screams at the girl, Ceal found herself huffing. It was a heavy breathing that sounded nearly like a beast, her chest rising and falling with each sharply deeply breath she took. Still, the monster felt that her point had been driven home. All the while still staring at Ritsuko in the eyes, scrutinizing everything about her, she pulled her clawed hand from the tree with a jerk. With just one step back, she rose her hand and looked at it. Nails that stretched into claws, blackened skin on her hand and forearm where the seal kept it from being harmed. The faint purple energy coiling around it as it did her whole body. Her other hand did not look like this, but of course Ceal didn't want that one to. She willed the Seal to make this one stronger so when she struck, she couldn't hurt herself.

Looking from her hand, back to Ritsuko, she spoke again. ”But I never said it didn't give power. If you want it at any cost, you would get it. You would spend your sanity for power. That's how it is,” Ceal's voice was soft, but flat. The furious tempest of anger was quickly burning out as she was left with nothing. Even her face, stoned and emotionless as it was, bore only a slight hint of melancholy. Ceal was over it, but would Ritsuko be? What did she have planned for her future?

Maybe, their fates would be tied together. Maybe Ceal would not feel so alone with this feeling. Ceal ached for that, but she would convince herself over and over again that it was undeserved. She knew all too well that it was too late for her, she even told Ritsuko that, too.

The darkness in Ceal was immediately strongly considering this, dark Ceal was wanting, demanding that this girl be part of her, in some way. It was a carnal hunger that arose within her so quickly and so abruptly that it took her completely by surprise. She only had a moment to consider this as Ritsuko got up, and quickly closed the distance between the two of them and hug Ceal, tears streaming down her face.

This was... a moment, to say the least.

Ceal didn't even have the time for herself to be shocked over what her mind was thinking about, owning this girl, possessing this girl like Mana did her. Though her face didn't show it, even Ritsuko hugging her was a wombo-combo to her emotions. They made her feel in ways she wanted to lock away, but the darkness also felt too. The selfish tendrils of that sickly black void were agitated, filling Ceal's head with illusions of possible futures, of possible outcomes. Some were thoughtful, others chilling, and some were outright horrifying.

There were many thoughts going through Ceal's mind right then, but instead she shook her head, as if trying to shake off the thoughts physicallly and simply let Ritsu-chan hug her.