Where do I belong?

So I have done lots of thinking, and I think its time I come clean. I know this happens every so often but this time its gotten really bad. Last night I thought about quitting the site. I know I say that sometimes but last night I really meant it. I love you guys, and this place is really like a second home for me, but things have just been weighing very heavy on my mind lately.

I just dont know where I belong on this site. I always feel like no one cares about me. I feel like im the butt of everyones jokes. No one listens to me. No one takes me seriously. No one wants to RP with me. I know some of you have heard those complaints a few times over the years for me, but it always seems to be true for me. My desire for RP often goes ignored, and if something does happen, to me it seems halfhearted and like the other person, or persons, just dont want to be there. I really feel like im just here, being left alone in my little corner and when I try to do something people just go like "Thats nice" nod, wave, and just wait for me to leave them alone.

I know sometimes I can be annoying, but im really just trying to get feedback on my stuff, from someone, anyone. I want to know that im being taken seriously and that I really do belong here. But so often my messages go ignored, go un answered, my threads go unfinished. Im constantly out of the loop of what is going on at the site, even when things relevant to my characters happen, no one even takes a second to let me know. I really just think that no one wants me here, and im just here to be humored and made fun of. Usually im okay at jokes at my expense, everyone is fair game, but sometimes it gets old and does bother me. Couple that with my thoughts of not being wanted and it feels like im just being pushed away by people.

I dont mean to cause drama on here, but this is how I really feel. And I dont want people to make jokes on here. I really want to be serious.

Every time I leave for a few months and come back the site is just so different, and everytime i feel like so much more is expected from me. While I have improved, and im told that im much better at RPing than what I think I am, it feels that everyone, including new members are so much better than I am. When I post, even if I am happy with it, I cant help but notice how different my posts are to everyone elses. They look so short, plain, boring, mediocre, and just below the quality that I think is expected from me. This goes on to reinforce what I think people dont RP with me. Im just not good enough. When I ask people to tell me how they think I did on something few people respond. When I have ideas no one seems to want to hear them. It just makes me feel like im just worthless on here.

I try to get the plots for my characters going, but no one is ever interested. I cant join others because I dont know what anyone else is doing. I dont join missions or events because whenever I join them they all seem to just tank from that point on.

Now Im just sitting here. Waiting to see what people think of me. I just want to know that I belong here. That I have some purpose. That I have some use. That I have some worth.

I just want to know I'm part of the family. That im not alone.

Hey man, I've been here like 2 weeks or so and I feel the same way. I have no ill bearings to anyone on the site however. People tend to get busy and get absorbed into other things. Some people have known each other for a longer period of time and its human nature to stick to those people. It is not their fault, people can only handle or maintain so much. I don't think they also make a point of making sure no new member gets buddy with them. They're not bullies or anything.

I also feel like an outsider and finding RP'er topics or partners to join difficult. I have asked a few and joined a few but no progress. I feel like its because people are busy, get into other things or simply forget about it.

The question still remains, I am looking for Roleplayer partners and I'd love to get into a thread and topic with you. I also invite any other member who feels like they are out of place or have no one to role play with to join the two of us.