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May I ask why the first GM he got is being requested to be lowered. His Zanjutsu: Grand Master was requested to be dropped to Master due to consistency. If it's due to him having too many wouldn't taking away Hoho or General speed be enough? As for the 0-1 thing, I will add the form back into the app if that's alright. Originally Frost had designed the Core of the one world to be a stabilizing element and let Tsubasa manage his power. The tachyon which was what I said pushed that form out more as he grew unstable. The sword was meant to take its place basically. I can readd it to the app. Just putting this up the training threads will take place after I am done with this. I have someone who will be helping me with them so I am not doing them alone.

Forsaken Crow wrote:May I ask why the first GM he got is being requested to be lowered. His Zanjutsu: Grand Master was requested to be dropped to Master due to consistency. If it's due to him having too many wouldn't taking away Hoho or General speed be enough? As for the 0-1 thing, I will add the form back into the app if that's alright. Originally Frost had designed the Core of the one world to be a stabilizing element and let Tsubasa manage his power. The tachyon which was what I said pushed that form out more as he grew unstable. The sword was meant to take its place basically. I can readd it to the app. Just putting this up the training threads will take place after I am done with this. I have someone who will be helping me with them so I am not doing them alone.

I was the one who wrote that part and the inconsistent wasn't having too much GMs it was because you had first gotten your GM in speed and then Hoho in which makes sense, however to them the GM in Zanjutsu didn't make sense to the skills you were raising. If you wanted my personal poinion I wouldn't mind letting you keep it however it was a major rule decision, I will go and talk to them again if it does make you uncomfortable, but please give me some good reasons in which why Tsubasa should have this skill as a grandmaster.

On to point two. Even if you were to add the release back in, it was temporarily approved a 0-1 tier for that thread. As you can see in the upgrade thread Frost has used the words "for now" or other words of similar concepts in which I can understand the confusion. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

As a side note while we are checking this app, due to the size and the fact that you were one of our well respected members on our site a few of us are checking it at once to quicken things up. I hope you do not mind.

[adm]We discussed things even further and the removal of GM in Zanjutsu is no longer needed as it has been switched with the GM in speed. Both staff and Crow have agreed to this decision.[/adm]

First post has been finished I would like to be let know if it's good..as I have to write the other stuff from scratch and would rather not lose my momentum when I get there.

Here is the first Page Check! Once again it wasn't just one staff member working on it, so sorry for the delay.

Warriors Focus:

Here are the issues I have with this passive. There are too many definites stating that Tsubasa can simply deny attacks if he’s standing still. Say that he has the ability to predict oncoming attacks and that it is flawed, no character can just instantly discern what an attack is, deflect it and do it a thousand times more in a row. State that even small movements of his body can throw off this focus due to how much he’s focusing in on a single aspect. This is also something that would leave him open for an attack if he were fighting two opponents at once, he doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head. If it was more than a single opponent, I can’t imagine anyone being able to focus on something they cannot see.

Accelerated Learning:

Okay, uh. The idea of this passive isn’t wrong, but the issue here is that you’re not really explaining how Tsubasa was able to pick up on things. A few sentences saying he was really good at learning here and there and then talking about an incident at the age of eight doesn’t validate this type of ability. As it stands, it isn’t anything broken I just need it to be written as to where it actually makes sense to be named Accelerated Learning. Stating he can do this this and this while also explaining that it's a trait that has always been within the boy, only growing stronger as he aged.

Electric Control:

Alright… So the overall issue with this passive is that… It doesn’t actually read the way it should under a name such as “Electric Control”. The previous ability, even though we had issues with it, could have been reworked to fix any qualms that we as a staff had with it. The newly written version has an issue in that it doesn’t actually describe Electric Control. It says his body is like an Electric Eel but not everyone knows how they produce electricity. Please state how Tsubasa is able to produce this electricity and say how he controls it. Does he simply wield it without reiatsu? Is he able to use his own spiritual energy to move it this way or that? Elaborate on those types of things so we’re able to approve the ability.

Metal Control:

The overall issue with this ability is that Tsubasa can create metals in mass from a single piece of metal. You aren’t elaborating on the fact of how he’s creating this metal nor have you stated that the larger an amount of metal the longer/heftier the cost. The way you wrote this ability makes it Metal Creation, not Control. Those are two different concepts. One is a manipulation, the other is a creation.

Fading:

This needs reworked entirely. The thirty post thing is a simple no. No one can stay invisible to the eye for thirty posts straight for people not on their tier level. For a 0-1-, this ability causes him to not be seen by ANYONE that isn’t 0-1- and not his friend/ally. That’s a no no. Remove all these absolutes and allow this power to be worked around. We don’t deal in absolutes on PH, you know that.

Master Swordsman:

“He's capable of making his weapon feel heavier or lighter on a whim. It's a passive skill due to just the sheer amount of skill the man has with a sword that he is capable of bringing even some true greats down to their knee's. Tsubasa isn't new to the world of fighting and taking things that he wants. Tsubasa's swordsmanship allows him to copy things he see's through his advanced learning of just watching things. It normally takes him a couple posts to figure out a method to do things that shock and wow the people around him. “
-As asked before there isn’t any real reason on why he can change the weight to it. Seeing how he can control metal it would make sense if he can literally add metal (ike taking metal from an outside source and merging it with it) to his sword creating that heavy feeling however without changing the sword itself. you can’t really make a sword feel heavier. If you didn’t like the metal idea there is the point in which he can add more pressure using his arms to make it feel heavier as what most people do in fights however it does have a huge draw back as you continue the motion if someone were to slip away. ex. Adding pressure downwards on someone’s sword, if they angled their sword, the pressured force would make you follow the downwards motion. You’d be able to recover a bit faster but that is something that gets harder to control the stronger you are.

