Mind Me [Liltotto, Natasha]

Come... Come...

The outwardly bored looking woman leaned against the wall of the cafe, biting away at a cold sandwich as she eyed the time carefully and anxiously... Ugh, what was she, a kid? She shouldn't be feeling any way about this, Nat didn't have to show up if she really didn't want to. She didn't, but... She wanted her to.

Her way of breaking the ice between them after that argument was just texting her a date, time, and place to meet up at, with little expectation of sounding casual. Sternritter were being deployed and they were surely next - if anything, she didn't want their last conversation to be that.

Staring at the text field, she almost felt tempted to give her a reminder... Maybe she forgot. No, that'd be too much of her.

Waiting was best... If she didn't wanna see her after all, that was her choice.

Deployment was on the horizon. In a few days, she would return to the wartorn plains of Africa along with her peers, to defend a nation on the verge of annihilation. That was her duty as a Sternritter, after all, and Natasha had settled most of her affairs in the interim. By all accounts, she was content. Of course, that wasn't quite right, was it? Little false, right?

Most of the puzzle pieces had been reconstructed, yet there was one crucial piece that could no longer be ignored, one that continued to leave a potently bitter taste in her mouth. Distancing herself from a dear friend proved no easy decision. For one who wore her affection on her sleeves, it was almost torturous, in fact.

Had that been out of prideful stubbornness at the notion of futility? That she couldn't fix what ailed a dear friend? Well, she certainly wouldn't have denied it. Punching her dead across the face, regardless of whether it truly hurt, invariably wounded her in the process.

Thus, when she was presented with the opportunity to face her again, she seized the moment by arriving swiftly at her destination. Now, with a flamboyant sway of the hips, flashing a wide grin to elicit some measure of humor, she stepped through the door to greet her fellow blonde at the table. There were several ways she could approach her, no doubt, but Natasha kept it simple. Playful and upbeat. Bad blood? Didn't exist. Not between them. Hopefully, Liltotto felt the same.

"Yoo-hoo~ Long time no see, sugar. Thought we'd never cross paths again."

She almost inhaled her latest bite with that jarringly cheerful call, coughing briefly to clear her chest before swallowing. Even with all her wanting, she was a little floored that she actually showed up, much more in a great mood to see her. She'd just give her a little wave to beckon her, "Hey Natasha. Y'know how it goes. Sorry, I had to start eating without you."

Compared to Natasha's beaming expression, Liltotto herself looked a bit glum and put off. Was she happy to see she actually came, absolutely... But now she wasn't sure of how she was handling them not talking for a week or two. If she was a bit upset or something it'd be easier to start off, but it wasn't as apparent. A feeling in her told her it was going to be alright, to just speak to her, that ghostly reassurance that was becoming increasingly familiar to her, but she couldn't help but feel a little concerned,

"So, whatcha been up to?" She'd ask once they were settled and ordered, "We're about to go back to ground zero again, you nervous?"

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. This isn't my first song and dance of gettin' to grab a bite with ya."

Natasha took a moment to observe the woman's expression when she reached her, curious about her present mood. It wasn't as if she expected her to be all smiles, but her face seemed pleasant enough. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? Taking a seat across from her, Natasha quietly placed in an order as she leaned against the chair.

What was the proper way to go about this? Was their a proper way? Did she come across as nonchalant with her introduction? Argh... this was far too complicated territory for her. Indeed, some small part would have simply wished they could hug each other senseless, bury the hatchet, and move on to greener pastures. But that was childish fantasy. This was reality. Natasha responded to her simple question with a likewise simple answer.

"Nothin' much on my end, sugar. I had some really intense trainin' recently with Orion, and some personal matters I had to correct, but nothin' else on my end. As far as our return to ground zero is concerned..."

Natasha pursed her lips for a moment, reflecting on their battle, ruminating on the future. She would have been gravely disingenous to say she wasn't somewhat nervous. There was no guarantee what they would face next, after all. But what of it? Fear was meaningless now. They had a duty to uphold. She couldn't afford to be afraid.

"A little bit. I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't. Even so, I ain't a coordinator of the Vandenreich for nothin'. Get knocked down, get back up. That's my approach. How about you, sweetheart? What're you feelin'?"

