A King's Will (Open)

“..Sorry?. . You are sorry?”

Animum’s voice was a whisper, the quivering pain raw in her heart. Blossomed was the fragments of glass that she was picking up, the pieces of her reality, the certainty gone. The love was only confusion, and the outlook on the world was diminished in tones of grey and black. The pain was all consuming, it was beyond comprehension. Yet it wasn’t the raw pain that hurt her so much, it was the confusion, the sense of betrayal with the people that had caused her to become what she was. Why was the world so cruel? She had often wondered as she traversed hell, or floated in the skies, a broken being on broken wings, without any hope of redemption. She clawed herself from the inside out, clawing for hope, clawing for salvation for so long, until she had been thrown into freefall. Here she was falling endlessly, without the emotions of hope or love, only sadness, only confusion. Her life was in shambles, her optimism was non existence. It wasn’t as if she wished to be this way, it was simply she did not know how to be anything other than what she was, a being that was jet black, the darkness beyond anything comprehension. . .

The world was cold, it was cruel, it had unexpected curve balls that had continued to shatter her. Break her, bend her and snap her. Drive her to insanity to only bring her to sanity, to then break her again. All the lies she was told with good intent, had turned into the very barbs that now had sunk into her soul and refused to be pulled out again. How many times had she looked up at a sky that was full of stars and wondered why she was unable to be like those stars, which had been infinitely far from her, and from each other, yet glowing brilliantly without a care in the world. Now she didn’t even have those stars, and she looked into her past, to a easier time. When her pain was physical, when she did not have to worry about who cared about her and who hated her. When she was simply a naive girl to the horrors of the outside world, when she would be able to fall in love, when she was able to hate things superficially without feeling how it hollowed a being out, turning her from a solid pillar of certainty, to a card board box, so easily blown in the winds of doubt.

Falling further than ever, never able to get a grip, she had been in a downward spiral, her life was in shatters, no one loved her. Everyone who knew her thought she was either insane, incompetent or hated her guts. She simply was abandoned by the world, and yet that was not what cut her the most. It was the futility of it all, the way that the world seemed to want to purge her, to make her hate herself so much that she simply ended up erasing herself from this sad, and miserable place. Yet as the pain in her heart continued to shred her emotions she had heard dayalu as he talked about how he was sorry for the pain. That caused her head to tilt back, the laughter that bubbled from her mouth echoing like thunderclaps. Louder and louder, unsteady and unstable. It was insanity, but an insanity that was born by nurture not nature. Her laughter dry and raspy, some how broken and hollow. It was not a joyous laugh it was a laugh of someone who was merely laughing at the pain that was brought upon her.

Yet out of all of her actions, the anger, the madness, the ability to turn everything this man loved into ashes, she did not take those options. Merely as she continued laughing her tears came, her sorrow , the weight crashing down like the world was atop her shoulders. She had curled up, her hair cascading in a curtian around her frame, curving around her neck and down her shoulders. The wings she possessed growing until they encompassed her entire being and she had only then allowed her voice to come out as anything but monotone, it came out as broken, because ultimately thats what she really was.

“..It’s okay . . I’m used to it after all. . .”

She said softly, almost too soft to hear.


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“Break it. . .?”

Animum hear the words, as if they had been sweet nothings whispered in her ear; lovely to hear but . . .also she wasn’t getting her hopes up. It wasn’t as if she didn’t trust dayalu however, he didn’t know the demons that she had been battling recently, how every day she could feel that demonic tension inside of her growing more and more. How long had it been since she had been able to merely sleep without the images. Without the bodies that bled, the blood that threatened to swallow her up, it all was still there. Nothin had changed, infact it was getting worse so even now as she heard those words she would merely had . . stopped even as the wind increased around her causing the wind to flow, her hair billowing out like a golden curtain even as her feet inevitably left the ground. Her expression would have been hidden, but oh how it had darkened after the male had said that he “needed” to figure out what needed to be done. Not many knew of her other then she came and went from hell as she pleased, despite not being a demon.

Peculiarly enough he wouldn’t fight him though on this, instead as reality came crashing down, she understood just. . the futility of all of this. She had rebelled and tried to become better . . Until her past had inevitably caught up with her. She had tried to be good, and even trained someone on how to be stronger. She had her heart broken, and promises had been abandoned which was why even now as she was hovering on the wind her bare feet softly chilled by the tempest . . she felt nihilism in its entirety. That her own actions in the grand scheme of things had only been well . . a child throwing a tantrum in a sense, she had rebelled, she had destroyed, she had done practically everything she was not supposed to do. Maybe that was why day in and day out she felt herself fall a little further in the abyss that she often gazed upon without curiosity.

She knew what lurked in it’s depths, but even now she didn’t quite know why she bothered with it all. She was a being in statis, just repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Her eyes shifting as she gently glanced at dayalu, and thought. . “Maybe this has meaning to it. “ even as the voice in the back of her head ultimately told her that it was pretty much p.o.i.n.t.l.e.s.s to bother anymore; the same voice that also said that it had been a mistake to accept this mans help. People like her , didn’t generally associate with people like him, it was as simple as that, he brought hope to everyone and anyone he met; she on the other hand did nothing but cause despair to everyone that she knew, that was just how she was, and how she probably would be for eternity.

However even with all those thoughts moving through her head, she thought .. . Well that this wasn’t so bad, staying here and recovering and learning just who she was. Even if the connection with despair was never fully severed, she would bit by bit relearn what it meant to just be herself, rather than be this being that she was created for.

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