Also the thing about your character learning an ability in a couple (most often two) posts seems a tad.. farfetch. I can understand him getting the jist of it after a couple posts but he wouldn't have mastered it, and the way you word it; Tsubasa seems to master it and then make it better. Which is something it really shouldn’t be just a couple of posts for. For him to master something I feel like he’d need at least a trainning thread with that style; with that it shown that he understands it and can be applied.

Enhanced Spiritual Pressure:

Try to get to the point with the passives that you’re creating that are new. For instance, a majority of what’s written here is simply talking about how massive and strong the pressure is. It isn't actually give example to the ability plus it's not something that’s really going to be used in a destructive manner against others. Generally, a 0-1- isn’t fighting 3 tiers. Less of the storytime and more of the straight to the point sentences. Remove excess fluff here and say that this ability only truly pertains to not hurting others in casual threads and that it isn’t able to just flatten those near his tier. IE: High 1 tiers to 0 tiers.

Killer Intent:

First off, this ability is difficult to understand. Secondly, the ability doesn’t exactly make very much sense. Is this purely just an aura that lets people know he’s powerful, or does it have an actual effect on people? It says that it uses a person’s power against them to see more… But how would this matter or affect them? This simply seems like an ability to seem scary, and with the explanation given, it’s hard to make sense of the rest that’s being stated.

Kidō/Energy/Metal

Metal Cage:

Um, I can see what you were going for as shutting down one of your abilities so that it can balance out the outcome however the ability you choose to shut down is an EVENT ONLY power. Meaning that this trade off is only effective in an event only, the rest of the time it’s just him finding rare metals of creating them. But a natural limiter to this would be the metal resources around him since as mentioned in one of your other checks, he manipulates metals he doesn’t necessarily create them out of thin air. However stated in your other power you couldn’t transmute a metal into a different type of metals so there is some inconsistencies there.
In other words, Tsubasa wouldn’t be able to create MORE metal than what was previously there, meaning that if you are looking for a good limiter in itself would be the limit of metal in the battlefield. I.E. There were only 20 tons of Iron in the battle field; his dome would be worth 20 tons of Iron, and each time he creates something from the 20 ton dome it removes parts of the cage. Meaning there could be a hole here and there if he is careless of what he uses or does.

Railgun:

I’ll ignore the fact that you literally copied your old power and just added stuff at the end when we had problems with the original part to begin with. A big problem is that this is a very very powerful railgun, meaning that there should be some huge limiters on it, while it was great you wrote some on the ammo in which you can use the limiters written are still very vague. Even your smallest amount of power is still very powerful. Which you can keep it that powerful however he is capable of shooting this where ever he wants since he doesn’t need to be in contact with the object and there is no limiter on how long the railgun gets to stay for; or if there is even a recharge to this ability. If you want the ability to be extremely strong you are required to make the application of the ability i.e. Touching it to activate, requiring certain events to happen, ect. and the cost which you did involve within your post. Meaning that you have a medium rate cost, and hugely rated power scale, with barely any application. So all I ask is for you to change that he doesn’t have to be in contact with it, or make it that he has to be connected to it in some shape or form and then add a limit on how many times he can use it. I. E. He can only do a large scale attack once and then wait two to three posts. or he can only attack with the railgun four to five times in a thread. I made up these numbers, but these were examples to give you an idea.

Lighting Armor:

I have a few concerns with this ability when it comes to drastically raising three statistics at the same time for very little cost associated with it and no listed drawback. It also seems to raise the potency of his shunpo which in turn makes Tsubasa not only faster without shunpo, but faster with shunpo as well. There needs to be limits associated with such an ability, such as a length or time, or an associated cost that prevents this ability from being perma-active because at this point, Tsubasa could just have this on all the time for a permanent increase of a drastic level. Adding a cool down such as once a thread or a cost such as exhaustion for pushing himself to such lengths to activate this ability after a certain amount of posts.

Pure Lighting:

Other than the mistakes such as grammar or spelling within this ability there are some things that raises a few questions. From the description of the ability it says that he doesn’t use this in battle which is indeed nice, so that means you are using this as only a means of traveling to one place to another. However you have to be careful this this idea, as you turning into lightning essentially mean that you are going to be moving at the rate of C (the speed of light) there are many grand master speed characters who can do this without stacking abilities or even cause to themselves. If you purely us this as a reason of travel or it’s a ability he can only use to leave threads or join them, I wouldn’t mind however seeing this in actual battle makes me a bit iffy.

Hakuda

Kinetic Fist:

I wouldn’t mind this ability if he was a master in this tier however unlike his swordsmanship/weapon skill however his Hakuda is only Advance so him having the strength of his weapon kinetic style wouldn’t even make sense. Perhaps lowering the damage of this ability would make more sense to is skill tiers as of now. You may try to update this another time when his Hakuda is more than just advance.

Shunpo

Presence Shunpo:

Rework this so it fits in line to the previous FADING Ability that I requested to be fixed/reworked.

All were taken care via deletion

Alright the Zanpakutō is done..I am going to die now..