Same ol' same ol' was what it sounded like to her. Orion... That was a sorta familiar name.. Oh yeah, that guy who looked like a sad wet puppy; he seemed a bit too standoffish and focused on something else to think bothering him for something outside of work was a good idea. Fiddling with a napkin, she was trying to think of how to open this, or even begin - trying to settle a problem this personal had some daunt to it, unlike the occasional troublesome civilian or hollow to split open; there was care for the outcome and investment on the line, she genuinely didn't want to push Natasha away.

But she just felt like she had to go for it, either she did and got her answer, or she didn't and it'd be an awkward sort of separation that'd part them anyway. Here went nothing,

"Yeah, I keep having this feeling something's gonna happen, like I gotta be out there," She'd say while taking another bite of her sandwich, "It's a stressful time, and it feels like my last chance to... Say, stuff.. To you. I really thought about it the past few weeks, I had a lot to think about since... Yknow. And... I'm real sorry for that day. I know you were just trying to help, but I didn't feel like you could. I still don't, well, not directly - unless you were hiding some time jumping ability from me. I'm like, hundreds of years older than you, there isn't any easy way for me to tackle this stuff.."

Crap, was she sounding too much like a downer? She'd shake her head with that realization, "..I guess i'm more or less sayin' that... You're my friend, and I don't want you burning yourself out trying to solve shit you can't touch. I just.. Hated the idea of you worrying."

"Mm..."

Natasha allowed the woman an extended interval to speak her peace, tilting her head upward to maintain eye contact, chewing away at a cookie with a relaxed ease. To a degree, her words were undoubtedly correct. Liltotto was, by all accounts, an individual with multiple centuries on her belt. She predated the modern age by a landslide.

Attempting to understand her was an exercise in futility. As much as she detested that obvious fact, their time away had taught her an invaluable lesson, opened her mind to a different route of assistance that ran counter to the hands-on approach. It was comically simple yet unilaterally sound in practice. Let them find the answer on their own.

In the maelstrom of fear she felt at the notion of losing Liltotto to the existential emotions eating away at her conscience, she allowed her rage to build up at the thought that she couldn't solve her problems for her. Even so, that didn't mean she regretted her intent, merely her actions.

"Nah. Time hopping ain't on my list of talents, unfortunately. Can't say I find anythin' disagreeable with what you've said, truth be told. Not one bit."

Natasha chortled for a moment, adding her brand of humor to maintain some measure of positivity in the atmosphere. Swallowing the cookie remnants, Natasha promptly dismissed the woman's worry with a shrug and a childishly defeated sigh.

"No amount of southern charm or magic on my end can solve that. No, I realize that those issues you face are beyond me. Plus, yer as stubborn as a raging bull runnin' down a matador. Stressin' over you will probably make me grow a grey hair or two."

Clicking her fingers against the desk for a moment, she spoke with a touch more sincerity to her voice, signifying that she was genuinely approaching the subject matter at hand with care.

"Be that as it may, yer my friend, Lil, and a dear one at that. I'll always worry about you to some extent. That's what a friend does. That's my natural right, really. However, I realize I can't force ya to feel better about yourself and what bothers ya. I'm a miracle worker sometimes, but I ain't that good. The best I can do, or anyone else that loves you, is allow you to go at yer own pace. Besides, I'd like not to punch you again. Nearly broke my goddamn hand in the process, wouldn't ya know?"

"M' not stubborn.." She'd say with a bit of pout, crossing her arms. It was all too easy to imagine Nat springing a head of grey over it, she didn't want anyone to be worried so sickly over her. Though, her shy gaze would lessen as Natasha made her intentions and thoughts clear to her, the last remark triggering a cringing chuckle, "..Yeah, don't punch me again til you're much stronger, it'll hurt every time before then."

"But... Yeah. I appreciate that you're willin' to stick with me. I... I just have a hard time talking about this stuff, yknow? Sometimes I think about it, and go 'yeah but, what can THEY do?', and I frequently end up with a blank. But even so, I just feel this angry stupid void in my chest when I don't get it out, yknow? I dunno, i'll get better at venting or saying what's wrong. I just don't wanna be a burden to anybody, i'm already quite a massive one."

