Desperate Times, Desperate Dragons [Private]

How long had it been since that incident? During which Kimitsuki had nearly lost a dear student and friend; well… she thought she nearly lost her. In truth, she felt as if she had lost Hiroe even if the woman was still quite alive and well; well enough. This has caused a tsunami of emotions inside of Kimitsuki, which spread even to her conceptual realm; in which firestorms raged in a chaotic representation of her turbulent emotions. Such reasons were why Kagutsuchi took a slight break from comforting and trying to bring Kimi around to being around the person whom Kimi’s mind would always return to when she was not briefly occupied by her job as a teacher; but even that was beginning to become unreliable.

Because of Kimi’s recent attempts to visit Hiroe at her home, and the lack of Hiroe’s attendance to school and private lessons, Kimitsuki’s mood had been on an eternal downward spiral. This lead Kagutsuchi to make a trip to Hiroe’s house without any form of invitation. This would result in the fire dragon suddenly appearing in front of Hiroe, unless she was in the bathroom or in a compromising situation, and growl softly.

“Young pups should go to school instead of wallowing in their own self-pity and misery. You hurt more than you could ever imagine by ignoring what, and who, is important.”

Honestly, Hiroe's activity in the academy danced between barely existent to outright abysmal. She did only the bare minimum each day and returned home as if the whole process was equivalent to working a job with low pay. There was no joy in it, lacking any form of zeal she pridefully held to her heart. Enthusiasm was no longer present, and though her pride was crying out to her to rise above this, to look past her trauma - everything traced back to that one harrowing event. That one defining moment. Try as she might make several efforts at pushing past it, it all raced back towards the moment she felt death was a plausible reality. Fortunately, for Kagutsuchi, Hiroe was simply weaving some outfits together to make a profit. Why not settle into this career? She was startled ever so slightly at a dragon manifesting in her household but paid little heed to it as she focused on the flame-like pattern of one particular outfit. Fire... that was something she had once, right? This was her eternal partner, and she didn't feel any menacing energy that indicated her life was in danger as she did with Hiroi.

"It's Shino Academy, Kagutusuchi... I can choose however I want to spend my time. At worse, they'll simply kick me out and go about their days. I'm not wallowing in self-pity, either. I'm running my business and keeping my distance. I've no place there. Not anymore."

"You always had a place, but you are scared. You are letting your fear overpower you. You do not look like a mouse to me, or have I forgotten what Mice look like since I last saw one? Because you are acting like a scared little mouse, Girl. You hide from adversity, just because your life was threatened ONCE. What about your so called dream, a dream to become a Shinigami? If such a small thing as death would shake you from your passion, I'm not sure if anyone could trust you as a seamstress either! If you quit so easily after such a tiny ordeal... you are fit to be nothing more than a mouse."

Kagutsuchi growled in honest disappointment at the girl before her, the dragon growing to the size of a dire wolf, his shining ruby eye glaring at Hiroe as he stared at the women; the odd desperate tones in his voice likely shining through a tiny bit. Frankly speaking, Kimitsuki was still sliding down the slippery slope of depression, sinking further in, relying on the worst things to keep herself sane; relying on shortcuts to free herself from the pain of emotion... to free herself from the pain of loss.

"Again I say, think of your actions, young one. You harm more than yourself with your foolish actions... You harm your very own friends without meaning to, without knowing, and, seemingly, without caring. Where is your pride? Did it run away when you became a mouse, Hiroe? You caught the eye of someone the moment you met her, and instead of becoming strong for her, you RUN."

Kagutsuchi growled one more time, his face growing ever closer to Hiroe, but the intent to harm was not present; instead, the intent to provoke into action... to get her to come back for the sake of the one she had met, for her dear teacher... For Kimitsuki. Before she was lost to them.

"Please... You have to fight... You have to come back... before..."

Kagutsuchi growled himself into silence, looking away from Hiroe and refusing to speak more until he heard word from the woman before him; feeling his connection to Kimitsuki growing strained. Not from space, but from her ever increasing state of sorrow as it grew more and more clear that her beloved student detested her. Hiroe needed to find her strength before it was too late and Kimi left for the sake of protecting all from her... After all, Hiroe could never know that Kimitsuki was the kind to blame herself for misfortune she was involved in; even if she hadn't caused it in any form. If she left for Earth, left for the forest that only the two of them knew the location of Kimi's birth place... she could be lost to them in full.

