Stuck with An App

Okay, so recently I've had my app reviewed and I believe the only things I need to fix are my vizard and inner hollow powers. They were lacking in detail (it was half-assed). I have started to add some description but I'm sure where to go in terms of how my character received these additional and how she can channel it through (?).

All in all, I'd appreciate any and all help with fixing my app. xD

I'm excoted to get started with my character and I want to move on, I'm just not sure how to do so at this point.

Please help!

I would say try building her powers around her history. So say you have super strength: try expanding on how she attained the power. Why she sought out to get super strength in the first place and why it was so 'super'. Add information that relates to your character, for example if your character enjoys feeling stronger thanks to the super strength. As for what I noticed in your app, it seems that Frost pointed out you needed to expand on the details of the hollow powers so try mentioning why the hollow has the powers you mentioned. Did she find out that he or she had such capabilities within their inner battle? Is the super strength unique in anyway, as if does it increase strength in general or specific aspects such as punching.

It may sound like little details but in the end it gives you more to talk about when you RP. I hope this helps, if not feel free to PM me and ill go through the specifics of what you should change.

I would start by linking your app.

Ulqui wrote:I would say try building her powers around her history. So say you have super strength: try expanding on how she attained the power. Why she sought out to get super strength in the first place and why it was so 'super'. Add information that relates to your character, for example if your character enjoys feeling stronger thanks to the super strength. As for what I noticed in your app, it seems that Frost pointed out you needed to expand on the details of the hollow powers so try mentioning why the hollow has the powers you mentioned. Did she find out that he or she had such capabilities within their inner battle? Is the super strength unique in anyway, as if does it increase strength in general or specific aspects such as punching.

It may sound like little details but in the end it gives you more to talk about when you RP. I hope this helps, if not feel free to PM me and ill go through the specifics of what you should change.

^Boringggg.. all inner hollows increase your strength as well as base stats pretty much. Make something that will collaborate well with your Zanpakutō's abilities... Which seem to be a bunch of League of Legends abilities. lol.

Your inner hollow believes in killing the innocent in order to prosper? Sooo let's play off of that, because you can make something pretty interesting. Not only that, but it seems like the inner hollow likes to linger in the shadows, so maybe some abilities that better fit the role of an assassin? Maybe something like him simply being in shadows insanely increases his speed for the duration of one attack. Making it easier for her lunge from the shadows, etc.

I'm just bouncing some ideas to put you on the right path, but I can go more in depth with some of these if you'd like. If they were unable to spark any thoughts.

CPKallday wrote:I would start by linking your app.

Le link

Ulqui wrote:I would say try building her powers around her history. So say you have super strength: try expanding on how she attained the power. Why she sought out to get super strength in the first place and why it was so 'super'. Add information that relates to your character, for example if your character enjoys feeling stronger thanks to the super strength. As for what I noticed in your app, it seems that Frost pointed out you needed to expand on the details of the hollow powers so try mentioning why the hollow has the powers you mentioned. Did she find out that he or she had such capabilities within their inner battle? Is the super strength unique in anyway, as if does it increase strength in general or specific aspects such as punching.

It may sound like little details but in the end it gives you more to talk about when you RP. I hope this helps, if not feel free to PM me and ill go through the specifics of what you should change.

PM should be coming around soon. But I see what your saying. I'll see where I can incorporare her history, personality, and the inner hollow's history/pers./etc.

CPKallday wrote:^Boringggg.. all inner hollows increase your strength as well as base stats pretty much. Make something that will collaborate well with your Zanpakutō's abilities... Which seem to be a bunch of League of Legends abilities. lol.

See, why couldn't I just remember in the beginning? That makes this so much easier.
..
League of Legends, ftw, Idonteven-- >=> K.

CPKallday wrote:Your inner hollow believes in killing the innocent in order to prosper? Sooo let's play off of that, because you can make something pretty interesting. Not only that, but it seems like the inner hollow likes to linger in the shadows, so maybe some abilities that better fit the role of an assassin? Maybe something like him simply being in shadows insanely increases his speed for the duration of one attack. Making it easier for her lunge from the shadows, etc.

I'm just bouncing some ideas to put you on the right path, but I can go more in deplth with some of these if you'd like. If they were unable to spark any thoughts.

That's perfect! And yes, please, go into detail. My lack of common sense amazes me..

Thanks for everything guys! I feel more confident with the whole app thing now.

Alright, let's see...

First off, I don't know if you remember, but Ichigo's hollow had a different way of fighting rather than his regular conventional way. He spun the blade around at rapid speeds and things of that sort. I think something like that could be applied as a technique of fighting that your inner hollow uses. Not meaning that your Inner Hollow should have a technique to replicate this, but if you can spin off that, that would be a nice touch as well as well as a little personality. Something as simple as giving him a high sense of mobility with his moves and using something like an unnaturally low stance while fighting. That mixed with the prey mantis style of fighting could be really fun to write and read if done correctly.

As for the ability. I'm not going to write it word for word, but I'll go more in depth so that you have something that you can write with. All things cast a shadow, shadows are simply put as blocked light, creating an angled shaped from the source that is blocking it. Therefore if light is absent(i.e. night) that is considered to be a shadow. How exactly does this give Riot any sort of power, however? Simple, when an inner hollow and its host are able to feed off of each other's skills they are able to synergize a lot better than usual. Meaning that if your inner hollow is pleased with what you are doing, despite their sadistic mannerisms, they will be more likely to aid you granting them with the powers they hold inside of them. Therefore, in order for Riot's inner hollow to grant her this speed she MUST be within a shadow. This in tandem with her long-ranged abilities, and the mixture of her inner hollow's fighting technique can make for some rather awesome abilities. She'd be able to attack with her chained weapons from the shadows and then vanish off to another shadow in mere seconds. In doing this Riot is able to produce a flurry of attacks from the shadows and from different angles in order not only attempt to harm the opponent but to also throw them off from where her current position is.

Something like that could work if you write it correctly. Pretty much your inner hollow is going to be granting you with high amounts of speed so long as you are feeding him with what is considered to be his forte.

Okay, I can see how I can incorporate this into my app. Again, thanks/kudos to you both for the tremendous amount of help. I'll make sure that I give credit to you both in my app.

Don't think I can say it enough, but thank you!!

No need to give credit, I didn't write any of your ability I just gave you an idea is all. In return I hope you have a good time, s'all I ask.