The Crow's thoughts.

Ya know I've carried this torch for longer then I can remember I know it's been thirteen years I have been the Crow. But not a day goes by lately that I wonder if I made the right choice to devote my time to things, as it stands I am getting tired of dealing with certain people they know who they are. It's getting to the point I detest even typing in the name for the site when I come here..I love this place and most of the people here are family to me in more ways then one. But ya know with the way things have been going I am just at the point where I am tired of dealing with it all. Irl I have stress and alot on my plate to handle, losing more things then I care to count. I have been watching things and now understand I am not leaving though I am deep in thought about it. The venom between me and the other person just isn't going to fix because every time I talk with them it's just a match to oil for me. I'm not leaving because I am an Org leader and I believe in doing the best I can for that Org, but I am starting to think maybe that should be my only focus as everything else is starting to feel horrible.

Irl I am having relationship issues so I come here to take my mind off it and just lose some of the stress. With me and her like this I am just not in the mood anymore so I am putting it out here now. This hasn't a thing to do with everyone or anything here. But since I just feel like this is the only way to voice my opinion. Yes things make me uncomfortable it's my opinion and I am allowed to have one. If I want to avoid something it's within my rights as a human being and an RPer..I am tired of dealing with this and just feeling like I am being scolded for having one. May not of meant it to be that way but maybe you did it's how it came out..See I am at this point where the only thing important to me now is the members and the Vandenreich..Nothing else is of importance to me. I used to love the Gotei 13 and all the orgs and try to divide my time fairly among them.

But just all this has been killing my muse, I am ready to pull my Second Espada from the Espada and just let him wander instead of what he has been doing. I know it's not that big a deal Verathius would of done it anyways. But it's just getting to the point where I feel like knives are going through my heart every time..I am tired of letting people hurt me, misunderstand me, I am tired of it....Just tired of it.. Ya know it's hard and I am being brought to this degree of sadness..With the things with my Gf ya know I haven't cried in 4 years...Today we get to reset the clock..because..I am just so tired of it even she and my father wonder why I let myself stay here...It's because your part of my family no matter how much I try to work things out they just turn into a lit bomb that explodes..I don't have any problems with how things are on site..But this is how I feel inside right now...

Feel free to post feedback..but this is where I linger for now..I'll be watching this closely.

It really makes be sad that yet again the ghost of past has come to site again I came back thinking that there will be no more of this and am sorry to say "bullshit". At the end of the day I do not speak my mind much on the site but at the end I feel now I have speak my mind because getting to point it is effecting the site as a whole i do not wish to see this site that i love come crashing down because of dramas that are going on.

Everything time I come back weekend or holiday some seem really upset I get angered form this in such due i know most for some time and gotten to know some of you at the same time. I know people have problems and all but please keep in mind to both staff and member that other have lives and problems of their own. Now if Crow feels like this I think it a good time we got together staff and members alike and sight this out for once and for all.

As a one of oldest members of this site I wish my feeling is to be repected and without compliant people do not like this then keep to yaslef and talk to me personally like an adult.

I like i think it time to settle this i think this has gone to far now am sorry that is my thoughts on this.

(am backing crow if anyone wondering )