In the House of the Setting Sun [PRIVATE]

”..Crack”

little by little the cracks began to grow, the cracks in her psyche, the imminent collapse of her mind was coming even closer, because as she saw those images behind him, carter and kayta. both of them had been standing there, and yet on their faces, such a look of disgust of revulsion was there, that is caused the cracks to widen, to deepen in her mind even as she was trying to hold onto the last shred of hope she had, because without it she would fall further than she ever had before, fall into the darkest night, the inevitable blackness of her soul that lurking beast that she never wanted to come out again. Because of that she was slowly crumbling, her body shivering with the cold that had settled over her heart, and her mind, as sunshine used her thoughts and her hopes against her, as his twisted words entered her mind.

”..Stop..”

Animum mumbled as she watched those faces contorting, shifting and altering in the wretched glowing pool of blood that had surrounded those two shadows, the images of kayta and carter as they began to leave her, that caused her even more pain, more suffering as she could feel herself fragmenting apart as the memories continued to flow through her body, and yet? She would on some level still fight as through her body there would be a battle taking place, carter had put something inside her, a way to find hope even in the darkness, and that power would be radiating outwards, it would begin to beat back against the insanity that sunshine had wished to impose on her, had wished to use and forcibly take into her to control her, and if he didn’t do anything about the angels influence there would be probably no chance to break into the inner sanctum of her thoughts, the one place that the madness hadn’t encroached.

”..No..”

Her words had been soft but she would have taken a step back, her head tilting from one side to the other, shaking as she wanted nothing more then the nightmare to end, she wanted to be able to control her own life but still there was this acrid stench. How the darkness was wriggling within her mind, further goaded to grow by sunshine's soft words. His crooning words that promised her true freedom if she only accepted with her entire being this religion that made her body. As his hands stroked the mark that undeniably bound her to him, the body that had been the perfect achievement in the religion that was khalaism, she was a breathing feat, a creation and a tool to some extent, but now? She could feel it the void that was her body, the void that was her spirit’s essence? It had begun to boil forth in response to her insecurities, as even with the ability to banish despair through that gift from the angel she had met on that snowy day?

Still the mind was an unstable thing, able to retain emotion even in the moments of collapse , and instead of collapse here? It would be that she would have felt the void rise up, her mental computation bringing to the forefront the ability to create nothingness, that was the ability that was brought out now the corrosive raw energy boiling outwards just enough that to cross this point? Sunshine would need to break her mind, given her energy at the point would be too volatile to shut off through their normal connection. Instead animum would stand there as the confliction between hope and despair was raging through her body, A conflict that would cause the energy to continue to grow until it radiated roughly 50 meter’s around her body, the normal coloration of her wings dyed black by the void itself.

”..Am i really no good anywhere else?”

Animum had mumbled as she tilted her head to the side, given in the state of her mind the confliction between these two completely contrary concepts had caused her to enter a state atleast for now of pure indifference. it wasn’t that she wasn’t mentally ripping herself apart at this point, instead it was that as the void created a physical barrier, her mind was still on the verge of collapse given there was still the fragmentations of structure and order within her hope , and rational mind. The images that she saw while painful had been dulled down to a minor ache, there still wasn’t just enough raw pain to cause her mind to completely collapse yet, and from that? She would have parted her lips and said slowly.

”. . . I wonder what the bottom will look like. “

”.. You. . . “

Animum’s voice had been strained as in her mind? What sunshine thought to be merely breaking her illusions had done something more, much more, and that was it had caused a dangerous overload of the two conflicting concepts, sometimes she could feel warm, other times she felt cold, mostly she stood there unable to process either. Because the advent of despair was merely staring forward at sunshine her head cocked quizzically to the side for the moment, as with how she was behaving it was clear to see she was reverting to one of her more cardinal expressions which was the flatness, the pure despair that radiated out from her as she truly contemplated this, the foundations of hope that had been laid in her psyche had still been there, but they had been overwhelmed by this eternal darkness which had no end and no beginning, it had been overwhelmed so completely and utterly that when sunshine had been speaking? Yes the advent of despair had listened but at the same time she was taking it in with a grain of salt.

”..Free?”

She contemplated the thought of freedom, how truly this was beyond the hell that she had been in every moment of her life, she had worried that if she was ever taken back after knowing hope she would fall into the darkness and this time she would fall further than ever before, that there would be no bouncing back from it and there would only be an abyss that would have no end and no beginning, and right now? She wasn’t seeing sunshine or the mountain she was seeing the darkness that lay behind her eyelids, she was seeing the cracks of decay and discord that framed her mind, and she was seeing sunshine, not as a savior, not as her benefactor yet, given she was in the abyss all those darkened emotions the rage that had come back with her hope, the insanity that lay dormant from her betrayal, all these fresh emotions slammed into her and caused her to shift forward, of course she wouldn’t.. Hurt sunshine but as the man prattled and prattled she would have felt her head tilting further and further, he spoke prettily about ideals, and she had wondered if this religion might have an answer but for her?