In a prior meeting, perhaps, Hiroe would've lashed out and told Kagustusuchi to stick it up his ass, that she was far above the level of a mere rodent. Even beneath that distant exterior she wore, a tinge of that spirit was pulsing with anger, furiously crying out to Hiroe to speak up for herself. Yet, nothing came. Hiroe paused as she glanced over the flame like pattern, placing her fingers against the fabric as she applied a small portion of Reiryoku to finish off the design. She was relieved that this design was nearly finished, as it'd be incredibly difficult to deal with a agitated dragon insulting her while she tried to do her work. What was he even going on about, anyway? Seamstresses didn't have to worry about their life being endangered. She could spend her days without a single worry, marry a husband who could protect her, and the children they'd have. What place did she hold in a school filled with men and women who were far more equipped mentally than she was? None. None whatsoever.

Perhaps, if he held some form of empathy, Kagustuchi would clearly discern the pang of regret she felt at hearing his next words. Kimitsuki. The teacher she admired a great deal. In a sense, she envisioned a bright future for their companionship. She was the cool and bubbly teacher who was the right mixture of cool, and strict only when she needed to be. In a word, she was ideal. Hiroe admired the woman from the moment they truly got to know one another.

To commemorate their meeting, Hiroe made her a wonderful outfit, weaving together so many intricate flamelike patterns that resembled fire in its purest essence. Radiant flames. That's what she represented. A radiant flame. Even so... what could she do? What did she want to do? She feared the mere thought of approaching the woman simply because of Hiroi's involvement. If only she hadn't appeared in her household that day, things would be different. She'd still be at the academy, visiting Kimitsuki, picking her brain, and enjoying her company...


"You know what, Kagutsuchi? Yeah. I did. I lost my pride. Soul reapers are supposed to be strong. The Shinoretsujin book states that one ought to be fearless and win no matter the cost! Did I win? Did I put up a fight and stake my life? No, I didn't. When Hiroi invaded my home, I cried like a miserable child. I didn't put up a fight at all. If anything, I crumbled at the worst possible moment..."

She trailed off, shaking her head as she sighed, Rising from the chair as she gazed at the Asauchi that seemed to be collecting dust beside her workspace.

"If I'm a mouse, so be it. Better to be a mouse than a stupid fool lying in a grave."

"THEN REGAIN YOURSELF, MOUSE. For you do not deserve to be a mouse, as both you and Kimitsuki well know... Better to die than live a life in fear... than to live it without the one person in your life that you care for beyond comprehension; that you idolize. I say you could not be trusted as a seamstress now, because without your pride, your work will falter. Even now, I am certain your current work pales in comparison to what you have made in the past..."

A rough breath escaped the dragon before he used his head to put his weight on Hiroe, forcing her down onto the ground, and trapping her under his head. Desperate measures for desperate times, one could say. He huffed out a large puff of air and then angled his head so that one of his ruby eyes once more looked into Hiroe's eyes and face; a penetrating stare that was only shortly interrupted by the sharp 'snick' of closing eyelids.

"Listen well, Girl. That book is a lie. Fearless? Preposterous. The greatest Shinigami have always been full of fear, everyone is afraid every single moment of the day. However, what we do in response to that fear is what matters. Every being is scared, much like Kimitsuki was full of terror the moment she knew you were in peril; the moment she knew she might lose you. And what do you do to repay her? You run. You cower. You hide from a fate that is inevitable for all of us. Grow strong instead of hiding in your studio, Hiroe. Or I will never let you up off the floor to sow again. Because if your selfish actions deprive Kimitsuki of the will to feel ever again, of the closest thing to a daughter I could ever have, I refuse to forgive you... She finds herself responsible, for everything that has happened. She's in greater pain than you could ever imagine, Hiroe... Death? Death is nothing in comparison to the pain of losing a loved one. And what did you do after Kimi spent time tending to you, repairing your house and studio with her contacts, and making sure that you were safe every day? You abandon her out of fear for your life, and you do harm that is soon to become irreparable. So Hiroe... I beg you..."

