Tired Old News [Liltotto/Giselle]

Something she hadn't often done in the past, Liltotto found herself wrapping her arms around Giselle's torso, returning the hug. Her embrace was gentle, as if she was afraid of hurting her caretaker even at her meager strength, but it was a meaningful embrace - not the halfhearted ones she'd give in the past, the ones where she was too fearful to put her all into, as if everything would slip away the moment she put any care toward it. Even if that worry still existed within her, it wasn't going to stop her from expressing some form of attachment to what she had now.

"I'll visit as much as I can, I promise," Her normal tone speaking that didn't feel enough, if anything she was concerned that Giselle may have taken her passionless speech as a hollow words, "I mean it, i'm serious. I will. You're free to hit me or something if I don't follow up on it," She didn't think her mother would actually be that upset to do that, nor would such an action be physically punishing in the slightest, but it was the only thing she could immediately think of to show she was serious.

But then she was hit with that straightforward question, 'What's been bothering you?'. Unfortunately, it didn't have as straightforward an answer as she would've liked. Her eyes averted, looking downward as she was thinking of what to say, HOW to say it, any of it. It was like a peaceful, ordinary dam holding back a torrent of water and secrets.

"..Mom, I..." Her lips parted, her face in a gentle cringe, ".. You have a right to know, even if i'm not your kid, you did raise me. I mean, I don't think i'm anybody's kid, really.." She let out a shaky laugh, shoulders bouncing slightly, before a sigh left her, rubbing an eye, "..You gotta promise me you won't repeat any of this to anybody. You gotta."

After a moment, she'd take a breath, eyes hard on her own lap, ".. I'm, not really human. I'm, not anything, I think. Apparently.. I'm a part of the Soul King. Just like Mazda. I've known that for months, and, I still have no fucking idea what i'm supposed to do with that information."

She didn't seem nervous, or sad, or anything. It just appeared as if her emotions froze into a numbness on the spot, "...Between that, and, a bunch of other things, I just feel.. Stuck."

Her tired eyes sparked with a bit of surprise; so Cyrus had told Giselle about where Mazda came from, too? Well it wasn't that insane a secret, especially now that he was suddenly gone and most people don't even seem to remember him. She tried to listen to and take in Giselle's words with an open mind, she wanted to just settle on the reassurance and that be the end of it, that every anxious night she spent warding off a sleep that was suddenly so insistent on beckoning to her would no longer be torturous.

She fought the feeling of warm sadness in her eyes, closing them shut until she couldn't take it anymore - she had to say something, something after decades of being kept silent and to the back of her mind, "I was a coward, Mom," Her voice couldn't raise into a yell, but it was spoken with the same emotional tremor as one,

"I would've been dead forever ago if I wasn't whatever I was. The moment the war got tough, when those fuckers came in with the heavy arms, I ran, I ran away as far and fast as I could while everyone I ever knew, everyone I ever grew up with threw themselves into the fire til there was nothing left. I never believed in that stupid bastard's vision and I wasn't willing to die for it, but what's the point of that if everything I ever knew went down trying to fulfill it? I didn't have anything left, I just wanted to die. My stupid, craven ass just wanted to die, but I didn't. No matter what, not even starvation killed me."

Eyes practically fighting tears, she pushed herself to spill her guts quite mercilessly, "I'm only a better person because I had no choice but to be, I had to go through life stumbling blind to get anywhere close to it. Even if now i'm happier, that I had a chance to find a place, family, and a partner, all those times and memories of before keep coming back up. I see those times, those people, in everything around me, wake and sleep. I feel haunted and I don't know what to do about it."

Softly shaking her head, tears were rolling uncontrollably down her face, her face pinked with frustrations and grief, "And on top of all of that, I don't know what I am. I don't know where i'm from. It's like i'm falling through life with no way to stop it. And now it's like something's calling to me but i'm not sure if I should even follow it. What if I just lose my humanity? What if I become something like Mazda? Something unrecognizable? I don't know what to do, Mom.."

She couldn't take it, she instinctively pressed her face against Giselle, "I don't know what to do, and that freaks me out."

Soft weeping could be heard from her as tears came from her eyes. There was hardly a circumstance she felt comfortable being this vulnerable, even here and now she felt the claws of discomfort raking her, but it was too late - the dam had burst, her genuine feelings had come out, and there was no undoing of a busted dam whether she liked it or no.

Liltotto let the weaker woman lift her sobbing face to meet her own, ugly tears rolling down her scrunched face as her eyes looked to the side in contemplation. She didn't know much about the witch's past, but even from a young age she could tell Giselle had some spell of tragedy to her. All she ever could do at that age was observe and absorb whatever information came her way, much of that information being how much others feared her mother and by extension her - seen as an equally monstrous accessory to a terrifying being.

She knew even from those first years together that Giselle treated her far kinder than the world would ever consider at the time; it was so perfect a placement for the both of them she'd easily call it nefarious, but after so much time and being thoroughly removed from that original Reich, she couldn't truly call their relationship fake. As much as she missed the woman she considered a mother, she was uncertain of seeing her alive again, but seeing how different she was now made her feel less uncertain about their relationship, in a way.

"I'm glad you're trying to be better now," She'd gently reply, sighing softly, "Giselle, even if you don't have power anymore, you got a second chance. You died... The first time you died, you died that witch everyone wanted dead. At least this time, you'll die like a person loved by somebody, not some terrible blood witch. So.. Least that's something."

A sniffle came from her. That wasn't something she wanted to think about on top of everything else that was raining on her right now, "..Im gonna try to be better too. So if I do end up falling by the wayside, y'better do it. You better slap some sense back into me, coz the real me would only wanna be better. My stupid ass should have enough sense, but if I do forget, you guys make me remember."

Rubbing her eyes, they still misted with tears. This call, whatever it was, whatever it wanted... If it wasn't on the up and up, she didn't want it's bullshit if she could help it, "..I'll take the time off to help you guys. Can't keep myself away from home forever, yeah?"

She'd sigh, drooping a bit, clearly exhausted from her tears, "...I'm tired. Can I sleep over tonight? The beach is a far walk and I left my keys in the tent. And... I don't wanna be alone. Actually that's the main reason."