” i can fly? On what wings, mine have been clipped since long ago.”

She wasn’t talking literally, she was speaking of the mental strain that she had left behind over the existance of her host. Yes she was what sunshine considered to be his own personal angel, and she was the last living connection to such an unholy level of despair outside of the denizens of hell, or the davana themselves, and because of that in terms of what was going on it might be true that she was in some ways an angel waiting to be raised up into the skies once more, but if she had to choose? She’d rather continue to stare into the abyss without any help, without any love, without the attachments that allowed her mind to become so warped, and distorted so contorted and demented, her body was obviously part of khalaism and her mind was in a state that while she was unlike most not covered in the oils that remade individuals into the molded version of the khalaist society she was a part of it all the same.

Once upon a time she ran from that, she had hated it and when sunshine had turned his back? She had vanished and ran, there was now changing it, and she didn’t feel sorry for doing it. Because at the time she hadn’t felt comfortable with the concept of being the being of despair, she had still known those happy times which she had been able to scrape out in her life. Though she did wonder what did those happy thoughts get her? Well they had gotten her here, and because of that she honestly had been puzzled, especially when the mirrors went up and she could only see herself, the monstrosity that was her. How her wings had been stained by the void, and how her body was glowing like a star of pure darkness, and that didn’t disgust her it merely made her feel hollow inside as she had released energy each of the mirrors shattering as she stared at them.

”..You are right i do hate myself, unfortunately. “

Animum had said as she had brought her hand against her own arm, slowly dragging her fingers into the flesh, pulling out tendon and nerves, tugging them out with a joy enjoying the pain that brought her more clarity then anything that the man had said, as his words and the pull of his calling was going against her she still had something greater to give than that seductivity and that? That was pain, and so with a procession of crunches and twists the advent of despair was leasurely ripping her own arm apart as she listened, dropping bits of tendon on the ground before her body slowly would begin to reform, electrons pulling the broken bits back together until the entire arm was whole. Her eyes lingering on sunshine while all she would do was pick up a shard of glass and grasp it, digging the shards into her palm as she deliberated each of his words.

”. . . .the void?.. How would i go about ending this pain? “

She would inquire her eyes remaining on sunshine, such dead eyes that had dulled due to the emptiness that now lingered inside, waiting for an answer that would either bring her to accept or neglect what he was saying.

“The darkness?”

Animum asked silently, as she cocked a brow. She hadn’t thought of it that way, or rather hadn’t needed to think about it that way. Given over the years she had just been taking the pain and stuffing it down, further and further until it became a pure pitch-black oozing mass in the center of her chest that would never go away. Now sunshine, seemed to think that through “faith” or in this case what ever he was trying to show her, would be enough to vanquish the agony that stemmed from thousands of different memories, instead of just merely one. Yet Animum thought, if that was possible. . . Then why not let the man do it? To be free from pain would to be free from this monstrousity that was the weight of her sorrow, her sense of anguish and betrayal, and that was something she honestly didn’t mind getting rid of in the long term scheme of things. Yet the question was, how was he going to do it? What was his plan, and what was the end-game.

As the advent of despair pondered these things, sunshine had vanished and reappeared next to her, pulling and clamping her fingers down on his arm with enough force that they would go through, now what would happen beyond this? The void in its tangible form would begin to breakdown the males skin and erode it away as he had gotten near her, eating at the flesh that was considered to be something rather than “Nothing” . Her gaze shifting upwards to the heavens as she pondered just why she was in this predicament. Her wings folded on either side of her back as sunshine proclaimed that if she truly wished it, she would be free, that her chains and wings hadn’t been clipped by others, yet instead had merely been clipped of her own volition, and to some degree she understood that. She had accepted that a long time ago, and now it was brought into question by the very same man who had caused her to accept her broken wings and being in the first place.

Yet, the truth was. . . She just didn’t care enough anymore to find the cruel irony in this statement, and instead? She only raised her brows slightly as she was picked up, and whisked away from their current setting, moving through the landscape of devil mountain, until the landmarks all blurred together under sunshines shunpo, and she was drug along for the ride, having been thrown over his shoulder with the same care given to a sack of potatos. Yet for now? she would have let out a huff before simply waiting for them to appear at their destination