Kagutsuchi growled loud now as his eye flared with a sudden blaze of fire, showing Hiroe the briefest glimpse of the depths of emotion that Kagutsuchi himself was feeling; a glimpse into the pain that was slowly pulling Kimitsuki further and further into a shell that may never break.

"Regain your pride, return from fear, do not be a mouse... Kimitsuki needs her star student more than ever; and none of us want to see the end result. Fire... If it flickers and goes out, if there is no fuel, the flame can never be started again..."

An annoyed frown lined the woman's lip as she silently studied his words. For an otherworldly spirit, he seemed emotionally dense, failed to understand how fiercely this inability to act tore her apart. What was there to regain? By definition, she had never had anything to begin with, and therefore, had nothing to lose. She had spent so many months in the academy, ambitiously waiting for the day when her time would come. She watched as so many of her peers excelled at the core tenets of combat, while she marginally leveled out as average at best.

Her Zanpakuto remained without an imprint despite spending several hours in meditation, of spending every single day with the blade by her side. The confrontation with Hiroi had robbed her of her passion, reminded her of where she truly stood in the grand scheme of things. She was a dreamer who could finally see past those halcyon clouds of delusion. A seamstress wearing robes that belonged to warriors of far greater mettle. True gods of death.

Yet, this tenacious dragon still persisted. He pressed his head over her frame, as if he was attempting to forcibly impose his will on her, to bring her towards his uplifting point of view. Yet, Hiroe's expression grew even more exasperated as she struggled under his jaw. Those stern pair of ruby orbs were reflected within the golden eyes of the fledgling Shinigami as she matched that penetrating stare with a glare. Her movement compromised, Hiroe remained in her position as she listened to him speak. With each moment that passed, her expression drastically softened. Initially, she purposely drowned out his heartfelt words about embracing fear, believing that for an otherworldly spirit such as himself, it was easy to talk casually speak about the prospect of death. When he breached the subject concerning Kimitsuki, however, her frown vanished in immediately. A regretful expression dominated her countenance now, as though she were being sentenced for a crime and Kagutsuchi was the judge handing out her verdict.

He told no lies, held no words back at her expense. Indeed, he only revealed her actions that seemed to drive the crimson-haired woman away. No contact. No conversation. Nothing. Along with her drop in activity at the academy, she avoided almost anyone she could, as though the lot of them were a plague. According to the eternal partner pressing her against the ground, Kimitsuki suffered the full brunt of her avoidance. In that moment, it was if a gear had shifted in her mind. For a moment, so infinitesimal as to be ephemeral, the notion of shame no longer occupied her soul. What replaced it was none other than genuine care for the Danava of Fire. She had no idea what Kimitsuki was going through, but if it was truly as dire as he said it was, then... she could try. Truth be told, she couldn't promise him that she would regain that fire she once held. Even so, her admiration for Kimitsuki exceeded her shame right now. Gazing up at him, Hiroe sighed softly as she nudged at his snout.

"Kagutsuchi... I can't promise I'll ever be what you think I am. It's hard to return from fear, to regain pride that shattered so easily at the hint of death... Still, I care about Kimitsuki. For her sake, I'll try. I...I won't avoid her anymore. She doesn't deserve that. You're her eternal partner.... can you please take me to her?"

Kagutsuchi carefully adjusted his chin on Hiroe, watching the girl with his left ruby orb with it's fiery intense gaze; staying silent until Hiroe nudged his snout and made the dragon's nose wrinkle slightly. However, the words that followed were ones that caused Kagutsuchi's breath to escape him in a rather large sigh of relief. After a bit, his tongue flicked out and just barely licked Hiroe's cheek, which likely felt a bit odd due to it's heat, roughness of the tongue, and just generally how it felt to be licked by a dragon. A chuckle rumbled from the dragon's throat, which Hiroe likely felt quite acutely thanks to how she was being held down.

"Oh young one, it is not my expectations you should try to live up to; it is Kimitsuki's. She was always strictest with you because she knew you had potential, you just needed a push in the right direction. Now, however? Well, let's just say she will likely have personal interest in trying to make you a captain if she can shake it!"

The dragon couldn't help but let out a booming laugh as he lifted his head off of Hiroe, curling gently towards the door of her studio, using a front paw to carefully open the door and beckon to Hiroe to follow him outside; humming in some odd delight as he did so. Of course, he would wait for Hiroe outside, waiting for whatever preparation she needed to perform.