A deep sigh left her as her hands pressed against her cup of water, "I don't think I can be fixed, but I don't really feel up to being alone again. I want to keep what I got going as long as I can and... You're one of my first friends. You won't be here forever but.. I don't want to lose you so quickly."

"Honey, the only thing burdensome bout you is that stubbornness of yours, and the habit of keepin' things in. I never once thought of you as a burden. Well, only when I can't feed ya properly after invitin' ya over for game night."

Natasha exhaled in triumphant relief. There was a natural difficulty that came with knowing the woman personally, yet she valued their friendship, valued the influence she had in her life far too much to let that sour their bond. As such, she thought it meaningless to stress over something beyond her station.

Hers was simply a past that required something that was fundamentally out of Natasha's wheelhouse. Did that annoy her to a degree? Of course, it did. At the heart of the matter, it was simply annoyance borne out of her own stubborn need to save the day, her motherly desire to ease her friend's troubles.

"Humor aside, I realize it's not always easy to vent. Hell, it took me a minute to open up to you durin' my first month or so here. I was a mess. An alcoholic one at that. Christ, I'm just laughin' recallin' the times you had to drag me home because I was absolutely shitfaced. Always asked myself, "What does this tiny blonde stand to gain hangin' around someone like me?" But, here we are now."

A momentary pause followed, Natasha allowed herself a moment of silence to pull a doughnut from the assortment of sweets she brought for the occasion. For no other purpose, of course, than to soften the pain she might have felt if this conversation went south. Since that was no longer the case, this was more akin to enjoying a celebratory treat. To speak with her like this --- without issue, without a veil of guilt hanging over their heads --- was nothing short of fulfilling, profoundly so.

"Yer one of my best friends, Lil. I can't emphasize that enough. I ain't lettin' ya get rid of me that easily. Hell'll freeze over first before ya see me steppin' out of yer life. That stuff I said about grey hairs? I'll be here with a head full of it, bustin' yer chops about how youthful you are after the next century."

She could feel her ears getting a little warm over Natasha's words, somewhere between relief and multi-layered embarrassment, good lord she really was acting like a kid. It felt weird feeling that way, considering her body long since had stopped resembling a child's, but it felt like yesterday she was struggling to help Nat get home after she took one too many drinks (even after a light warning or two). It was irritating in the moment but she was never mad at her.

"Crazy how it's only been a little over a year, that's like a blink to me at this point," A calm smile reached her features as she thought about it all, "Even i've changed a lot, even if the ways that happened are weird as fuck."

Nat really did have her own little transition over time, didn't she? Did it go somewhat unnoticed because of how short it felt, or was she not thinking too intensely of her friend's improvement? She did see it after thinking about it for a moment.. Nat really did open up to such a sadsack.

"Hope you are, really, hope you are.." Her expression was a little reserved, but the stress in her voice really enunciated how she felt about it, "Wonder if i'd have grandkids or be in a different position at that point, I haven't really been seeking out any promotions now."

"No kiddin'. I still can't get over how you grew up so fast. One minute, you were this small, grumpy lil' thing tellin' me to be more responsible with my body. Now, yer' a god-honest full-grown woman. That's one hell of a transition if ya ask me."

Natasha felt her smile grow a touch reminiscent as those hazel irises observed Liltotto's expression with a playful glint. Even though it hardly shocked her now, there was something decidedly jarring about watching this woman transform in what felt like a blink of an eye. At once, a diminutive and grumpy woman, now she was here sitting before her, a full-grown adult who was slowly but surely, learning how to open up to others. Rome wasn't built in a day, but this progress sure was plenty satisfying by her standards.

"Of course I am. I've got this vision I've been buildin' in my head. I damn sight ain't lettin' anyone take it from me anytime soon. Gotta tell yer grandkids a funny story or two in my old age, ya know?"

Even if there was no guarantee she would return from Africa alive, she hardly wanted to part from this woman on sour terms. Few alone had the right to call themselves her cherished friends, but Liltotto was, without question, chiefly at the top of her list.