Void of Aivee

Week three, figured I should do this about now.

I've been on a sort of extended break; I can't seem to be able to concentrate and focus, getting sick on and off. Relatively, I've been so stressed I've been getting sick; and generally, considering what happened tonight, I don't know when my activity will pick up again. I'll try to do things here and there, but anything that could've motivated me is already done; why bother trying if it's just going to get done before I could even get there? It's depressing, it's will-sapping, and it killed my muse. Along with a few more personal level issues, generally with how people handle certain situations and relatively my utter fantastic annoyances at people, I just more or less dc'd myself.

I'm on skype relatively often, but I tend to sleep a lot, since I'm probably getting terminally depressed; not that I honestly care. I just feel tired, exhausted, burnt out from doing so much; I just feel like nobody really appreciates what I do, and there's no meaning behind it if all it's going to do is gonna get me yelled at. So more or less, I'm trying to find myself amongst all of this shit-storming that piles onto my back; so it's a bit exhausting. Considering how people easily misunderstand me, and then jump on my back like retarded monkeys, I kind of get exhausted. It's not only here; RL, and other places too. So I'm just generally really worn down.

I love everyone, even though I'm seriously debating on quitting. I am aware I shouldn't make choices when I feel like this, and I swear on Azaroth that I ain't gonna leave without a word. Though you'll generally know if I leave since it'll be my last hoorah. More or less, I feel like I'm alienating myself from everything and everyone; so bear with me if I do come on with this in mind. I'll try my best, but the last time I had a low like this was during more unfortunate circumstances in which I almost succeeded in taking my life, if I hadn't chickened out. So more or less, I'm in a real bad spot, and I'll try my best, but don't expect too much.

I'll only apologize for the misunderstandings, and the fact that people have a hard time understanding what I try to say; but I will not apologize for the words I mean, and for the things that make me me. Relatively.. I just want to relax, be accepted, be happy. And not have to feel like the entire weight of the world is on my shoulders, if you'll pardon the metaphor. Use my activity against me only at your own risk; in the end, I still understand a lot more about people then most would expect. I'm just exhausted, that's all; so I'll just.. do what I can. But I might leave. I might not.

I won't stop anyone from doing what they want; I just.. I guess I just have a mess of feelings. And well, that's why I dispear; I can rarely keep my focus intact in between the RL drama, what happened tonight, and generally other things that have taken their toll. So I'mma just do my best, regardless of how rambly and wtf this thing is. I'm just me right? watashi wa watashi dake shika, inai yo. More or less; I am the the only me. So yeah, I know this is confusing but let's just leave it at that.

I might be afk longer, I might burst, I might afk more. I don't know at this point; I don't even know if I'll have a meal today. So.. yeah. That's about it.