"I believe in you, much like Kimitsuki does, Hiroe. Every being faces obstacles to their dreams... but one should never let it stop them. You'd be surprised how easily pride is regained, Hiroe. The hard part is proving to yourself that you deserve it. Now come, climb on my back. We haven't a moment to lose and it would be best to take you there myself; as you asked me to."

As Kagutsuchi spoke, he grew in size again, to the size where Hiroe could easily climb upon his back; and this could likely cause a question of just how big Kagutsuchi could truly be. However, he would take no such questions right now. Time was of the essence while he was still able to borrow Kimi's powers to bolster himself. He shook his head gently, waiting for Hiroe to climb on, once she was safely secured, Kagutsuchi leapt into the sky, flying without the aid of wings to the direction of the Kyoraku estate; and where Kimi's home was.

"A word of warning, Hiroe. Kimitsuki is quite dense, as I am sure you have figured out. However, what she has been doing to protect others from herself, and to protect herself from herself, she has forced a transformation that is meant as a failsafe; but an unhealthy one. You must get her to listen, to convince her that she is not dangerous to you. I'd rather she not lock herself in that form... her fire and emotions are far too beautiful to be sealed away by such a sad affair. Essentially, it may take more than normal to convince her... but I am convinced you can do it. After all, the bond between pupil and teacher is quite unique."

Afterwards, Kagutsuchi let Hiroe ask her questions, speak her mind, and generally prepare herself for what was to come; afterwards, Kagutsuchi would alight outside of Kimitsuki's home in the Kyoraku estate. After a completely smooth landing, Kagutsuchi looked towards Hiroe and seemed to give her a smile of sorts. Hard to tell, given he was a dragon.

"Go on, girl. Do as you said. Try, for her."

Hiroe blushed softly at that light lick across her cheek. Through an exasperated sigh, she let out a strained chuckle. Rising from the ground entirely, Hiroe stretched her legs as Kagutsuchi spoke. Even through her current mood, the fledgling Shinigami was genuinely flattered. Captain? Her? She almost wanted to say "as if", but simply understood the nature of what she had to do now. There was no need to be rude. Maybe... just maybe if an ancient dragon and a Danava of Fire held so much belief, surely... surely she could do the same. That was neither here nor there, though. Now, was the time for action. Rome wasn't built in a day right? She supposed that's how the living realm term went.

Following Kagutsuchi's instruction, Hiroe would dress within the proper wear as she slowly lifted herself onto his back. Once she was properly boarded onto the ancient dragon, he leapt through the sky as though he were flying, navigating the district. Hiroe hated that her mood wasnt' as chipper as it usually was. For godsake, she was riding through the Rukongai and Seireitei on a dragon's back! It was honestly kinda hype. During their journey, Hiroe listened to Kagutsuchi's words intently. This was a grave matter, after all. She couldn't really ignore his words now.

Beyond the encouragement, Hiroe could genuinely tell this eternal partner cared for her and his master. It felt... nice. According to him, though, her work was cut out for her. Even so, as she promised, she would do her best to right this wrong. Again, she couldn't promise that her own mental state would magically recorrect itself over night. They were asking too much of her in that aspect, to be sure. But, for Kimitsuki's sake, she would no longer avoid her like the plague. Sighing softly, she turned towards Kagutsuchi once more time as she nodded her head.

Hiroe would walk towards the door to the Kyoraku estate, rapping her fist against it as she steeled herself for the moment ahead.

"Kimitsuki... It's me, Hiroe! Can you hear me? Can I come in, please?" I've... got a lot to apologize for."

To say that Kimitsuki was not doing well was a bit of an understatement. She is able to get around, teach her lessons, and relatively operate in some "Frame" of mind. However, she wasn't doing well otherwise. Most days, she spent in bed, a torrent of emotions storming through her being, her usually so well in control fire so close to bursting from her due to the stress of the rampant emotions; all because of a certain event that happened quite recently and had caused a certain student of Kimi's, her favorite and star student, to almost ditch school completely. This led to a culmination of events, which Hiroi and Kagutsuchi had stalled quite admirably despite everything. However, most days, she would only sit on her bed, knees held to her chest in a fetal position of sorts, and her face buried in her knees; forcing her Berserk state to stay locked on to avoid the pain... to protect everyone from her.

