Four Years of Searching, Here you are.

By this point Erika was ready for anything Tsubine could say to her, she had been wondering and thinking for so long what it could be and felt confident she could handle anything that this woman said to her all she wanted was to hear what she said and she showed nothing to what Tsubine said leading towards the sensitive topic. She knew it was common for people to try and brace someone for itand to lessen the impact but Erika listened to the lead in without any care, what could Tsubine say that could possibly hurt her anymore. It wasn't until she heard Tsubine continue with the second comment and she bit her lip and felt fresh moisture from her eyes run down her face and dampen her mother's top further.

Regardless she wasn't going to respond even if Tsubine had left it in the air. Perhaps the former captain-commander might even think the whole comment unfazed her since nothing really changed about her physically. No sharp movements or any form of change that was evident as far as Tsubine would be able to tell she was handling it pretty well but in reality she was feeling that gut of her's twisting and her mind trying to fight back her reaction. It only got worse for her as she heard Tsubine explain herself. She bit her lip until she tasted the metallic flavour of her blood and when it was all over she didn't move. The entire thing, brought back all that hosility. She couldn't stop her anger, her sadness and hate from coming back and it wouldn't go away, every single word wouldn't go away and it tore her apart. After a few minutes of just nothing, complete stillness Erika would react if the older woman didn't prompt something or move.

In one swift motion Tsubine would find Erika ripping herself from the embrace, she looked a mixture of disgusted, regretful, pained and sadness. She was disgusted at this truth, she could've dealt with so much but that, Tsubine left to start a family with this man, who if he had never died then what reason would she had had to come back! Erika felt angered by this and couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her face kept on changing, and she was no longer even looking at Tsubine, just looking around and trying to feel better about this but she couldn't.

"You bitch! You fucking bitch! I... I can't.. I made a mistake. I..... this was a mistake, I should've just stayed away and accepted you were dead!"

Not giving Tsubine any time to really respond or react to this she turned and disappeared, with the last thing her mother figure would see is her miserable face before she vanished left Tsubine all alone, her thoughts not calming down and the use of foul language was incredibly uncommon for her, even Tsubine who had known her for so many years would only have heard a single curse out of her, never three in the same sentence. She arrived to one of the many forested areas which were usually used for mediatation by the shinigami, disappearing into it she stood and started punching the closest tree to releaase her anguish while sobbing uncontrollable.

"You're so pathetic... Stop behaving like a fucking child because if it's really that hard to deal with then shut up and just die already! If life sucks that much then do it."

She looked down at her bloody hands and knuckles as she heard her zanpakuto spirit talk, she wasnt taking any of this. Not from Juuchi Yosamu, not this time. Manifesting her sealed state she drew the blade and sighed as she sat down in a kneeling position.

"Wait, you can't be serious. Don't you dare... I won't let you! You don't get to choose when you die!"

Erika held the blade to her chest and heard the spirit's response before tossing the sword away. She didn't want any of this now, she was not in the best state of mind to deal with her cruel spirit at this point. She saw the woman manifest herself sitting against the tree which her fresh blood still dripped down. Erika looked at her mournfully and to her surprise she felt her spirit hug her, everything was backwards now. Erika couldn't understand it all, the woman that was her mother figure and she loved the most was currently her most hated person which was only dwarfed by the man that she was familiar with who selfishly stole Tsubine away in her mind. Surely he must've known how close Tsubine and she were, what right did he have doing that? To ask the woman to toss away another person for a family with him. Then there was her zanpakuto spirit which hated her, cruely made her feel terrible and the one she hated the most in the world who wa now comforting her.

"C'mon, let's go get a drink and you can tell me all about it."

Slowly the shinigami go up and walked to the nearest bar she could find the serireitei and ordered the strongest sake she could see while she sat in the furthest corner and somehow was able to speak to her zanpakuto spirit. The thought came to her mind, was Tsubine something she had to give up for herself.. she didn't care. Hell she didn't have any idea about what to do at this point.