Riveted Down [Eliane, Nelliel]

"They're fairly new, yes. They moved in to help keep up the City of Lights' fairly exponential growth these last few years."

The question of whether or not she enjoyed her job was a little bit of a complicated one, though. Eliane didn't really feel too strongly about her actual day job under Arlette. If anything, she found it wildly dull, and she knew that it was the sort of thing she hated doing. But she was doing it for her sisters, and she was doing it to try and become a better person. In that sense...

"It's rewarding for me, I think. It's a good change of pace, and I like to hope that I'm learning a lot from it."

That was really the best she could say, anyway. In truth, Eliane hardly cared about whether or not she was transparent about her own situation. She had no shame about what she'd been through, why she was trying to be better, even why her body was riddled with scars. But the Vandenreich wouldn't much appreciate her telling that story openly, and so for now, she had to avoid being quite that direct.

"Interesting. What have you learned thus far, if I might ask? I do enjoy educating myself with the perspectives of others."

Especially if they were thought out and articulated well. The woman had done the second well so far and shown an interest in more critical thought. Therefore, she wanted to explore that topic a bit more if it wasn't too personal. If Eliane wished to keep those thoughts to herself the arrancar could understand.

Saying something like "other people haven't ever really registered as human to me" hardly seemed like the right way to convey this point, even if it would have been the most accurate way to describe it. Eliane didn't really want to alienate herself from others, even if most people might have thought that was what she deserved. After all, she surely had the potential to better herself.

"Mm... I've learned that other people have much more going on in their mind than I tended to assume. I have to admit that I wasn't always fully understanding of how they considered the world. Seeing things through the eyes of others has never been my forte."

If she couldn't manage that, well, what was all this for?

Well, that made sense to her. For someone who specialised in logistics and had already established a difficult relationship with her family. Detachment and a difficulty to empathise was to be anticipated but the point had something glaring to her that was weaved among the dialogue. Its subtleness made it stand out more than anything she had said otherwise.

"Do you feel like what you perceive the world as to be inadequate to others?"

Nelliel inquired without asking, quite bluntly, if Eliane saw herself as human or not but there was enough deniability in the statement to avoid it being accusatory. If anything the arrancar was just probing whether it tied into why Eliane was here seeking out texts that might be thought provoking. She would never jump to conclusions about someone.

"I do. I think the way I see things is, frankly, not a worldview anyone should have. It's much too detached, and really, just too ignorant."

It wasn't exactly a positive sort of view on herself, but Eliane was much too intelligent to think anything else. She definitely wasn't going to be sugarcoating anything when it came to matters of her own existence, that would be counterproductive to say the very least.

"But I'd rather try and fix that than just accept I'm some oddity who doesn't see eye to eye with everyone else."

Well, ignorance is bliss and ideas were the most common cause of strife. A thinking man's wisdom was rarely tempered by the humility to justify staying his hand against another idea that challenged his own. Such is how wars were fought really if not for resources then for influence of one group's ideals against another.

"To recognise your capacity for more is certainly praiseworthy but there is nothing to be gained through conformity. I am an oddball among my own kind but I would not surrender my ideals in exchange for violence that would make me accepted among other hollows either."

"Mm, well...that's true."

Eliane had to concede that she didn't really want to be just any other woman. Sure, she wanted to be normal, to be someone who could blend into society well enough and have the kind of happiness anyone else could. But she didn't want to just be...you know. Those typical kinds. Not that she was even really sure she could.

"I admire that outlook. Violence isn't something we should glorify, though I think a lot of people find it romantic. Maybe they idealize it in their head, or maybe they don't really understand the difference between fighting for sport and self-betterment and real violence. I don't really know."

"What is real violence though? I believe it to be derived from instinct over reason. We are compelled to violence. We are inherently drawn to the path of least difficulty and so when someone presents an argument you disagree with, it is easier to digest if that idea was to be smothered rather than considered and challenged. When I regained my mind, I regained my reason, and from that day I have always tried to be thoughtful rather than rash."

She was not perfect though. No one was and to believe they were was pure arrogance that failed to consider their fellow souls. Even if she tried to lead her life through higher thought and denying her instincts they still existed. She could fight someone to submission off them if someone threatened someone she cared about but that had its own purpose too.

"If you wish to be distinguished without alienating yourself then control your instincts and develop your principles that separate your from the animals. It is instinctual to conform to the social structure of your peers but it is praiseworthy to live amongst them but have a strong identity."