Of course, Kimitsuki always had a very guilty conscience involving anything that involved her, willing to put the full blame of something onto herself even if she shared little blame over all; it was her worst trait and one that came back at the worst of times. And rejection, especially this kind of rejection, was bound to hit Kimi's core; especially considering the being that was one of the closest to Kimi, even if how she was has greatly changed, had tried to kill Hiroe. This all led to Kimitsuki being more reclusive than ever, forcing herself to be locked up in her room, in her small section of the estate, refusing to let out emotion, fire, or anything that could cause anyone harm because of her.

However, a voice that Kimi had been wanting to hear this entire time, a friend and student she had been wanting to see and talk to... finally, it seemed they came; Hiroe came. Even in her state of suppressed emotion, suppressed fire, it was hard for her heart to not beat quicker, for some minor bit of excitement to run free before it was swiftly quashed by the effects of her state. But that voice... It got Kimi to leave her bed, go to the front door, and open it.

What Hiroe would see was likely not quite what she may have expected. Her hair was the same, albeit a bit messy and ill-cared for. However, she didn't seem warm. Hell, her eyes even lacked that fiery gleam that could be so warm and soothing... If Hiroe touched her, the Danava would be even cold to the touch. And most of all was how her voice wasn't truly colored with emotion, seeming far too plain for such a bright being. For what little Hiroe could see of Kimi's body, seeing a tiny bit of her cleavage, there was an odd tattoo on her chest; almost like a seal of some sort. Regardless, the Danava still looked at Hiroe, her gaze was neither cold nor warming; but it was obvious that Kimi wasn't going to look away from the person she had wanted to see so badly.

"Hiroe... Something tells me that you came her at Kagutsuchi's behest, but I know you must hate me now. You should leave... But, if you don't want to, if you've come to talk... follow."

Kimitsuki would turn around, leaving the door open for Hiroe to follow. She wasn't cold, she wasn't angry... she was just... monotone. Plain. There was barely a trace of emotion in her voice, in her countenance. Everything she stated was more matter of fact than anything else. However, she had allowed Hiroe to enter, to come with her... and Kagutsuchi even nudged Hiroe's back with his nose, telling her to go and do her best without using words. After following Kimi, she would find the Danava perched atop her bed once more, peering at those same fireless eyes; searching her being for answers that were not given.

"So... Hiroe... Care to tell me why you're here?"

The moment Hiroe laid eyes on Kimitsuki's slightly disheveled appearance, an immediate pang of guilt cut right through her soul. Her eyes appeared cold, distant, bereft of all the warmth that had drawn her towards the woman from the moment they met. The radiant demeanor she carried herself with was not currently present. The delivery of her tone was monotone, lacking the measure of confidence Hiroe had grown familiar with. Every observation saw her confidence dissolving away with each passing moment, threatening to vanish from her spirit if entirely if she didn't steel herself and move forward. No. Enough. She wouldn't run away anymore.

The woman that stood before her now was the result of her own inaction, her selfishness, her inability to step forward and let her friends care for her in a time of need. Sighing softly as she steeled her mind, Hiroe stepped through the door, following behind Kimitsuki, the crimson-haired walking back to her room to rest on her bed. In a sense, she was correct. She had indeed come at Kagutsuchi's behest, but she certainly possessed her own intent to help shift her beloved teacher's frame of mind away from whatever threatened to pull her away into the void. If she let a kind and radiant woman's soul be lost to the ether because of her own inaction, she might as well never show her face to anyone else again. With a determined gaze, she sat on the bed as she sighed softly, mulling over her approach.

"Truth be told? Yeah, Kagutsuchi wasn't going to let me carry on with my day if I didn't come here, but... it isn't entirely about him. He... reminded me of how terrible a friend I've been to a woman who thinks very highly of me. In fearing death and admonishing my own inability to face Hiroi head on, I simply.. isolated myself away from everyone. I've lied to them. I've pushed them away - all because I'm... ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I didn't display a single hint of bravery in the face of death."


HIroed gazed at the woman as she placed her hand against her cold pam, golden eyes peering into those lifeless orbs of crimson.

"I've come here to right at least one wrong. I'm sorry for pushing you away. This wasn't your fault, and yet in my own foolish shame, I pushed you away as if you were the culprit behind it all..."